Kung Ako Na Lang Sana | ViceRylle

Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

"You were just an experiment Karylle!"

"A rebound."

"rebound.."

"rebound.." 

Kung isa itong kanta, ito yung pinakamasakit na kanta na narinig ko. His words are stuck on my head like a song. Oo nga naman Karylle, asa ka pang magugustohan ka ni Vice. Maaring converter ka nga pero ibahin mo si Vice. Siguro napapasaya mo nga siya pero hanggang dun lang yun. Hindi na yun aabot sa point na mamahalin ka niya tulad ng pagmamahal niya sa mga lalake. Pero hindi ko naman akalain na gagamitin niya ako. Okay na eh, masaya na akong naka-move on na siya. Masaya na akong hindi na siya umiiyak. Pero grabe naman kasi.. bakit tagos sa buto sa sakit yung ginawa niya? Ako pa talaga naisipan niyang gawing rebound. Congrats K, pumasa ka kay Vice. Rebound nga lang. Shit naman oh.

I shut everyone out. I just want to be alone sa ngayon. Dito lang ako sa condo ko. Ang dami kong narereceive na text messages and phone calls pero none of them were from him. Asa pa kong hahanapin niya ko. Rebound ka nga lang kasi Karylle. You were just an experiment. Walang tigil ang pag ring ng phone ko. I took my phone and checked kung sino yung tumatawag. It's Yael.. more tears streamed down my face. Nilapag ko ulit yung phone ko sa bed. I hugged and buried my face in my knees and cried some more. "I'm sorry Yael.. I've messed up.. I've messed up really bad. I'm sorry.." 

--

It's been 3 days since that incident happened. Hindi enough ang 3 days to heal my broken heart but I have no choice but to come back to work. I don't want this to affect my co-hosts and the whole Showtime staff. I have to stand up kahit na sirang sira na ko. I have to be professional. Hindi ko dapat pinapakita sa tao na nasasaktan ako. Kaya cheer up Karylle, wag mo na lang siya pansinin. Pretend he does not exist. 

I talked to Yael last night. He came to my condo. He was so worried dahil ibang Karylle ang nakita niya kagabi. Lalo akong naiyak nung nakita ko siya. I ran to him and hugged him, walang tigil ang pag apologize ko sakanya.

Flashback 

"I'm sorry Yael.. I'm so sorry.."

"Why are you saying sorry? What's wrong? What happened?"

"I.. I can't marry you.. I'm sorry.." 

There was a long pause. He did not say anything. She was still hugging him and her face is still buried on his chest. Tuloy pa rin ang paghagulgol ni Karylle.

"B--bakit?" 

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." paulit ulit niyang sinabi. His heart was breaking pero lalo siyang nasasaktan dahil umiiyak si Karylle. He loves her so much that it hurts him to see her get hurt. 

"Shh.. tama na. Wag ka na umiyak.." he pulled away from the hug and cupped her face. He wiped her tears using his thumb. 

"Shh.. tahan na. Nandito na ko.. I'm here to listen.." he smiled kahit na alam niyang masasaktan lang siya sa sasabihin ni Karylle. But his feelings don't matter anymore. He should man up and be there for her. He is not ready of what's going to happen after tonight but one thing he knows for sure, gusto niya pawiin lahat ng luha niya ngayon. Kung sino man ang nagpaiyak sakanya, gusto niya 'tong sugurin at pagsasapakin. 

"I can't marry you Yael.. I'm sorry.." oo na Karylle.. wag naman paulit ulit. Masakit na. 

"I love you Yael.. but not as much as before.. I tried to look at you the way I once looked at you pero iba na talaga. I can't marry you kasi hindi na buo yung pagmamahal ko sayo. I'm sorry you're hearing this now. I just can't lie to myself anymore. Ayaw na din kita masaktan.."