sauve-moi || Brallon

chapter 9|| amoureux

Brendon's POV//

Dallon and I only messed around for a little. It had been a long day for the both of us and it was for sure tiring. The hotel room that Zack had gotten us had only one bed and whether he did that intentionally or not is unknown. I took off my shirt and got into the bed beside Dallon. He was already dozing off and gripping onto the blanket. I turned my phone off and set it on the bedside table.

I couldn't stop thinking about Dallon. I know he's hurting and he's trying to hide it but I can still see it. I really love him and I can't stand to see him hurting himself. Why is it always the best people who have the scariest demons. I looked over my shoulder to the right and just watched him be at peace. He began to leave soft snores around the room and I turned to his body. Even though I am much smaller, I'm the big spoon. My hand finds his and I begin to fall asleep. I'm never leaving him.

The next morning I woke up to see Dallon awake on his phone. I rub my eyes and run my fingers through my hair as our eyes meet. He looks so good in the morning. He looks good all the time but I live for the moments when I get to see his hair all covering his face, his eyes calm, and hear his groggy morning voice.

"Morning, Bren." He says, smiling at me.

"Good morning, Dallon." I reply, moving my head up to his cheek to give him a kiss.

His lips curl up at the sides to form a small smile. He looks back at me and places his hand inside mine. He's always nervous about showing me affection. I have no idea why since there is nothing he could do to make me not love him. I grip his hand a little tighter before standing up to make some coffee before we have to hit the road again.

"Hey Dal, I'm making some coffee. Want some?" I ask.

"Ah I'll pass," He says, getting out of bed and putting his clothes for the day on.

We finish our morning routine and get ready to set off on the bus again. I grab Dallon's hand as we walk through the hotel lobby. I've been more protective of him lately. I just don't want him to think for one second that I don't love him more than anything in the world. The bus pulls up as soon as we step out of the hotel and the hotel staff loads our bags.

Dallon's POV//

tw// for eating disorder mentions once again. dm if you want a recap :) love you all

Brendon didn't make any breakfast and I silently thanked him for that in my head. If he knew that nothing changed for me he would have made me eat but he thinks i'm genuinely trying to get better. Well, I am getting better but to me that means skinnier.

I let go of Brendon's hand after I get on the bus. I'm faced with Dan, Kenny, and Zack already loaded and hanging out. I can tell that they are nervous around me now that they've seen the worst part of me. It's like they completely forgot that we're best friends. They are too scared acknowledge me because they think I'll break.

I decide to leave all of them and head back to my safe spot, my bunk. Although it was nice sleeping in a normal bed, I always miss my bunk. I lay down on the bunk and grab my little notebook from under the pillow. I grab my pen and title the paper 'daily calorie intake'. I have not eaten anything so far today and as long as we didn't stop for food on the bus ride to the arena, I'll probably be okay all day.

tw// self harm :(

The bus ride doesn't feel very long even though it was around 6 hours. I ultimately gave in and passed the time how I always did. I grabbed my blade and lightly etched at my stomach. I didn't want to cover my arms in case Brendon saw them. I'm an addict at this point and what am I addicted to? Watching the scarlet red blood leave my skin. Like I said before, a way to pass time. By the time the bus ride was over I already bandaged my cuts and was ready to soundcheck.

"Dal! Come on dude we gotta go soundcheck!" Kenny hollers as he runs off the bus.

"Don't worry, Dallon, I'll wait for ya." Brendon says in front of my bunk.

Brendon unloads my bass from the bus for me and grabs my hand as we run to the venue. I have recently stopped freaking out about hand holding. I know he just wants to be close to me. I'm wearing a long sleeve button up shirt with a shiny bomber jacket, black jeans, and doc martins. (a/n: the emo nite LA outfit for those who want a visual) I've been more careful about the location of my cuts than I was before. I don't want him to stress about me. His focus and attention should be on the band.

We enter the arena and head towards the stage. The techs grab our instruments and set them up for us. Brendon lets go of my hand and motions me to get on stage with the rest of the band. Brendon runs through a few vocal warm ups and I make sure that my bass is in tune. Brendon finishes his warm up and begins to direct us on which song to practice first. We end up soundchecking 'Vegas Lights' first since it is first on the setlist. As we near the end of soundcheck, Brendon takes off his shirt since the stage feels like it is over 100 degrees. I look over at him and admire his body. God, I just want to be like that.

"Come on, Dal. Let's go get changed and relax before the show." Brendon says, catching me off guard.

"Oh, okay." I say, still looking at his body.

I walk behind Brendon as we head back to the dressing room. He showers quickly and puts on his black button up shirt and pants. He kind of just stares at me for a second and I wonder what he's thinking. It hits me then that oh yeah, I should probably get changed too. I'm obviously more self conscience than he is so I face the wall as I take my shirt off.

"Dallon?" Brendon says, moving closer to me.

"Uh yeah, Bren?" I say, covering my stomach with my shirt.

"Look at me," He says while putting his hand on my shoulder. "You never let me look at you."

"Um, no thanks." I force a laugh out. I didn't want him to be disappointed in what he saw.

I step back to face the wall and quickly button my shirt up and give him a small smile. I step to him again and run my fingers through my hair. I'm not going to show him my body until it looks good. I hear a knock on the door that breaks the somewhat awkward silence before Kenny walks in.

"Hey, Brendon, Zack said he needs you backstage." Kenny says. "Hey, Dal."

"Oh hey, Kenny." I smile.

"Alright I'll meet him in a second." Brendon says as Kenny shuts the door.

Brendon walks back to me and gives me a small peck on the cheek. He runs his fingers through my hair one last time.

"Remember, we have to be at the stage in 15 minutes, I'll try to be back soon." he says with slight worry in his voice.

"I'm not a child, Brendon, I'll be fine."

"Wait! Your doctor says you have to eat before you go on stage so you don't pass out again!"

I groan inside my head. God, can't he see that I'm trying to get skinnier for him. Does he want for me to be fat so that way he can look extra good? I'm about to decline but instead I avoid saying anything so he doesn't get suspicious.

"Here, have this brownie and slice of pizza," he says handing it to me. "And I'm not leaving until you eat it.."

"Brendon! Zack called you!" I say aggravated.

"You're more important."

"Fine."

I stuff the brownie in my mouth and eat the whole slice of pizza except for the crust. I have an idea on what I can do later on. Brendon gives me a warm and satisfied smile as I finish the food.

"I'm proud of you. On stage in 10. Zack's gonna kill me!" He says, running out the door.

a/n: hello! this chapter is one hell of a long filler chapter! although not much happened, it is important for the next few chapters! stay safe, stay strong, live on. love you all!