covet ➸ kylo ren (1)

chapter sixteen ➸ my love

I leave the diner early, bidding my dearest friends goodbye.

My destination is clear in my mind. I hope he can sense it through our connection, the way I can sense his heartbeat.

I stand under Anakin Skywalker for what feels like forever. I hug myself tightly, the chilly breeze in the air making my curls tickle my face. I suppress the memory of the last time I was here, and what had happened that night. Who could've known something so intimate and lovely could've become deadly?

I decide I'm going to leave after what seems to be an hour, give or take a few minutes, when I hear footsteps. I turn my gaze in the direction of the sound, a feeling of warmth washing over me when I see his face.

"Ben." I whisper when he's close enough. There is an unnatural space between us, as if he doesn't want to stand too close to me. I shrug it off, understanding why he might be upset.

"Why have you called me here?" He asked, his voice thick and wavering.

"I want to say that I'm sorry, for what I said. Being without you by my side is more unbearable than keeping any secrets. You are what matters to me most, and I realize that now" I sigh, tentatively tucking a stray curl behind my ear. I bite my lip and search his face, shivering a little as the wind picks up. Ben notices this, and he shrugs off his wool cloak without hesitation and settles it over my shoulders. I quietly thank him.

"I love you, Lyra. I would do anything to protect you." He glances to his left to make sure that we are alone, then softly presses his lips to my forehead, pulling me closer.

"I love you, Ben." I whisper as if I have to convince him of the fact. I press my cheek to his chest and relish in the warmth of his arms around me, my heart fluttering.

"You're shivering, why don't we go inside?" He suggests, practically shoving me towards the temple before I could have the chance to object.

My cheeks glow pink as we laugh at a joke from earlier in the day, hurrying into the warmth of my chambers. He sits on my bed and I join him there, watching as he quietly smooths out the undone duvet as if he's thinking about something.

"I can see smoke coming out of your ears." I repeat something he has said to me since I was a child, taking his hand to stop the noise and tenderly kissing it.

"I have a lot to think about." He answers, his tone somehow sounding simultaneously suggestive and foreboding. I regard him quizzically, my eyebrows furrowed and lips puckered.

"Are you worried for your trials?" I wonder, voicing worries that have been crowding my own mind for the last year or so. His eyes don't leave my face, as if he is trying to take it all in, memorize it, every plane and feature.

"That's not it." He shakes his head, tearing himself from his stupor, but to no avail. He is doing it again within seconds.

"I love you, Lya, my stars. Please, tell me you know that." He whispers, and I sense his tone of finality, of immense meaning and strong feeling.

I search his beautiful eyes, my heart pumping, and instead of answering, my lips finally slam into his.

He tastes sweet, his scent encapsulating me, drawing me in. One of my hands is tangled in his curls, holding him close to me, the other gently cupping his jawline, my thumb running over the new stubble on his cheek.

He holds my own face delicately, as if I'm made of porcelain, but his lips fiercely contrast the sentiment as he deepens the kiss.

My lips feel as if they're on fire as the hunger overtakes is both, and we naturally move closer to each other, desperate to be near, to be close and touching. Together.

I grab at the hem of his shirt and he freezes, pulling away to meet my eyes. He searches my face.

"Are you sure?" He asks, almost sounding cliche, but I am too pleased with his sincerity to care.

"Of course, my love." I smile softly, reaching up to caress his cheek.

His breath hitches in his throat and I take the moment to crash my lips into his once more, knowing the night ahead will be one that will change us forever.

-

Ben's POV

I wait until I can hear Lyra's soft snores, her breath tickling my bare chest, before I do one of the hardest things I have had to do yet.

This is the night I have been losing sleep over for quite a long time. This is the night that it would all go into motion, when I am meant to make an impossible sacrifice to be sure of her safety.

This night did not go as planned.

The love I feel for my Lyra is indescribable in this very moment.

I would sacrifice anything if it meant she is happy, alive, and breathing. I make her happy, and that is why I know I must do what I need to do. To be with her, ensure her life and safety.

This way, I can finally turn my back on everything I had known. The abandonment of my own family, the disinterest and contempt they truly felt for me inside. The Jedi Order that brought nothing but war and powerful enemies into the galaxy. The restraint on my power.

I look over her sleeping form, her chocolate brown curls fanned over her pillow, her ivory cheek pressed onto my chest, her lips pink and swollen, her eyelashes fluttering with every breath she takes in.

I have known from the moment I met her as a boy that she is the most beautiful creature in the galaxy. It was hard believe she could ever love someone like me, someone who struggles with torment and abuse, and faced abandonment from every other person I had ever felt close to.

I have to convince myself that I will see her again, when this is all over, to be able to leave her alone in her bed, amid her slumber. I tuck her blankets under her chin and press my lips to her forehead, caressing her hair one final time.

Then I get dressed and I leave. I lock the door behind me, so she can no longer escape.

I enter my chambers and lie in my bed, contemplating my future actions.

Should I do it? Is it right? Is it what I am meant to do?

I fall asleep before I can make up my mind.

The final decision is made for me, an hour later, when I am torn from my slumber by the hum of my uncle's green lightsaber, held dangerously close to my face.

-

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