Bad Intentions (Falling In Reverse)

Eleven: Dirty Little Secrets

Eleven: Dirty Little Secrets

                                   
~Bri~

“Well, Lauren. It looks like the drama with Bri Thomas and Christofer Drew isn’t over just yet.” Jeff from New Scene said from the tv. I was honestly shocked Julz let me watch it since everyone assumed it was this show that caused all the problems and, ultimately, me cutting again. But that wasn’t fully true. It wasn’t just because of the show. It was everything mixed together.

“So I’ve heard.” Lauren responded with a dirty look on her face. Wow. This chick is way too involved with her job. Not even just her job. Way too involved with my life. And so fucking nosy too. “My sources tell me that both Bri AND Christofer are having problems in their personal lives.” she flipped her blonde hair -with the newly dyed purple undertone- over her shoulder before continuing. “I’m sure everyone has seen the recent interview with Never Shout Never and Bryan Stars by now. And we all know how extremely rude Christofer was. Christofer is now blaming his out burst on his drugs usage. ‘I’d taken acid a few hours before the interview and it hadn’t fully worn off yet’ said Drew on a recent radio show.” Oh wow. I didn’t know she was actually able to sound like a professional. Shocking.

“This bitch still has a job?” Ronnie hissed as he walked onto the bus. “I thought we got her fired.” he mumbled, pulling me to his end of the couch so that my head was now leaning on his shoulder. Normally, Alex and I would sit like this. But since Alex isn’t here, Ronnie will have to do. “Why are you letting her watch this, Julz?”

From the other side of the couch, Julz rolled her eyes. “Because fuck you.”

I stretched my leg out, kicking her lightly. “Julz.” I hissed before rolling my eyes. This girl has always had such a bad attitude. Funny, it may be, but she still needs to stop. Someone is going to punch her teeth down her throat one of these days, I swear.

“Sources show, Christofer has been doing more than just ‘acid’.” Jeff stated, actually doing those fucking air quotes that I hate so much.

Now, it was my least favorite person’s time to talk. Is it wrong that I fucking hate this bitch even though I’ve never met her? I know she was just doing her job when she was talking about me and Christofer a few weeks back, but still. She was a total bitch about it. “Yes. I’ve also heard he’s been doing cocaine.”

“What?!” Me, Ronnie, and Julz all shouted at once. “What the literal fuck?!” I added, completely in awe. I knew Christofer smoked weed, so that didn’t shock me at all. The acid, it did a little bit. But cocaine? That’s some serious shit. What the hell is he thinking?

“Quite a few people on Twitter, as well as other social network sites, have been saying Christofer’s recent hardcore drug addiction came from the break up with Bri Thomas.” of course, this bitch slurred my name like it was some sort of poison.

“Okay. Cool. Blame it on me when he’s the one who broke it off.” I hissed, getting pissed already. “Fucking dumb asses. NewScene needs to get their facts straight before they attempt to talk shit and point fingers at people. I just love how they assume I was the one who broke his heart. I love how they assume I was the one who cheated first. And more than anything, I love how they blame me for everything that‘s fucked up in Christofer‘s life. I didn’t do a damn thing wrong here. But apparently, becoming friends with Ronnie Radke and acting like an idiot with him is a big fucking deal. Assholes.” as I finished my sarcasm-laced rant, I slapped away a tear that managed to escape my eye.

Ronnie’s arms tightened around me just as Julz laid down and hugged my legs. I guess, no matter how hard I tried to hide how upset I am, they still could tell. “It’s okay, Bri Bear. They don’t even deserve your tears.” Julz mumbled, patting my legs.

“Bunch of fucking bitches.” I mumbled. “Don’t they have anything else to report on? Like maybe Kellin Quinn’s greasy ass hair or some shit?”

“Hey now.” Julz said in a warning tone. “Don’t start bashing Kellin because you‘re mad.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Everyone on this tour knows I can’t stand him. Never could. Don’t act like this is something new, Julz.” Let the record show, I fucking hate Kellin Quinn. Don’t like that fact? FIGHT ME THEN. “And his hair is really greasy. That can’t be disputed.”

“And what about Bri Thomas? I heard she was Hospitalized a few weeks back.” Jeff asked.

I sighed. “Here we go…”

Lauren wrinkled her nose up. What the hell is her problem with me? This can’t be just because of what happened with Christofer. I don’t care how big of a fan you are, you don’t get THIS upset over something that happened to someone you don’t even know. “Yes. She was hospitalized recently for what looked like a suicide attempt.” just as the camera turned away from her, I caught Lauren rolling her eyes. Fucking bitch! Why does she even hate me so much?! “So, clearly both Christofer and Bri are having a hard time.”

Jeff nodded. “I heard quite a few people are saying maybe they are, in fact, meant to be together, and that’s why they’re having so many problems now that they’re apart.”

Again, Lauren made a face. But this one was different. She almost looked…jealous? “Maybe so.” she snapped. “The heart wants what the heart wants. However, that doesn’t mean it’s what’s for the best”

“Well,” I sighed, knowing that she was right. “With that being said by Lauren, I guess I picked the perfect night to sing my new song, now didn’t I?”

Both Julz and Ronnie chuckled at the tone I used. “Yeah. Perfect timing, Doll.” Ronnie added, looking down at me with a playful smirk on his lips.

----

As I walked back and forth in a random room under the venue, I could hear the crowd going insane over something Alex just said to them. I rolled my eyes and continued to bite on my nails. I’ve never been this nervous to go on stage. Not even the first time I played a show. I don’t understand what’s scaring me so badly. I guess it’s the fact that I plan to set everything straight tonight.

“Someone looks a little tense.” Ronnie said from behind me.

I flipped around to find him leaning against the doorframe with an innocent look on his face. I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t so damn nervous. “You’re wearing that on stage?” I questioned, trying to take the attention off of me. I honestly wasn’t in the mood for talking about my problems. I just wanted to get through this night without breaking down. If possible.

Rolling his eyes, he walked into. “Yes. Problem?”

“No.” I said with a laugh. “You actually look…” I trailed off as I really took in what he was wearing. It almost looked exactly like what he wore in one of the photo shoots On The Wings Of Merlin did with FIR a few weeks back. Just a black v-neck, lather jacket, converse, and his red skinnys with more belts than necessary. And, of course, that messy hair that he wears so well. All in all, he looked “Sexy as fuck, to be completely honest, Ronnie.” I told him, voicing my thoughts. “Are you trying to make 15 year old girls pass out all over the venue?” I asked rhetorically. I looked down, laughing at the memory of me screaming in joy at an Escape The Fate concert when I was 15. That’s right. I’ve been a Ronnie Radke fan since the ‘Situations’ days.

Keeping up his innocent persona, Ronnie cocked his head to the side with a small smile on his lips. “Now what’s so funny all of a sudden?” 

I shook my head, pushing my bangs out of my face. “Nothing. I just, ah,” I laughed again. “I remember going to an Escape The Fate concert when I was younger and totally fangirling over you.” I shook my head, laughing at myself and my memories again. “I never thought I’d be standing in the same room as you without paying to do so. Let alone be on tour with you, and be good friends.”

Suddenly, the innocent look on his face was gone. And it was soon replaced by that evil little grin of his. Uh-oh. “You’ve also fucked me, Dollface.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing once again. “Oh, how could I forget that?”

“Well I hope that you wouldn’t.” he said, taking a few steps toward me. Now we were only a few inches a part. “Because if you did…” he put his hand under my chin, tilting it upward so that I was now staring at his chocolate brown eyes. “Then I might have to jog your memory.” with those words out, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

I laughed at his words before kissing him back. Honestly, kissing Ronnie was nothing like kissing Christofer. There was no taste of sweet smoke, or that spark that people say they feel when kissing the right person. But, my heart is racing. Probably because I’m kissing someone as attractive as Ronnie Radke.

Then, without warning, Ronnie pulled back to give me a sexy smirk. “You don’t seem too tense anymore.” 

I gave him a confused look. But when he cocked an eyebrow at me, I remembered what he was talking about. He said I looked tense when he came in. Which, I guess I was. “Yeah.” I chuckled, realizing that I was actually extremely calm now. “Thank you.” I said with a wink before walking around him so I could finish getting ready.

“Excuse me, where do you think you’re going?” Ronnie asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back toward him.

I rolled my eyes, laughing when he flipping me around so that I was now facing him. “I have to finish getting ready, dude.” I told him, pushing against his chest as I tired to wiggle out of his arms. Why he so damn strong?! What happened to the twiggy Ronnie?!

“Yeah, no.” he shook his head, tightening his arms around me. “That’s not happening. I’m not done with you just yet.” Ronnie told me with a smirk as he picked me up and sat me on the amp sitting behind us.

I rolled my eyes at him, knowing exactly what was about to happen. “You do realize that I have to go on stage in all of 45 minutes, right?” I somehow managed to keep my voice steady as I tried to ignore the fact that his lips on my neck felt really good. And that was honestly a very hard task.

“We have bigger problems then that.” Ronnie told me, moving his lips to mine.

I let my fingers get lost in his messy hair for a moment before asking the question on my mind. “Such as?”

He laughed against my lips before pulling back to smirk at me. “Well, being quiet for one. And our other problem will be not breaking that table over there.” he told me, nodding toward a table I didn’t even notice was in the room.

I rolled my eyes, pushing him back a few inches. “Close the door, Ronnie.” I said with a laugh before adding, “And we’ve got 42 minutes, so make this fast.”

----

42 minutes, three bite marks, countless scratches, and one broken table later -that’s right, we actually managed to broke a damn table-, I was bolting out of the room trying to finger-comb my hair and put my shirt on at the same time. Seeing that this isn’t the first time I’m doing this, I’m honestly starting to feel like a whore. 

“Where the hell have you been!” Julz and Jake yelled at me as I ran up the stairs that would lead me to the stage.

I stopped, staring at them for a moment. Damn it to hell! What am I supposed to tell them? I didn’t have time to come up with a good alibi, and obviously its hard to come up with something believable on the spot. “Uhm…” I searched my brain for an excuse that I haven’t already used to cover up something, but I came up empty. I sighed, coming to the conclusion that NewScene was right. I am an awful person. “I was down stairs.”

“Doing what?” Jake questioned, crossing his arms as his eyebrows knotted together.

Again, I sighed. “Ronnie.”

From next to Julz, a spew of water flew out of Zack’s mouth, followed by him coughing uncontrollably while hitting his chest as he tired to catch his breath. I rolled my eyes at his silly actions. Why is this so shocking? It’s not like they didn’t expect it, because I’m more than sure they did. “You were doing who?” Zack managed to get out between coughs.

Again, I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms as I started to get a little annoyed with the way Jake was looking at me. He was giving me that ‘I can’t believe you’ look. “I was having sex with Ronnie.” I said firmly before feeling a tiny bit embarrassed as I saw Ryan walk past and stop to give me a wide-eyed look of pure shock. “Stop looking at me like that, guys! I’m an adult! I can sleep with who I want! I don’t see why its such a big deal!”

“That’s not the problem with your previous statement.” Jake snapped, looking almost as annoyed as I was. I already know his attitude has to do with Christofer. This is what happens when your band members start being friends with your boyfriend.

Oh, wait.

Correction.

Ex-boyfriend.

I sucked my teeth at Jake. “Then what is the problem? Mhmm? Just spit it out, Jacob.” I snapped, cocking an eyebrow while giving him a challenging glare, daring him to say something back.

Jake flared his nostrils like he normally does with he’s mad. It honestly makes him look like a fucking horse. But you can tell him that. He’ll argue you down. “I thought you wanted to get back with Chris?” he snapped, crossing his arms. “Fucking around with Ronnie is defiantly not going to help the case since, ya know, he thinks you were cheating on him WITH Ronnie.”

I clenched and unclenched my teeth, trying to calm myself down. I was more upset than mad with Jake at this point. He knows the situation with Christofer. I don’t understand why Jake talking about him like something between Christofer and I has changed. “Christofer doesn’t want anything to do with me, Jake!” I yelled over Chasing Starz‘s final song, feeling my eyes starting to sting. But I couldn’t cry right now. I have  a set to do in all of 2 minutes. My hair and clothes at already a mess. Crying would just make me look that much worse. “When are you guys gonna get that? Christofer is done with me.” I said that last part mostly to myself, my own words cutting into me like knives.

I honestly hate this whole situation.

Finally, Julz stepped in. “Back off, Jake. What and who Bri does has nothing to do with you.” She snapped, sticking her hip out as the pissed look on her face grew.

“Wha--”

Julz held up her hand, cutting him off with another death glare. And man…her death glares are so scary, you wish you were dead after seeing it directed at you. Can you say nightmares for days? “Shut the fuck up, Jake. You’ve said enough.” she told him, shooting him a warning look when he opened his mouth to say something else.

I shot Julz and ‘thank you’ look before turning to Jake and Zack. “Let’s not take this beef on stage, okay, guys?” I told/asked them in a serious tone. “All is forgiven, and if not, then let’s deal with it after our set.” I made sure to put emphases on the ‘after’. Jake is famous for taking fights to the stage even after we told him to lay off. “We cool, Jake?”

He stared at me for a moment -clearly thinking- before holding out his arms to give me a hug. “Yeah.” he nodded as we hugged each other. “We’re good. Us too, Julz.” he added when he pulled back.

I sighed, relieved that we could fix this before time for to go on stage. “Good, then let’s do this.” I told them with a smile before turning and running past the curtain onto the stage.

Immediately, the lights hit my eyes and the screams filled my ears. And that’s when all the pain I was feeling a few seconds ago melted away. When I’m on stage, nothing matters.  Not the pain, not Christofer, not the home sick feeling I get sometimes, nothing. Nothing at all. It’s just me, my band, the fans and music. I can honestly say I come Alive In The Lights. This is my home.

“What’s up, LA!” I yelled into the mic. I loud roar of screams is what filled my ears. “Awesome! Are you ready for some music?!” another roar of screams. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I said into the mic, chuckling while smiling. “This first song is something I wrote a long time ago with my good friend Alex who just left the stage.” I looked toward the curtain to see Alex and the rest of Chasing Starz mirroring my smile. “Don’t forget to sing along if you know the lyrics. Julz, count us in.”

“Two, three, four.” I heard her whisper into the mic as she tapped her china cymbal.

Jake started flicking his strings just as I started singing. “I hate this town. It’s so washed up. And all my friends don’t give a fuck. Don’t tell me that it’s just bad luck. When will I find where I fit in?”

“TWO, THREE, FOUR!” Julz, Jake, and Zack yelled into their mics before slamming onto their instruments.

“Remembered when I tired?
I never strayed too far from you.
Forever by your side.
No matter what I was going through! 

But now I never, the things to say to you,
That help me prove, that I’m still on your side.
I never show, just what you do to me.
Cause I'm always what's wrong.”

These lyrics were about Alex when we were in a fight back waaaay in the day. But now…these lyrics reminded me of Christofer. But then again, most of my lyrics do.

“I hate this town! It’s so washed up!
And all my friends, don’t give a fuck!
Don’t tell me that its just bad luck.
When will I find where I fit in?"

And that part reminded me of home. And why, most of the time, I didn’t miss it at all. All my friends where standing either on the stage with me, behind the curtain, or on other tours. The only person I miss from home is my Mom. I haven’t seen her in months. But that’s okay. We’ve never gotten along very well.

“I hate this town, Cause no one can understand,
I just can’t be dragged down.
Nothing comes between and my plans!

So now I never, know the things to say to you,
That help me prove, that I’m still on your side.
I never show, just what you do to me.
Cause I'm always what's wrong.”

I walked back to the front of the stage to put my mic back on the stand so I could clap my hands over my head, signaling everyone to do it with me. And soon, they did.

“I hate this town! It’s so washed up!
And all my friends, don’t give a fuck!
Don’t tell me that its just bad luck.
When will I find where I fit in?!

And don’t believe a word they’re telling you!
Don’t believe a word they’re telling you!
They let me down. When will I find where I fit in?
I hate this town!”

When the music slowed down, I grabbed the mic stand, leaning closer to the crowd and reaching my head out so I could sing to the people who got me where I am today. It seems like just yesterday I was the kid against the wall-of-death holding my hand up to touch the band members when they leaned down while I screamed my lungs out.

“What a world, come on never bring me down.
Everything I had is turning back around.
Cause our time's worth something,
Bigger than both you and me.”

“I can’t live my life always backing down.” I thought about Christofer when I sang that line. I backed down when he said he believed the lies that were being spread. I could’ve at least tried to make him believe me. But I didn’t even do that. I just let him slip away. That’s when I felt a tear slid down my face. This song means a lot to me.

“I gotta do this right, then they can’t make a sound.” I have to set the record straight about what happened between me and Ronnie. Not even to explain myself, but just to make everyone understand that NewScene is wrong and that they make up shit to hurt people.

“Cause I’m not here for nothing. Least I can say I stand for something!” I yelled it as loud as I could before dropping into a head bang. I felt all the emotions flooding through me and into this song. NewScene made me feel like shit. They me everyone hate me. They made my life hell. Made me feel worthless. But like I just said, I’m not here for nothing. I stand for something. What the hell does NewScene stand for? Fucking drama. That’s it. “You and me we stand for something!” I pointed to the crowd, talking to everyone in it who feels like I didn’t. We stand for something. All of us.

“I hate this town! It’s so washed up!
And all my friends, don’t give a fuck!
Don’t tell me that’s its just bad luck!
When will I find where I fit in?!” All four of us sang together with the crowd singing along with us.

“And don’t believe a word they’re telling to you!
Don’t believe a word they’re telling to you!
They let me down!
When will I find where I fit in?!
I hate this town!”

When I finished the song, I did a back flip off of the speaker in front of me. Shockingly, I landed it properly. I guess that’s what all those emotions with do to you.

I walked back over to the mic, breathing hard as I smiled at the crowd going wild, the pit closing up, and nearly half the venue shooting up the ‘devil horns’. I smiled, throwing them up too. “Stay metal!” I yelled, cause them to go insane again.

I looked at my band members, giving them a look that only they’d understand. “So this next song was written by, not only myself, but everyone on this tour. I love all these guys so much. They’re my family.” I smiled behind me, I saw Ryan and Ronnie sticking their heads through the curtain next to Julz. Ronnie stuck his tongue out  and wiggled it suggestively. I rolled my eyes. “But before we play it, I have something I want to tell you guys.” I smiled before getting very serious. “Take your cell phones and cameras out because you’re gonna want to have this on tape, and I’ll only say it once.”

Julz made a disapproving grunt from behind me, knowing exactly what I was about to do.

I ignored her. “I’m gonna set the record straight tonight.” I smirked, knowing this was going to be on YouTube by the time I got to the bus later. “About everything. And we’re gonna start with the one rumor that I know everyone is dying to know the truth about.” I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I’m about to say. “Yes. I did fuck Ronnie Radke.”

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Author’s Note: Me writing a cliffhanger? Nahhh! Hahaha! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It took me a long time to write. I tried to edit it the best I could. But please excuse any typos. Also, excuse any mistakes in the lyrics. No one can really understand what the vocalist from A Day To Remember is saying, like ever. xD

SEQUEL INFO: So I probably will be writing a sequel. However, at the moment, I have no idea what it’ll be about. Also, it more than likely will not come out right away because I’m starting a new book about Falling In Reverse right after I finish this one. FIR fans, it will be called “Reality Check”. (:

Vomment and fan, my loves! Love you for reading! :D

-Lexi Rain