It's Okay to be Different

13

I'm mentally drained. Alex is so hard to deal with. He screamed at me earlier today. He told me I was useless. He told me I'm just a face. He told me I'm stupid and I deserve to die.

But if he believes all of that, why am I still here? Why can't I just leave? He obviously doesn't want me here. I always hear him mumbling "I regret that night". But which night? The night that we ran away? The night he had sex with me for the first time?

I miss Mitch. I miss Mitch so much. I miss his soft voice and his soft lips. I miss his facial expression when he's reading or when he's really focused on something. I miss his sweet smile and his perfect teeth. I miss his small hands and his even smaller frame.

But what I miss the most is how strong Mitch holds himself up. You can tell he's been through some tough shit. But he acts so tough. He is really tough. He's always got this stern face, like he's not going to take anyone's shit. I remember almost being afrai-

"IF I HEAR ONE MORE FUCKING THOUGHT ABOUT MITCH I SWEAR TO GOD, HOYING, I'LL COME UP THERE AND SNAP YOUR NECK RIGHT NOW!" Alex screams from downstairs. I feel the tears sting at my eyes but they never fall. I can't let them fall. He'll hear them fall and he'll kill me.

I'm sick and tired of all of this. I'm doing this right now. And I'm not going to look him in the eye as I do it.

I storm down the stairs with steam practically coming out of my ears.

"Alex!" I say sternly but my voice falters a little bit. "I'm leaving. Right now. You treat me terribly. I'm tired of getting screamed at and threatened. I'm tired of feeling trapped. I miss Mitch! I want him! Not you!" I say while staring at the floor angrily.

Suddenly, he's standing in front of me. "Scott, baby, look at me." He grabs my face but I rip my head out of his grip.

"Never again." I mutter.

"Why not, honey?" He asks, sounding a bit sad. It makes my blood boil. He doesn't give a fuck about me.

"Because every single time I look into your eyes, I can't think straight! Whatever decision I've made in my head changes! I didn't want to believe you when you told me that Mitch changed me! I didn't want to think that the man I love betrayed me! I didn't want to fall in love with you! I didn't even want to stay here for a month! I wanted to leave AFTER THE FIRST WEEK! BUT EVERYTIME I LOOKED INTO YOUR FUCKING EYES I CHANGED MY MIND! EVERYTIME I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES, I COULDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MITCH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME, ALEX? I DON'T LOVE YOU! I LOVE MITCH! I NEVER LOVED YOU! I DON'T WANT TO LOVE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO LOVE YOU!" I didn't mean to start ranting but it feels so good to get all of that out.

Alex is silent. For a long time. He even seems a little hurt.

"Scott, you know I love you, right?"

"No." I state simply.

"Why not?"

"Because you've treated me like shit. You told me earlier that I'm useless and that I deserve to die. You don't tell someone that you love shit like that."

"Watch your tone. I'm the most powerful vampire. I don't want to lash out on you and hurt you." He coaxes as he tries to stroke my face. I keep my eyes fixated on the floor as I dodge his touch.

Suddenly the door flies open. "You don't want to hurt him." It's Mitch. "You mean like you hurt me? Oh and by the way, you're not the most powerful vampire. His mother is. He's Connie Hoying's son." Mitch came for me.

"So give him up." A more feminin voice speaks. I whip my head up and see a girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Standing next to her is a guy with dark hair that cascades down a little past his shoulders.

"We don't want to hurt anyone. We just want the boy and we'll be on our way." The man speaks. It's the same deep voice I heard during my transition.

"You brought a dog with you." Alex says with disgust clear in his voice.

"We did." Mitch says with a smirk. "Hopefully we won't have to use her."

"Scott doesn't want to go with you." He places a hand on my shoulder and I shrug it off. "Right, Scotty?" He keeps trying to get me to look at him.

"No." Is all I say. Mitch suddenly looks sad. I quickly push Alex. Hard. He flies across his living room. "I already told you I'm leaving." I make my way towards the door. Towards Mitch.

"But you don't really want that." I take one final glance back at him and meet his eyes.

Maybe I don't really want to leave. I love Alex.

Fight it, Scott. You're strong. You're powerful. You can overcome the acquiescence. Mitch's voice echoes in my head. He continues speaking to me. The night that I found you. You were drunk, Alex is the one that bit you. He's the one that changed you. You thought he looked familiar when he showed up at my door. He had you pinned against the wall, remember? Pleasuring you. And then he bit you. You begged him to stop. He did this to you.

"STOP FILLING HIS HEAD WITH LIES!" Alex bellows. I'm still staring straight into his eyes. "Scott, don't believe him. He's a liar." He's trembling with rage.

I love you just as much as you love me, Scott. His love is fake. He wants to keep you so he can use you. There are hundreds of other vampires here. He's starting an army that he wants you to lead. He wants you to kill me.

And that's all I need to fight the nagging feeling telling me to believe Alex as I stare into his eyes. "Fuck you, Kirk." And I slam the door shut.