my book of regrets // rants

JUST A FIC WRITER

hey. okay. listen. I've always wanted to write. in  elementary school my fake-deep ass was ready to write a novel (dear god).

two years ago, my friend and I downloaded wattpad (I can't even remember why) we both liked panic and were still in that heavy ass emo phase - like no shit ryan ross 2005 wanna-be emo. I read one fic that I treasured and was never updated after we started reading it. then I began reading bigger writers's fics. (these were all ryden btw)

I saw this little button that said "create a story" or some shit like that (who knows really, the app has changed so much since then) and I was like "I CAN DO THAT O SHIT"

so I wrote a short thing. it was called Let's Kill Tonight (not exactly the one I have now though).  it had literally zero romance and from what I can remember was mostly about ryan post split.

thEN one writer was giving up one of her fics (it was a straight fic with brendon & and original character) and I said ME ME ME PLS. and i wrote probably two chapters for it and never went back because I started memorizing phrases that were used in fluff and romantic-y parts of fics to use in my own writing.

now this is where I get to the part where I say I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ROMANCE WHEN I WRITE. I even thought that when I started writing.

here's the deal, fics give you a clear point. you want the two people to fall in love or fuck or whatever it is you're into (please don't make milk jokes)

so there's me. a blind child that would do anything to just TRY writing an actual story. but has no motive because I have no life experience whatsoever. then I see these stories that have a vivid prompt and I'm like "GET THAT".

so then I wrote Let's Kill Tonight. which is really just copy and pasting of stereotypical ryden things because ~I DONT LIKE WRITING ROMANCE~ mixed in with me writing my perspective of physical things I see.

then I wrote Spinning Stars, which gave me room to create an original character. make a whole new human person in my brain with a certain personality and everything. that's progress.

and then I came up with the idea for Wish. which had no romance in it at all and was all from my brain. I made a new person, a new story, and I got to describe how emotions felt. and the only training wheels (ha) I had was Brendon's character, who wasn't even the main character. even then I had to take his personality and think of how he would address this completely different thing that he's never said anything about before.

I could get into support hotline and training wheels (which I actually both love even though there's growing romance) but I don't feel like it.  basically I wrote them when I realized what feelings would be like. how "crushes" actually felt. to this day, I still don't know what romance is about because Im an ironically sad disney hoe. but I found a way to make it up somehow.

still don't like romance lmao