Ben and I haven't spoken in a week and a half. The very few times that he even bothered to show up to daily lessons, I made a point to blatantly ignore him.
Master Skywalker was surprised to find me awake after I'd left the garden the last night that I spoke to Ben; despite the fact that I'd finally escaped my prolonged slumber, he refused to let me rejoin lessons for a few more days to make sure my body was prepared to resume such activity.
Those few days hit me like a brick wall.
Pent up in my room, I had nothing to do but get lost in my own thoughts.
I was left to grieve the loss of one of my best friends alone. The scene of her death played over and over in my mind as if it was to torture me.
And Ben wasn't there to hold me while I cried, to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
Is everything going to be okay, though?
I feel her absence in every lesson I attend without her. I can't even bear to look at Rey.
"Lyra, hey. Are you feeling alright?" Marco nudges me out of my thoughts, his eyebrows-furrowed in concern.
"Never better." I plaster a small smile on my face; but the smile doesn't reach my eyes.
"It's okay if you're hurting, Lyra. You don't have to keep it inside; it only makes it more painful." He whispers, a thoughtful glint flashing in his eye.
"We only want to help you." Sybil adds quietly from beside him, her knowing, golden-eyed gaze consuming me. My bottom lip involuntarily wobbles and I feel a great, comforting warmth inside from their sweet words.
A small, traitorous tear cascades over my cheek and Marco quickly engulfs me in a soft hug, his padawan robes smelling of leather and boy.
"I miss her so much." I mumble, my voice cracking ever so slightly.
"It's alright to miss her, Lyra. But Cat will never be gone; she's only lost when she's forgotten." Sybil places her hand on my shoulder, her voice thick with sorrow.
"As long as you remember her, she'll always be with you." Marco adds, his deep voice rumbling against my cheek, which is pressed against his chest.
"Thank you." I say truthfully, a new feeling shining light in the strictly dark emotions I'd been struggling with ever since I woke up.
I let go of my dear friend then, Donati and Luna joining us as we chatter freely amongst ourselves the way we always used to, despite the two prominent presences that we are missing.
And, only a few moments later, I feel an intense gaze practically burning at the back of my head, and I know it's him.
The anger I felt that night when he refused to tell me what was wrong, to let me help him, flares up immediately.
But I don't give him the satisfaction of having me finally look his way.
He doesn't deserve it.
-
"I haven't been to sparring in ages!" I exclaim to Luna excitedly, practically bouncing in my every step while she laughs at my giddiness as we approach the training chambers.
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covet ➸ kylo ren (1)
Fanfiction"The marks people leave are too often scars." - Lyra Escara had fulfilled her father's dream of becoming a Padawan learner at a very young age; as a small child hearing his tales of the Rebellion, she'd longed to learn to ways of the Jedi Code, and...
