Deal or No Deal?! (JhoBea)

Part two2 (First DAy of Love)

I woke up feeling all energized. My body is still adjusting sa time difference between Manila and NY. Plus the jetlag factor pa kaya naman tinanghali na ako ng gising. But I feel nothing but excitement because today is the day that I will see my girl. After nun ay makikipag kita naman ako sa mga friends ko kaya hyper na hyper ako. Second day ko palang ngayon pero loaded na ang araw ko. I grabbed my phone to check if I have some messages but to my surprise wala..

Bigla ako nakaramdam ng nalungkot, bahagya lang naman dahil Hindi ako nakatanggap ng anumang sagot sa text message ko sa kanya kagabi kaya naman pinabayaan ko na lang. Inisip ko na lang na baka mas gusto niya na i surprise ko siya or maybe ako na mismo mag surprise sa kanya. After all alam ko naman saan siya pupuntahan at address nila, might as well go directly sa kanila.

I woke up at around 2:00pm na kaya I had lunch then I took a bath and prepared myself. I just wore a simple jeans plus my usual polo white shirt. After two hours, I am ready to go. Nagpaalam ako kay Mom na aalis to meet some friends pero hindi ko sinabi na pupunta ako kay Kianna. Although they knew about her, I maintained to be private about it as well. Ayoko na stressan parents ko sa buhay pag-ibig ko.

Yup, my parents knows about my sexual preference. Well of course hindi mo maiwasan na magtanong at lumungkot sila nung una, but later on na realize nila at natanggap ako bilang ako. I am just so happy that my parents accepted that fact and I am very much thankful for having such an open minded parents around. Isa lang ipinakiusap nila sa akin is that they want me to maintain a girly look. I totally agree to them naman. Kahit iba ang sexual preference ko compared to normal girls, I still prefer to wear and look like a girl. Long hair, wear short shorts, mini dress, stuff like that. Hindi ko rin naman kasi gets yung idea na magpaliit ng buhok at magbihis panlalaki para lang ipangalandakan sa buong universe na Bi ako. Yes I am into both girls and boys. As a matter of fact I even entertained suitors before. Pero wala eh, walang spark kumbaga.

Isa kasi sa mga factor na hinahanap ko ay yung SPARK. Kasi para sa akin kung wala kayo ng ganoon, feeling ko boring which can lead to an unhealthy relationship. Sympre hindi lang naman yun ang basehan ko. There are alot of things to consider and LOVE is above all of it. Kung walang love wala na lahat. Kasi kung love ninyo ang isat isa, sunod sunod na lahat.. magiging masaya ka, inspired, mgtitiwala ka at lahat lahat na.

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It is already 5:00 pm, nandito ako ngayon sa labas ng buildng nina Kianna. I opted to go to her workplace because by this time, for sure andito pa siya. I kept on calling her pero hindi niya sinasagot ang mga calls ko. Galit ka ba? Please Kianna answer the phone. After five attempts of calling her bigla nalang naging unattended phone niya. Maybe ayaw niyang pa istorbo sa trabaho niya. I waited for an hour here at the parking lot, Hinintya ko talaga paglabas niya para makapag usap man lang kami.

While waiting I turn on my radio and started playing with phone. Medyo nakakainip din kasi maghintay dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi ko naman alam kung anong oras siya lalabas...

After an hour of waiting I saw her... There she goes walking towards their car. Pero kasama niya Papa niya kaya naman hindi ako nakalabas para salubungin siya. Ayaw kasi niya na makita ng Papa niya na magkasama kami. Minsan na kasi pinag-awayan nila ng Papa niya ang tungkol sa amin. Naka halata kasi siya na medyo clingy kami at sweet towards each other. Nakaka gago lang kasi wala pa ngang kami eh nagagalit na paano pa kaya kung maging kmi na. Hindi ko naman maintindihan dito kay Kianna bakit kasi kailangan pang ilihim ang lahat at itago ako. Kung mahal mo talaga isang tao hindi dpat siya itago sa mundo hindi ba? Pilit kong inintindi ang bagay na iyon dahil paliwanag niya ay TIME lang daw hinihingi niya at sasabihin din niya. Sa 2 yrs naming mgksama sa relasyon namin ngayon (kung ano man ang tawag dito) ay lagi ganoon ang sinasabi niya. Until she decides to go back here to run their company.

Sinundan ko lang ang kotse nila hanggang sa nakauwi sila. Medyo gutom na rin ako kc halos 7:00 na ng gabi at hindi pa ako kumakain. Umaasa pa rin ako na kahit saglit lang ay pagbibigyan niya ako kahit na patago pa kaming magkita kahit 10 minutes lang. Pina ring ko ulit phone niya habang tinitingnan ko siya sa loob ng bahay nila kasi makikita mo sa labas ang kabuuan ng bahay nila dahil halos salamin ang bahay nila. I can see from outside na she is just holding the phone. From time to time nirereject niya ang call ko. Signifying that I should stop. I wrote a message para atleast man lang sa text ay mkasagot siya.

📱 Kianna ❤️:
Please lets meet. I missed you so much... ayaw mo ba ako makita o makausap man lang? Please. I will wait for you. 😘
-B

After a minute I received a message from her.

📱From Kianna ❤️:
Am sorry not now, I am with some friends. I will let you know when I'm available. Sorry

A plain and cold text message like that and all the excitement that I felt since yesterday are all gone like kapooot! I felt like my heart literally stops beating and its like its being torn into pieces upon reading her message. How can she lie like that to me? What did I do to her to deserve such treatment? When all I wanted was to see her? Hindi niya ba ako na miss? Is she insane to tell me that she is with her friends to think that I can see her from here? The fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit!.. I just kept on cursing while hitting the steering wheel of the car. Tears started falling down and I cant help it. My vision is starting to blur and I cant see clearly now. I am hurt, deeply hurt with what happened. Alot of questions are running on my mind now. Alot of whys are tearing my mind and my heart.

Heto na ba yung kinakatakutan ko. Yung feeling na bakit parang ako lang ang lumalabad, yung feeling na ako lang ang nagmamahal? Why do I feel that I am just nothing to her, but when we are together she is full of love. I am confuse, really confuse sa mga nangyayari sa amin. A month bago siya umalis pabalik dito i started to feel her coldness. Pero dahil mahal na mahal ko siya binabale wla ko lahat ng iyon kahit ang sakit sakit na. Is this the sign that I have been praying for? Are you giving me the signals that its about time to stop? Pero paano ko gagawin yun kung mahal na mahal ko siya? Give me more signs Lord, and maybe I will stop. Because I believe that in love it should not be one sided. It should be a give and take relationship. It should be healthy to both.

After an hour of waiting and crying outside their house, I wiped my tears and try to fix myself. I decided to leave the place. Hindi ako pwedeng makita ng mga kaibigan ko na ganito ako. As I said those things to myself I breathe deeply to calm myself down and I hold to my steering wheel getting ready to go. I am not that religious but I believe in the power of God and prayers. Give me more signal, and I will stop all these nonsense. Konti pa at maniniwala na ako na dapat itigil ko na ito, mukha na kasi akong tanga. Hindi naman ako ipinanganak ng nanay ko para lang maging tanga. As i said those words, I drove away from that place.

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I felt my stomach hurting. Its almost 8:00 in the evening at hindi pa pala ako kumakain. I drove to the nearest fast food chain because its the easiest way para maka kain ako. And to think na I will be wasted later so I think it is just right to eat. As I was heading to the store I saw a lady in corporate attire trying to fix her car. I think her car just broke. Without hesitation, I stopped my car in front of hers and got out to give her hand. She must be alone coz if not someone must have helped her or maybe someone should be with her. She is properly dressed so I guess she is not a bad person at all. Takot ko nalang mag alok ng tulong ng ganitong oras kaya. Kahit gaano pa kasama naging araw ko, para I felt the urge to help her at maging samaritan sa kanya. I went out of my car and pat her shoulder as I say... Hey stranger, need some help?

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AN..
Hey stranger daw? Sino Naman kaya ang maswerteng stranger na to?

sabihin niyo lang kung medyo sabaw ang chapter na to. As we go along mkikita niyo na medyo magiging light na ang lahat... medyo na ngangapa pa kasi ako... feel free to suggest or comment anything po thank you for reading!☺️