The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

17: I won't ever win against you, will I?

Quiz

One day, out of boredom I made Still take a personality quiz with me.

Me [reading]: According to these results, your strong points include your loyalty towards friends, honesty and steady work ethic.

Still: Well, that's obvious. 

Me: But your weak points include being too judgmental and tendency to be defensive towards criticism.

Still [angry]: That's not true! I'm not defensive at all!  

Me:...Aren't you being defensive right now?

Still: Psh. What does this stupid automated quiz thing even know?

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Wingman

On one occasion I invited my grandfather to come with me as a guest to my university's awards banquet because I was to receive an award. Because of traffic we ended up arriving at the banquet half an hour late.

[6:30 pm, Grandpa Ordinary and I are seated after entering late.]

Grandpa Ordinary [whispering]: What are you looking at in that program?

Me: I'm trying to figure out which guest speaker the guy currently speaking is. If he's the second guy then they haven't gotten to my award category award yet, but if he's the fourth guy then we missed it. If we missed my category then I may have to pick up my award at the end.

Grandpa Ordinary: So which is he?

Me: I can't tell...

[Speaker finishes up and they announce that it's time for the dinner buffet. After we get our food, I look at the program again. Realizing that it's hopeless, I turn to the only other student at our table to ask him where we were at in the program.]

Me: Sorry to interrupt you while you're eating but would you happen to know where we are in the program?

Student [pointing to program]: Ah, the professor who spoke just now was this person.

Me: Thanks. That's good. It means I haven't missed the handing out of my award.

Student: Oh which award did you win?

Me: The XXX Writing Prize.

Student: Oh cool.

Me: Which did you win?

Student: The YYY Honours Award.

Me: Wow, that sounds impressive. How does one win that?

Student: I think you get it if your gpa is above a certain point.

Me: That really is impressive.

[Student smiles and then we both resume eating.]

Grandpa Ordinary [whispering so only I can hear]: Why don't you ask him what program he's in?

Me: Ah, okay. [turns to Student] So, what program are you in?

[Student tells me what program he's in and then asks for mine. I tell him my program and just when I'm about to let the conversation die, Grandpa Ordinary speaks up again.]

Grandpa Ordinary [whispering]: His program sounds interesting. Why don't you ask him what he plans on doing after graduation?

Me: Okay...

[I ask Student and he replies. After which the conversation moves to other topics like our university life, where we were born, our jobs outside of school and etc. Somewhere in midst of conversation, my grandpa excuses himself to go look around the banquet hall. Knowing that he's a curious person by nature, I don't question this. At the end of the banquet, Student and I part amicably and go our separate ways. In the car ride home Still texts me.]

Still [via text]: Dinner today was sad. Mom made fish stew again. I hate fish stew. 

Me [via text]: The food they gave us at the banquet was pretty blah too. Grandpa ate everything though.

Still: How was it by the way? Any cute guys?

Me: It was alright. I talked to one of the guys at our table and he was really nice.

Still: But was he cute????

Me: I'd say so.

Still: So did you get his number?????

Me: Uh no, we were having a normal conversation. It wasn't really flirting. I wouldn't do that with grandpa around.

Still: He could've been your wingman.

Me: Uh, no thanks!

Still: Your loss.

[The next day when I'm out with my friends I get another text from Still.]

Still [via text]: So I just spoke to grandpa and he started telling me about your awards banquet and you know what he said?

Me [via text]: What'd he say?

Still: That you have no game.

Me: ???

Still: He said he literally set everything up for you and even left the table and yet, you couldn't even get the guy's contact info. He said now he knows why you're still single.

Me: .........I can't

Still: So basically I was right, grandpa does make a good wingman. He just met the wrong pilot.