sauve-moi || Brallon

chapter four ||passer à autre chose

Dallon's POV//

"So..." Kenny began. "Who's gonna mention the elephant in the room?"

"Umm..." I mumbled.

"WHat could you possibly want me to explain my dear Kenny sir?" Brendon said sarcastically.

"Umm.. maybe what you were doing making out with Dallon?" Kenny replied.

"Oh... that." He said, looking at me. "That was fun, huh, Dal?"

"Um.."I began to get really nervous, "Yeah, Bren."

"Okay, On a serious note," Began Dan, "We'll accept you guys no matter what just be honest."

I started getting really nervous and I could feel the anxiety and pointless fear start to rise up inside of me. I cracked my knuckles a few times as my breaths got a little more shaky and shorter. I cleared my throat as tears started to form in my eyes.

"Um... I'm gay." I quietly mumbled.

"Dude, Dallon." Kenny said. "Don't be so scared. We're your best friends."

"We don't care if you're gay, bi, pan, or anything else. We just want you to be happy." said Dan.

"I just like people. All people. But you guys already knew that." Brendon said, winking at me once more.

I didn't really know what to say so I just smiled put my head down. I mean it was nice that the guys all accept me and stuff but I just want things to be normal. I keep trying to ignore my growing feelings for Brendon but it keeps getting harder. I don't think he feels the way that I do about him.

"Thirty minutes till show! Head over to stage!" Said Zack, popping into the bus, obviously confused by the serious vibe inside.

"Okay, no problem, Zack!" Brendon said, giving a thumbs up to him.

Around thirty minutes later, the show was about to start. Kenny, Dan, and I go to our spots first because it has to be a big deal when Brendon comes on stage. Right as I am about to go on, Brendon gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and shoves me on. I hate when he teases me. Does he not understand that me being gay means that I can actually have feelings for him!

The show ends and all I can think about is how my sexuality will change the relationship of the band, how others will view panic, and how I feel about Brendon. I know I "like" Brendon but I have no idea in what way. He's one of my best friends but he is also someone that I like to kiss. I don't even know if he's thought about the kiss or me or anything. I sit down on the small sofa in the green room and drink some beer.

I hear the door begin to open and I look up to see Brendon. He's shirtless and sweaty and he looks amazing. Brendon smiles as he sits down and grabs a bottle of beer and sits down on the arm rest of the sofa.

"Good job out there tonight, Dal." Brendon says, taking another sip of his beer.

"Thanks, Brendon. You did fantastic but that's not very shocking since you've never had a bad performance in your life." I responded, somewhat joking, somewhat ranting.

"Not true!" He defends.

"Name one time that you've messed up and gotten twitter ambushed on how terrible if a musician and person you are!" I say, realizing I took it too far.

"People say you're terrible?" he says, looking down at his lap.

"No... um.. well , yes they do." I reply.

"That's ridiculous!"

"Not really, Bren." I assure, "I get where they're coming from."

"Dallon, you need to understand that you are a fantastic bassist, singer, person, and friend!"

"Thanks Brendon but I think I'm just going to go back to the bus."

"Dal..."

I leave the green room and walk out into the rainy dark parking lot where the bus is located. Dan and Kenny are inside the arena still so it's just me. I'm almost to the bus when I hear a faint voice.

"Excuse me?" A young girl around fifteen or sixteen says, on the other side of the fence behind the bus.

I turn around to see a small girl with blue hair that was around 5'2 and was wearing a panic! shirt. She gave me a soft smile and waved at me.

"Yes?" I say, walking over to the fence.

"Hi, I'm Vanessa," She said a bit nervously, "I don't want to bother you and I completely understand if you can't, but I just wanted to know if I could just ya know.. talk to you."

"Of course! I love talking to you guys." I say as I unlock the gate and let her in.

She smiles the whole time as I walk her back to the bus. I could tell that whatever she wanted to tell me was important. I felt it in my gut that I shouldn't let her in. If Zack caught me sneaking a fan in, I would be dead. I knew talking to her would be worth it. I open the door to the bus and we sit down at the small dining table.

"Welcome to panic!'s very own home on wheels." I say a little over-enthusiastically for the situation.

"Thank you so much." she begins, "I don't wanna bring the mood down but I just really need to tell someone."

"Don't worry about it, kid."

"Well... exactly one month ago was when I was going to commit suicide." she looked down, "As you can see, I stayed alive."

"Thank you for choosing to do that."

"And I know panic! doesn't really make music about this stuff but you do.." she tapped her fingers nervously as she spoke, "Small cuts by the Brobecks is fantastic. I know what message you wanted to get across."

"Vanessa, you are so so important and you deserve a good life. Stay strong and make the most of it."

"Thank you, Dallon." she looked me in the eyes, "I want you to know that you're important too."

I sighed, worried about what she might say. I don't know how she knew I wasn't feeling the best but she did.

"How do you know I-"

"Dallon, I've been there. I can see it on you."

"Oh..." I say, looking down At my lap then back up at her.

"You inspire so many people and although I came to tell you how you helped me stay alive, I want to help you stay alive."

"Im not suicidal." I said.

"I just want you to know that you are important, Dallon."

We talked for around fifteen minutes and then got her stuff ready to leave. I gave her a hug as I walked her back to the gate.

"Oh! I forgot!" I said, "did you want a picture?"

"I've got it all up here. don't worry about it." she said, pointing to her head.

"Thank you, Vanessa."

"thank you, Dallon."

a/n : I JUST REALIZED I NEVER UPLOADED THIS. IM SO SORRY. HOPE YOU ENJOY. i'll be regularly updating soon!! ❤️