Finding My Way

Chapter 22

"Dri, are you awake baby girl?"

"No." I mumbled.

I heard him chuckle before he "That would have been more believable if you just didn't say anything. It's time to get up."

"No." I repeated myself.

"Get up Dri."

"Rah, no! Go cook or read a book. Do something productive with your time."

I heard him chuckle. "But Dri, I've done both of those things. As matter of fact I made your favorite."

"I don't have a favorite Heemie. I just wanna sleep." I put my hand up. "Five more is all I really need."

"Five more what? Minutes?" I felt him grab my hand and kiss it.

"Be real boo. Five more minutes won't do anything for me. Five more hours is what I'm talking about."

"I'm not about to let you lay in this bed and dwell on all that's wrong. You'll just get more and more depressed about things. I don't want that. You are about to get up Adrianna. Doesn't matter if you want to or not. Some days when I feel alright I still just want to lay in bed and do nothing, but I make myself get up."

"You are stronger than me Raheem. And plus you have a strong support system."

I sure hell don't. My life family is all messed up. My grandmother pretty much told me she wanted to die because she's done so much wrong in her life. She knows she has to take all of her medicine to stay right, but she quit taking it for a few days and that's why she got sick and fell out. When I would visit her in the hospital, she would keep apologizing to me, which made me feel extra shitty. In a way I kinda feel guilty, but she is the one who said those petty words to me. It's not even the words that hurt, it's the fact that she threw all the shit she's ever done for me in my face.

While I'm on the topic of health issues, Raheem. I worry about him all the time. I have this fear of him getting even sicker and... Ugh, I hate to think about it. It's just that I can't be truly happy with him because I always worry about him.

Moving on, Qua. I miss him so much. Not only was he my nephew, but he was like a friend to me. I just wish he was around. I hate Arianna for taking him away from me.

I've never liked Arianna's bitch ass. Probably because she is so much like Marcille's hoish ass. Then I think of Gregory's phony ass. I also think of my dad, Raymond. I love him so much, and it hurts me to know that he contemplates suic....

"Dri?"

I rolled my eyes as I turned my back on Raheem. I put my head under a pillow. We go through this almost every morning. I just want to lay here and be miserable. I don't want to get up and be miserable.

This man waited until I got good and comfortable before he pulled the cover completely off of the bed.

"RAHEEM! Really?!" I sat up and threw my pillow to the side. Tears started sliding down my face.

He sat beside me on the bed then put one of his arms around me.

"Dri I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry baby girl." He kissed me on my head.

I put my hands on my face. "It's not even about the cover, it's about life. I find it more comfortable and more easy to just lay in bed than to deal with life. Two people that I really love wish that they were dead, and you wanna know what, sometimes I wish I was too. I know that's not something you'd like to hear, but it's how I feel Raheem."

He didn't respond right away with words, he just held me closer and let me cry on him.

"Adrianna if you are unhappy with the way your life is going, change it. I know that's easier said than done, but look at you. If you had your way, you would just lay in bed and be depressed. You wouldn't eat. You wouldn't take care of yourself, and that's messed up. You say you wanna be dead, but it isn't gonna happen until it's your time. You haven't experienced all you were born to experience yet. Like I said, you are unhappy with how things are, well do something about it. Sometimes you just have to worry about yourself and everything else will fall into place. What makes you happy Adrianna?"

"How can I be happy if the people around me aren't Raheem?"

I looked up at him to see a disappointed look on his face. I can tell he is getting tired of my negativity, but this is how I feel. My life is a mess and it always has been.

He let me go so he could clearly look me in my eyes. "Look Adrianna. We are alike in so many ways. I used to feel the same way. I used to always put other people's feelings before mine. I even used to try and keep my parents from arguing and fighting so much. They straight go in on each other, so clearly my attempts never worked. My whole point is that you have to start living for you and not for those around you. You have to do whatever makes you happy."

He put his arm around me again. "I'm tired of having conversations like this with you, and that's just because I love you so much. In due time, everything will be okay, I promise."

Him putting his pinky out caused me to smile. I can always count on him to brighten my mood.

I locked my pinky with his then kissed his lips. "I love you Raheem."