sauve-moi || Brallon

chapter nineteen || rechute

Dallon's POV//

tw// acts of bulimia, self harm, and mentions of suicide. I do not wish these things on anyone so please read only if you promise to stay strong and stay safe for me. thank you. I'm here if you need anyone to talk to.

I could feel every calorie in each bite of pizza that I swallowed at the restaurant. I tried to ignore the fact that I now was only throwing away my recovery progress as I sat leaning up over the toilet at 3 am while Brendon was asleep.

My throat burned like someone had poured gasoline in it then lit it on fire. I hadn't forced myself to puke since I had been released and although it hurt, it felt good to be back. There was something comforting and giving yourself the pain. I think that what hurts the most about someone or something else hurting you is the shock. If you expected it, it wouldn't be as bad.

My eyes were a crimson red likely from the lack of sleep that I got. Even if my eyes were closed and I was in my bed, I couldn't sleep. My brain was constantly on overdrive mode. I got up and tried to quietly flush the toilet without waking Brendon up. I looked at myself in the mirror and just stared at myself.

I was me but at the same time, I wasn't. I can't remember the exact moment that I became who I am. I was happy then all the sudden I wasn't. It only started out as a way to lose a few pounds so I could look better. I never wanted this to take over my life.

Everyone thought that rehab would cure me and suddenly I'd be eating plate after plate again. I really wanted to be better but I just couldn't. I keep hiding my actions from Brendon but at the same time I'm begging for him to notice that I'm thinner. It's bound to fail no matter what.

I look back at myself in the mirror and examine my puffy, black and purple eye bags. They didn't use to be as profound. My skin was just starting to get its lively glow back but I knew it wouldn't last long. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I removed my hand to see that I had pulled out some of my hair.

I fell on my knees and began to sob. Thoughts raced through my head as I tried to stay quiet and careful not wake Brendon. He's better off without me. He's only with me because he feels pity for me. It'd all be better if I'm dead.

I knew that I had to do it. Brendon could have his house to himself again, he could get a new bassist for the band, and he could always get a new boyfriend. I couldn't do it tonight. This wasn't the right timing.

**The bed in our room creaked before I heard footsteps coming closer to the door. I quickly tried to clean myself up so Brendon wouldn't know that I'd thrown up and been crying. I wiped my eyes once more before Brendon opened the door with groggy eyes and bed head.

"Dal?" He mumbled with tired eyes.

"Shh, Bren." I said, placing my hand on his shoulder and walking to the bed. "Let's just go to sleep."

"Why were you in the bathroom?" He said, suspicious of me.

"Can't a man pee?" I said, trying to make a joke.

"Alright, Dal." He said, turning into his side and curling into me.

"G'night, Bren."

Brendon's POV//

Dallon laid down next to me in the bed as I sat up against the headboard. He let out soft little snores and occasionally mumbled a few words. He was a cute sleeper. I also think he's cute at everything so I don't know how valid that is. He was wearing an oversized t shirt of mine and boxers and he couldn't have looked better. I've said it before but he's beautiful in the mornings.

Just then he stretched out his arms and released a yawn before opening his eyes and smiling at me. He sat up and kissed my cheek, making me blush not even five minutes after him being awake.

"Morning Baby." I smiled.

"Good morning, Brendon." He said, cuddling into my side and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Do I have to wake up?" He mumbled, pulling himself back under the covers.

"I'm afraid so, Dal."

"Whyy?" He whined. "What are we doing today?"

"I think that we should release 'sickly sweet holidays' today!" I said, afraid of his reaction.

"Bren, I don't think we shoul-"

"It's a perfect song! Just try it!" I said, trying to get him to give in. "Please..."

"Fine, but I'm not looking at any reviews of it."

"They'll love it."

"Whatever."

I got up off of the bed and threw a shirt on. I picked up my laptop from my desk and started downloading the finished file of Dallon's song. It really was a good song. He needs to be more confident with himself. I finished the download and dragged the file to my untuned and was ready to press upload.

Dallon walked up from behind me and peered over my shoulder, looking at the laptop screen. I could tell he was nervous but he should have been. His song is a really good song and he's so talented but he just doesn't realize it. I want him to know that he's perfect.

Just then, Dallon reached over me and clicked upload. The bar completed itself and gave us a a confirmation code for our upload. All we had to do now was tell everyone. I logged into my twitter and started to compose my tweet.

"What are you gonna say?" Dallon asked.

'early Christmas present from the one and only @//dallonweekes . go buy sickly sweet holidays now on iTunes!' The tweet read.

"Alright sounds good." He said, still nervous.

I pressed the tweet button and Dallon immediately retweets it. He tweeted something similar on his own account shortly after but made sure to stay away from the comments. I don't know why he gets hate. None if them even know him. He's the best person I know.

"So, Dal?" I started. "Wanna have a few people over tomorrow to celebrate your single?"

"Why do we need to celebrate? It's just a single." He said.

"Well we don't have to celebrate your single..." I said. "We could, um... Lets have a Christmas party!"

"A Christmas party?" He asked, easing an eyebrow.

"Yes! We can just all hang out and it will be fun!"

"Eh, fine." He said, giving in.

"Thanks, baby!" I said, jumping up to kiss his cheek.

a/n: hello! sorry this chapter isn't as good as others. I'm still in the midst of moving the plot along. If I could, I'd just do a three week time skip but I still have some standards to my writing lmao. Anyways thank you for reading and don't worry.. you'll get some angsty Dallon in the next chapter. Oh! and comment which other celebrities you'd like to be featured in the story! thank you for reading. stay safe, stay string, live on.