The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

12: Is this considered being cruel or being kind?

Justice

[Still, age 12]

Obnoxious Classmate: Hey you, those shoes are knockoffs, right?

Classmate [quietly]: Uh, I'm not sure. My mom bought them for me.

Snobby Classmate: They're totally fake. The logo on them looks weird. I'd know, I have the real ones at home.

Obnoxious Classmate:  I guess your mom doesn't like you very much to buy you knock-offs.

Classmate [downcast]: ...I-I

Still [smacks desk loudly]: Haven't you two gone far enough?

Obnoxious Classmate: Stay out of this, Still.

Snobby Classmate: Yeah! This doesn't even concern you.

Still: Too late, if you didn't want me to be involved, you shouldn't have started picking on someone in my classroom.

Obnoxious Classmate: Your classroom? Good God, someone has watched one too many superhero movies and now she thinks she's some sort of ally of justice.

Snobby Classmate: Talk about lame.

Still: Lame? [Scoffing at Obnoxious Classmate] Wow, before you try diss other people why don't you brush up on your vocabulary first? While you're at it why don't you brush your teeth too since whenever you open your mouth to speak the smell is so revolting, nobody can even breathe. [Turning to Snobby classmate] And you, aren't you overdue? [Smiling] Trash is supposed to taken out on Wednesday nights. If the rest of us wanted to hang around trash we'd be at the dump.

[Both Snobby and Obnoxious are stunned speechless]

Snobby Classmate: Oh yeah? Well you're-you're stupid!

Obnoxious Classmate: Yeah!

Still [rolling eyes]: Before your dignity is crushed any further, why don't you just leave now and save your breath? On your way out don't get mixed up with the recycling because unlike you trashy bunch, the recycling still has use.

[They retreat]

Classmate [timidly]: Thanks for that.

Still: Next time, don't just sit still when idiots like that bother you. If you leave guys like that alone they just grow more bold.

Classmate: I usually just ignore them but it's just kind of hard when they mention my family members. My mom puts a lot of care into what she buys for me and I like my stuff.

Still: Isn't that fine then? They're your shoes anyways. It shouldn't matter what anyone says about them.

[In the end they got to talking more and Classmate turned into Close Friend B. He was actually a lot sillier than she had originally thought.]

When I asked her if she was worried about retaliation she answered, "Nope, no one likes those guys. They couldn't do anything even if they wanted to." In moments like these, I have to grudgingly admit that my sister is sort of cool.

Compliment

[Still, age 7]

[Mrs. Ordinary and Still are out buying some stuff last minute for a Halloween costume party they're attending]

Mrs. Ordinary: Still, at this party I'm taking you to you're going to have to be nice to the kids you meet, okay? Last week you teacher called me again because you made another classmate cry. That's the third time this month! If you don't make more of an effort to be nice to your peers and compliment them, I'm going to be revoking your TV watching rights.

Still [pouting]: It's not my fault they're all quick to cry. They probably swallowed too much water while swimming in the ocean. They're always ready to leak salt water.

Mrs. Ordinary: Still-

Still: Fine. I'll be nice.

[Still runs off on her own in the store.]

Saleswoman [gushing]: Aw, look what we have here. What a cute little bunny you are!

Still: Thank you! My mommy and I are going to a costume party.

Saleswoman: That sounds like a lot of fun!

Still: I like your costume too!

Saleswoman: ...Costume?

Still: You're supposed to be a clown right? Your bright red lipstick and blue eye paint is just right! My sister showed me a movie and you look just like a character from that movie...what was it, ah right, you look like the Joker!

Mrs. Ordinary [from a distance]: Still! Still, come over here we have to check out!

Still: Ah, my mommy is calling me. Bye bye lady! 

[Still runs over]

Mrs. Ordinary: What did you say to that saleswoman? Her expression seems a bit off.

Still [proud]: I complimented her!