A Daughter To Love.. (Amanda Mealing/Casualty Fanfiction)

My Therapy Appointment...

(Richard's P.O.V)
My hands were wrapped around Amanda's bump. She was sleeping soundly. She must of been tired from last night.. travelling back from her mums. She was immensely brave for talking to the kids about us going through the loss of Riley. She didn't have to tell them, but she did. Today was hopefully going to be the start of her recovery. I'd be there for her no matter what... through her nightmares, the screaming, the arguments... I ran my fingers through her long, straight hair. Just admiring her. I was just about to go back to sleep when I heard her mumble.. "Riley. Baby..." oh no. I felt her hand grip fiercely on to my hand... "Babe! Where's Riley?" I looked at her calmly rubbing her back.... "It's alright Amanda. It's OK." She started crying and gripping on to the duvet... I calmed her down all night.. rubbing her back. I was thinking how I was going to comfort her. I felt helpless.. she'd run away to her mum's for 1 night because she couldn't face the fact that our child was growing inside her. What was she going to be like when our little girl was actually here?

I'd carefully pulled the duvet over her as she was drifting off to sleep. I kissed her forehead and closed off the door. I made my way downstairs. Trying to take my mind off things..

I put the kettle on and heard Mia on the phone. "A lot has gone on babe. You might not want to come round tonight. Me, Milo and Otis just need to keep an eye on Mum and dad." I heard Issac babble... "Mummy.. Mummy." I made my cup of tea and went back upstairs. I just sat down on the bed.. hearing Issac. Feeling kinda numb inside.. I sat down in the chair looking outside the window.. seeing the view from our street. Looking over at Amanda. Wondering how she was going to cope.  Just her asking and screaming for Riley hurt... I think she needed to see someone professional. Have some help.

I turned around and Amanda was laying down.. just staring into space. "I thought you was in bed darling. Couldn't you sleep?" I looked at her... staring at her big, brown eyes.... "Are you feeling any better?" She looked at me.. a stray tear forming in her eye. "I have no idea how I'm feeling..."

She turned around and just looked at me. "Come on baby. Tell me what's going on inside. I am here for you." She turned away and just clasped her hands tight... "Just go away. I don't want to even think of talking to you right now..." Her voice was quiet.... sad.... I quietly left the bedroom.

I leaned against the door... praying that she would let me in.... "You know what I'm going to do.. I'm going to pack a bag. Yeah. I'll do that." I suddenly started pushing the door handle and trying to open the door. "No! Please babe! I know you're really  hurting and broken right now! Please, please let me in!"

I tried the door handle again and again... it wouldn't budge... "WHY DID HAVE TO BE ME!? WHY? OH.. I'M JUST THE WOMAN WITH THE BAD BODY, THE BAD EGGS INSIDE MY BODY... BEING ILL DIDN'T HELP EITHER! JUST LEAVE RICHARD! LEAVE! I SWEAR I'LL PACK MY BAG IF YOU DON'T LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"

(Amanda's P.O.V)
I was scared to have this new baby. I'd lived in fear, secret torment of not being the best mum. Afraid of slipping up. Being ill made me question everything... I wasn't used to being scared of my emotions. It's like a knife was slicing my feelings. Bit by bit. Peice by Peice. I looked at my bag across the room. It was fully packed. A cold, painful tear dropped down my face. I felt exhausted. Tired. I just let my tears fall. I didn't want anyone near me. I placed my hand on my stomach. "Hey little lady. I love you. Mummy is really ill. She's just not ready to admit it." I let out a big, massive, heartfelt cry.... What should I do? I put on my pyjamas and went to bed. I needed help.  

I cried myself to sleep... feeling tears streaming down my face.. keeping my hand gripped tightly on  my stomach. I just started to drift off when I heard the door open. 'Hey babe. It's only me.' I looked at Richard and just took his hand. 'I'm depressed Richard. Iv'e been feeling down for days. My mood hasn't been the same. I'm deeply depressed and i'd like to see someone. I mean it. I'll go and talk to someone.' He squeezed my hand. 'I'll be right there beside you ok?'