Tomorrow Never Dies

Chapter 31 - "Why did he leave?"

The four of us were sat in a circle, each with a shot glass, staring at the unopened bottle of tequila.

"Truth or dare?" Michael asked.

"Boring," Grace and I chimed immediately.

"We always play that at parties," I said. "Paranoia?"

"There's four of us," Ash said. "That won't work."

"So what?"

"Never have I ever," Michael suggested.

"Yes!" Grace reached for the tequila and poured us all a shot. "Flozza, you start."

"Never have I ever... watched porn with someone else." I didn't drink, and neither did Michael, but Ashton and Grace both took their shots. They looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Ew. Grace, your go."

"Never have I ever had a friend-turned-fuck buddy," she said straight away, and I glared at her. I downed my shot, my eyes fixed on her, ignoring Michael's shocked reaction.

"Who was it?" he asked.

"This guy when I was in first year. Doesn't matter," I said, leaning in for a kiss. He pressed his lips together, shaking his head.

"I thought I was your first time?"

"I'm sorry baby," I said, trying for another kiss. He gave in and let me kiss him quickly before pulling away.

"Ash, go." Michael said, changing the subject.

"Never have I ever been to a strip club." He and Michael both took a shot, leading to me and Grace staring at them.

"When?"

"Not recently," Michael said. "Before I met you." I glared at him anyway. "My go," he coughed awkwardly. "Never have I ever walked in on my parents going at it." He, Ash and Grace all took a shot, leaving me alone.

"Awkward," Ash grimaced.

"Poor Flora, you've never lived," Michael laughed. "Running out of the room in terror and the next awkward conversation with your parents."

"Yeah, like I always had that opportunity," I said, my jaw tight.

"Ah, it's alright," he shrugged, throwing me into a temper. I hurled my glass at the wall, hearing the satisfying shatter, and I stormed out, nowhere particular in mind. I heard Grace running after me, and I sprinted to the dance studio, knowing she would follow me there. I ran into the studio, leaping straight into a routine to get the excess energy out of my system before talking to Grace.As I finished the routine, I sat down and let her come over to me.

"That was a dick move of Michael," she said, rubbing my back. "He knows how you feel about that."

"Why did my dad leave us? He didn't leave after Toby and Matty, so why me?"

"I don't know, Flora. He's a total twat, don't worry about him."

"I do worry about him! I want to know who he is! I want to know why he left!"

"I know," she said. "I grabbed the tequila as I left and Ash told me to bring you back to him dorm, come on." She grabbed my arm and dragged me to his dorm. She marched me in, sitting me on his bed between her and Ash, opposite Calum and a beautiful girl I'd never seen before.

"Hi," I said, speaking collectively.

"This is Phoebe," Calum spoke, and she waved, smiling and giggling nervously.

"Nice to meet you," she grinned. Her and Calum went back to whatever they were doing, and Ash and Grace squeezed me in a hug. Grace poured out some tequila for everyone in the room, and I downed mine almost unthinkingly. I reached for the bottle, but Grace snatched it out of my grasp.

"You're not getting too drunk," she insisted as I tried to grab it. "Nope."

"Look, Flora, we're gonna watch a film and cuddle," Ash told me while Grace reached for his laptop. He went straight to Netflix and chose The Emperor's New Groove, much to Grace's delight. I moved so that they could cuddle, and I sat next to them. They kept making out through the film, leaving me to my own devices, but I couldn't really focus on the movie. My mind kept wandering, originally to Michael, then to my dad. I didn't even know his name, as my mum refused to tell me, and my brothers were too young when he left to remember. I could never get hold of my birth certificate, my mum saying she didn't want me knowing his name in case I went looking for him. But that just increased my interest, and I was now even more desperate than ever to find him.

But if I did find him, what would I do? Hug him? Slap him? Shout at him for treating my mum like she was worthless, for probably not knowing how well his kids were doing without him? I sighed, the unpleasant thoughts playing on my mind. I got up, ready to leave and listen to the voices, but Ash grabbed my hand. I shook my head, not even looking back at him, pulling my hand away. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him kiss Grace, stroking her hair, then he came after me. I was halfway across the grounds before he finally caught up with me.

"Flora, if you're going to do what I think you are, I'm coming with you. I can't let you do that," he said. "Please!" I didn't look back again, instead quickening my pace and running back to my dorm, him hot on my tail. I immediately locked myself in my bathroom, leaving him banging desperately on the door. "Flora Jessica Lighthawk, let me in!" I lunged for my blade, lying innocently on the side of the sink, and in doing so relieved the pressure on my side of the door, allowing Ashton to break through. He grabbed the blade from my hand and threw it out of my reach, and I let out an ugly great sob.

"I can't cope Ashton," I cried into his shoulder. "It hurts."

"I know, I know," he repeated soothingly. "But you can cope, you're so strong."

"I'm not strong," I sniffed.

"You're still here, you didn't hurt yourself."

"I almost did, and I don't want to be here."

"But you didn't." He let me continue to cry into his shoulder, rubbing my back and whispering soothing words into my ear. He was the best at calming me down, presumably because he knew what I'd been going through. Michael and Grace had both been upset, but never to the same extent as me. "Look, Flora, feel free to shoot me down, but have you considered seeing a therapist?"

"I did a few years ago but it didn't help," I told him, my voice shaking. "It was the meds that did it, then I got better and I came off them, but now I'm bad again."

"So tomorrow we're going to see your doctor and we're going to get you back on meds, and probably book another therapist."

"Therapy is shit and makes me panicky."

"We'll get you a good therapist." He held me tight, the two of us sat leaning on the bathtub, and he didn't move as I fell asleep.

*****
Everyone go and pressure Fallon2000 to update her last chap was a cliffhanger and i know what happens but i want to see how shes written it
Also welcome 5_Seconds_Of_Nash to the squad shes my little goosling and i am her mother goose since 4am one day last year

Song of the chapter: best thing i never had by beyoncé (makes me cry but helps me get over my bitch of an ex and is a jam and the mv is BEAUT)