Tomorrow Never Dies

Chapter 63 - "Middle of the night"

Flora's POV

I checked my bag in at the reception of the rehabilitation centre, where it was immediately searched for things I could use to injure myself or medications. My meds were taken and checked into my file, and my bag was given back. An orderly lead me to a room, where I put my bag down and unpacked, and then we went straight to the rec room. A group of people were sat in a circle and the orderly pointed a an empty seat. I sat down, listened to what was being said, and when the girl who was speaking finished her story, I was asked to introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Flora."

"Welcome Flora, my name is Paula and I'm the group leader." I shot her a smile and went back to looking at my feet, tapping my toes on the tiles. The group therapy session ended quickly, without another word from me, and as soon as it did I went back to me room to have a nap. As I lay my head on the soft pillow, there was a gentle knock on my door. I looked up, as I wasn't allowed to shut the door, and saw the girl who'd been speaking in group standing with a smile on her face.

"Come in," I told her, sitting up against the wall.

"Hi. Flora, right?" I nodded. "I'm Chrissy."

"Hi," I said weakly, just wanting to go back to my nap.

"I know you probably don't want to talk now, but I just want you to know that you will get used to being here. Everyone in here was the new person once, and they know the pressure and stress you feel. You'll fit right in soon enough." I glanced up at her, taking in her wickedly sharp winged eyeliner, and nodded.

"Thank you."

"If you need anything, I'm in the room next door." She got up, drew my curtains for me, and left. I settled back down into the bed, grabbed my teddy bear, and pulled it close to my chest before drawing out my phone. I was limited to half an hour a day on it, and the orderlies were keeping an eye, but I needed to see if anything had happened. There was a voicemail left from Michael, and I was momentarily unsure of whether I wanted to hear it or not. It could be him swearing me out for leaving him; it could be him begging me to come back. But I opened it and let it play.

"Flora," Michael sighed on the recording. "I know you're going through a really tough time, and I'm so proud of you for taking the steps to try and improve it, but I love you too much to let you go. Let me know when you're ready to take visitors and I'll come and see you, and we can talk everything through. Until then-" he paused, and I heard him fumbling with his guitar. He started singing softly, and the lyrics of the song made me cry. "I keep coming back to that moment where it all fell apart. So I try and drink my emotions til I can't feel my heart. And I don't understand how you slipped through my hands, and I'm trying all I can to forget you again. So when I call you in the middle of the night, and I'm choking on the words cause I miss you, baby don't tell me I'm out of time, I've got so much of my loving to give you." My heart shattered like it was made of glass and he'd hurled it against the wall like I imagined he did with the ring, or the note I left, or both. I closed my eyes and felt tears resting on my lashes, and when I opened them the drops rolled down my cheeks. I nestled my head into the pillow and sighed, pulling my teddy even closer to the point that it may well have just been an extension of my own body. I closed my eyes and let slumber take me.

***
I woke up to a harsh knocking on the door.

"Flora! Time to get up, it's dinner time!" A bustling matron filled my doorway, and I nodded in confusion, still trying to work out what century it was. She stalked off, letting me sit up, wipe my eyes and shake my head, and I finally peeled the covers off myself before following the others to the dining room. I took a plate of food and sat quietly at a table by myself. I twirled spaghetti round my fork, just spinning it and watching it as it turned. I didn't eat it, feeling nauseated by the very thought, and I was lost inside the voices in my head until another tray clattered down in front of me.

"Hi," Chrissy said, and I gave her a small smile, my eyes still fixed on my food.

"Hello," I said quietly.

"You okay?" I nodded. "Good! You shouldn't be sitting alone, especially not on your first day. Do you want more people to come over?"

"Meeting too many new people makes me anxious," I muttered, and she nodded understandingly. She waved her hand at a group of people hovering nearby and they dispersed onto other tables.

"Why have you come here, Flora?" Her voice dropped, into a tone very few people had used with me before. It was a tone that made me trust her, no matter how mopey I wanted to be.

"I couldn't cope with how depressed I was. I ended my long term relationship with my boyfriend and came because it was just affecting every single thing I did."

"That's okay. Do you want things to work out with your boyfriend?" I nodded furiously.

"I love him so much," I mumbled, feeling tears pricking at my eyes. "I miss him."

"Hey, hey, don't cry. We'll organise it so he can visit you, and you can talk about everything, okay?" I nodded once again. "Everything is going to be alright." I smiled at her and took a small sip of water, and she grinned at me as if encouraging me to drink more. I took a gulp and set my cup back down on my tray.

"I'm going to go back to my room."

"Can I come with you? I don't like the idea of you being alone on your first day, plus it's meds time soon and you need to see how that works."

"Of course." We made our way back to my bedroom, and I immediately sat on the bed, pulling the duvet over my knees. "Why are you here?"

"I've been struggling with alcohol addiction for a long time, but when my niece was nearly killed in a drink driving accident I realised something had to change. I'm now two months sober, which is the longest I've been in four years."

"I'm proud of you, that's so amazing." She beamed at me and I shot her a little smile in return. She had that impact on me, just making me want to smile. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course you can."

"I'm a little bit gay."

"Me too." My eyebrows shot up, and I cocked my head like a confused puppy. Next thing I knew, Chrissy was leaning in towards me, her eyes shut and her lips slightly pouted. I admired her super straight eyeliner briefly before realising what was happening, and I gasped slightly, before mirroring what Chrissy was doing. Our lips connected, so softly it felt like nothing, and she pressed herself against me with slightly more force. She attempted to slip her tongue along my lip, and suddenly I pulled away.

"I'm sorry, but Michael- I can't- I'm sorry." I got up and fled, running through the building until I found a tranquil garden that reminded me of the one in the hospital, the one I'd spent so many hours in during my youth. I relaxed under a tree, looking at the stars, remembering stargazing with Michael in a motorway stop on the way to Perth, and I fell asleep.

*****
aloha so
mental health is a bit wooOOOooOoooo at the moment
sos my sexuality lol i love being bi (im going on a maybe date with a boy on sunday woo)

FINALLY got a gay kiss in go me

also i have AS maths starting from next wednesday so if im extra depressing you know why

song of the chapter: middle of the night by the vamps ft martin jensen