The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

3: Who needs the truth anyways?

Bet

Our whole family likes to bet on random things but no one likes it more than my parents.

Mr. Ordinary: I told you, it was a black box with fancy gold lettering.

Mrs. Ordinary: No, it was a red box with engravings!

Mr. Ordinary: Who in their right mind has a red mailbox?

Mrs. Ordinary: The Mailers that's who!

Mr. Ordinary: You want to make a bet?

Mrs. Ordinary: Fine! What do you want to bet?

Mr. Ordinary: 20 dollars?

Mrs. Ordinary: Call. I hope you have a twenty ready. [Shouting] Kids get in the car we're going on a drive!

[Five minutes later a confused Still and I join our parents in the car.]

Still: So where exactly are we going?

Mr. Ordinary and Mrs. Ordinary at the same time: To prove that I'm right!

Me: Uh what?

Mr. Ordinary: A week ago your mother and I went to a friend's of a friend's house to visit.

Mrs. Ordinary: They had a very ornate mailbox but neither of us can agree on what it looked like exactly. So we made a bet. If their mailbox is like how I described then your father has to give me twenty dollars and if it's like how he describe it then I have to give him twenty.

Me: Okay...but why are Still and I here?

Mrs. Ordinary: To be the witnesses! Your father may not pay up when he realizes that he was dead wrong.

Mr. Ordinary: Oh please! It'll be you who has to pay when you realize that you've been wrong all along!

Mrs. Ordinary: Hmph.

Still [in a low voice]: We're going to drive all the way to these people's house just to look at their mailbox?

Me: ...

[Twenty minutes later the Ordinarys arrive in front of the Mailers' house.]

Mr. Ordinary: ...

Mrs. Ordinary: ...

Still: Are you sure you have the right house?

Mr. Ordinary: This is definitely the right address...

Me: So where's the disputed mailbox?

Mrs. Ordinary: Where did it go? Maybe they took it down?

Me: Yeah but there would still be an imprint left on the house if it was up at one point. There's no imprint there. This house never had a mailbox.

Mr. Ordinary: ...Maybe we were thinking of another house?

Mrs. Ordinary: I guess so...

Mr. Ordinary: Let's just go out for ice cream with the bet money.

Mrs. Ordinary: Good idea.

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Jeans

[After the Ordinarys return from a buffet Mrs. Ordinary disappears into her room. Shortly afterwards a blood-curling shriek is heard from her room.]

Me [bursting in]: Mom, are you okay?

Mrs. Ordinary [from within her walk-in closet]: No! My new jeans! I can't get them on. I bought them just yesterday!

Me: Maybe they shrunk in the wash?

Mrs. Ordinary [near tears]: I haven't washed them yet because I didn't know whether I would return them! I couldn't have eaten that much at the buffet, could I? I mean I had a few extra crab legs but I didn't think it'd be that bad! They don't even go up to my calves anymore!

Me: ...Are you sure you have the right pair? Wait, are they the soft acid wash ones from that new store at the mall that just had a sale?

Mrs. Ordinary: Yeah...? How did you know?

Me: Because I got the same pair except in my size. Those may be mine. I left mines hanging in the washroom.

Mrs. Ordinary [checking the tag]: ...They are in your size.

Me: Yup, as suspected, You're wearing my jeans.

Mrs. Ordinary: ...We have the same style of jeans? Now I really want to return these...

Me: ...

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Titans

There was a period of time wherein my sister and I were both devoted followers of Attack on Titans.

Me: Look! I found this funny cartoon strip with Armin. They put him next to a titan and had him putting his arm in and out of the titan's mouth. It's clever because it's "Armin" and "Armout"!

Still [looking at cartoon]: Hm, but realistically, after putting that arm in, his arm wouldn't be coming out again, right? Because it's a titan that we're dealing with. They'd just snap it off and chew on his flesh and bones.

Me [startled]: You're right...