Bad Intentions (Falling In Reverse)

Four: That's What You Get

Four: That’s What You Get

~Bri~
 
As I dialed Christofer’s number for the third time tonight, Falling In Reveres started playing “Pick Up The Phone”. How terribly ironic, huh? Ahhh, fuck my life. “Christofer, please call me back.” I told his voice mail, trying not to sound like I was about to break down in tears. It wasn‘t working. “I love you.” I said as I slid down the wall, phone still in my hand. I was shaking, tears were running down my face, and I could barely breath. It’s rare that Christofer and I fight, but when we do, it hurts me so bad. Even if I’m the cause. Which, like this time, I normally am the one to blame. 

I told him what nearly happened last week, and how sorry I was. That nothing actually happened and that it never would. But he didn‘t believe me, said he didn’t trust me anymore. Which I understand, but it still hurt like hell. “I’m so sorry.” I also was stupid enough to bring up him and Connie. Of course that just made matters worse. “Please call m--” the phone beeped and I pulled it away from my ear to see who was calling. It was Christofer. “Hello?”

“You made my phone ring while I was on stage.” he told me, his voice annoyed.

I sighed, trying to somehow hide the tears in my voice. “I’m sorry.” andddd my voice cracked. Lovely.

He ignored me. “What do you need?”

“I--” I sighed again, biting lip…What did I call him for? Mostly just to hear his voice, to hear him say that everything was alright, that he didn’t believe any of those stupid rumors…That he forgives me for what almost happened with Ronnie. “I just--”

“Did you sleep with him, Bri?” he asked suddenly, cutting me off. I could hear the hurt in his voice even though he was hiding it pretty well. “Tell me the truth.”

“I didn’t. I swear.”

He was silent for a moment. “Do you,” he sighed. “Have feelings for him?”

“No!” I blurred out in shock. I did not see that question coming…

“I don’t believe you.”

My mouth hug open from the tone he used. It was firm, like something was going to change his mind. And that fact hurt more than anything. My heart began to twist into knots at the thought of losing Christofer over something as stupid as nearly kissing Ronnie Radke. “I’m in love with you, Christofer.”

“Yeah?” for the first time ever, I heard him let out a bitter laugh. “I’m starting to wonder.”

I sat there for a moment, stunned by the words that just came from his mouth. I can‘t believe what I‘m hearing. “Are you out of your goddamn mind, Christofer?” I blurred out, getting a little mad that he’d actually question my feelings for him.

“I’ve been in love with this girl for five years, she’s been mine for nearly a year and she’s only said ‘I love you’ five times. The fifth time being ten minutes ago. So yes. I probably am ‘out off my goddamn mind’.”

“So, what are you saying?” I question, getting even madder as the seconds ticked on. “You think I don’t actually love you?”

“I’m saying, a few months ago you cringed at the thought of having my child. Is that not reason enough to question you’re so called ‘love’ for me?” I could hear the pain mixed in with the anger as his voice boomed through the phone. This is the first time he’s actually yelled at me. “You’ve never proved it, and now you’re possibly sneaking around with a guy who the world thinks is a better match for you. And it kills me to know he’s able to touch you but I can’t. It kills me to know that no one thinks I’m right for you. It kills me to know that he‘s one of your idols and you‘d do anything for him. And I can’t even bare the pain when I think that you don’t love me nearly as much as I love you. IF you even love me, that is.”

 My mouth hung open and my heart stung from the words that had just been yelled into my ear. It hurt knowing that everything he said was true. I‘d never told him how much I loved him. And that fact made me feel like shit. I can‘t believe that, even though I‘ve been with him all this time, I‘ve been hurting him more than when I hated him. “I love you with every thing I’ve got, Christofer. And I know I’ve done stupid shit, I know I’ve said awful things to you, I know I’m a bitch and I’m moody and I push you away all the time, and I’m so sorry. I’m not perfect, or anything close to it. I’m so confused about life with the touring, and the rumors, and the bullshit. I barely even understand myself. But I know one thing for sure, I’m in love with you, Christofer Drew Ingle. Fuck what the world thinks, I don’t want anyone else. So please,” I sighed, standing up and wiping the tears away from my face. My set is about to start. “Have faith in me.”

He was silent for a moment, probably thinking. “I want to trust you, and I want to believe you, but, after what you told me about you and Ronnie, after you‘ve spent hours listening to his music, after you‘ve told me a million and one times about how his music makes you feel,” he sighed. “I honestly can't trust you knowing that you’d willingly be with him if he snapped if fingers and said so.”

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall. “Then you obviously don’t love me as much as you think you do.”

----

Ronnie grabbed my hands as I walked pass him on the way to the stage. His jet black bangs were stuck to his forehead, but the rest was sticking up in a tangled mess making him look sexy. Even covered in sweat, Ronnie Radke is attractive. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I can honestly say I be all over--Okay. This is exactly why Christofer doesn’t trust me.

“Sing your new song.” he told me, still breathing hard from running around the stage for half an hour. “The one I helped you with.”

“I haven’t finished changing the lyrics, Ronnie.” I told him in a voice that screamed disbelief.

He rolled his eyes, pulling me toward him so he could lean down to whisper in my ear. “Close your eyes and image everything I say.” I tried to push him away, but he ignored me, pulling me closer. After a few seconds of a minor struggling, I gave in and closed my eyes. I felt his chest rumble with laughter before he sighed. “Let the music start,” he told me, his voice steady and calm. Intoxicating, almost. “Feel the drums thumping with each tap of Julia‘s sticks. Feel the strings of the bass and guitar buzzing with each note. Feel the crowd screaming your name. Feel the lights beaming down on you. Feel the adrenalin rushing through you as you see the pit starting.” he chuckled. “The right lyrics will come to you.”

When he let me go, my body felt like jelly. Like my legs would give out at any moment and I go diving to the floor. But at the same time, I felt strong. Like I could to anything. I smiled. “Thank, Ronnie.” I know I should hate him for all the trouble he’s causing me and Christofer. But I can’t bring myself to feel a single twinge of  hatred for Ronnie. He’s someone I admire more than anything. “I got this.”

He gave me his signature Ronnie grin. “That you do.”

I ran onto the stage feeling amazing. Despite everything that happened with Christofer and I, I knew I could make it through the night without breaking down. Or at least I could make it through the set. “What’s up, Austin, Texas!”

All I could hear were screams of happiness. And that made me feel good.

“We’re gonna do a new song for you guys.” I turned to face Julz who was giving me a confused glare. She knows I haven’t finished changing the lyrics, and once you sung a song live, the lyrics are pretty much stuck until further notice. “Count us in, Julz.”

With another look of disbelief, she nodded toward Zack and Jake before raising her drum sticks above her head. “One…two…One, two, three, four!”

The chaotic melody of Merlin’s new song broke loose and it sounded amazing. I could feel every note that was being played. I could feeling every four count being remembered. I could feel the lights beaming on me. I felt free. This is why I love what I do. It makes me forget all the pain I’m going through. All the stupid rumors. Everything. Because, as long as we’re on stage, the only thing I need to remember are the counts, and the lyrics.

“No sir. Well I don’t wanna be the blame. Not anymore. It’s your turn. To take a seat. We’re settling, the final score. And why do we like to hurt so much? I can’t decide. You have made it harder just, to go on. And why? All the possibilities. Well I was wrong.” I began to jump up and down as the music sped up. Most these lyrics were being made up on the spot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ronnie and Alex writing something down. Probably the lyrics. Smart boys. “That’s what you get when you let your heart win! Whoa-o-o-o! That’s what you get when you let your heart win! Whoa-o-o-o! I drowned out all my sense with, the sound of this beating! And that’s what you get when you let your heart win! Whoa-o-o-oooo!”

-------

“If you two break up, I’m going to kill you both.” Alex told me in a serious tone as he finished reading the song I wrote last night. His jaw was tight, as if he was mad or about to yell at me. But his brown eyes were gentle, as if he wanted to hug me and say things were going to be alright. “You have each other’s names tattooed. That’d be a fucked up reminder of what you had.”

“Shut up and focus.” I hissed at him, snatching my song book away from his fingers. He always finds a way to say something funny in messed up situations. And when I say funny, I mean funny to him. I personally wanted to smack him in the face. “I need to write an instrumental for this song. It’s for Christofer. I‘ve got the bass and guitar parts down. But I need you and Ryan to help me with the drums.”

Alex nodded, smiling. Probably because he thinks I’ve forgiven him for leaving Merlin, of course. It’s an unwritten rule between Alex and I that, when one of us is mad at the other, helping each other with a song means all is forgiven. We’re weird, I know. “Alright. What are you going to name it?”

I thought for a moment, remembering the lyrics I wrote after my set last night. When I thought of a name, I sighed. Knowing that Christofer would know it was for him the second he heard the title. But I guess that’s the point, huh? “Have Faith In Me.”

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Author’s Note: This book is…not really what I thought it was going to be. I’ve fixed my story line in this chapter, but I think there is more drama and confusion than I intended. What do you guys think?