The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

24: Let's not go there, shall we?

Post

Me: So why is mom giving dad the cold shoulder this time?

Still: Oh, he posted a photo of them online.

Me: That's it?

Still: Yeah, but it was this photo.

[Still shows me the photo of our parents. To my surprise, it's a selfie but taken really close to the face and from a low angle. It seems to have been a windy day as well since their hair is displaced. Needless to say, it's an entirely unflattering photo of both of them.]

Still: Do you see their triple chins and squinty eyes?

Me: Yeah...I see their messy hair too...

Still: Yeah. I think they were embarrassed to take a selfie which is why they kept their arm close to their face and kind of rushed it. That's why it's also a bit blurry.

Me: And dad still posted this? For everyone to see?

Still: Uh huh. In his mind, it must've have been a really good photo because he made it his new profile picture. He also refused to take it down even when she yelled at him.

Me: ...I kind of want to stop talking to him now too.

A while later I heard my dad grumbling about how no one's talking him even though he just wanted to show off a nice photo of him and his wife. When I told my mom what I had heard, they made up. Of course, this was after my mom made my dad promise to always get her approval before posting a photo with her in it.

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Meaning

[Still, age 10; me, age 12]

Me: Ooh, you got to check out this magazine article. It's called "What does it mean when somebody gives you blank as a gift?"

Still: I don't need a magazine to tell me that. I know what gifts mean.

Me: Oh really, then let's see...what does it mean when someone gives you makeup?

Still: Your looks need improvement.

Me: What about bath sets?

Still: You smell.

Me: ....So what did it mean when you gave me a pair of discounted socks for my last birthday?

Still: That I already spent all of my allowance on stuff for me.

Me: ...

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Superpowers

[Still, age 8; me, age 10]

[At the dinner table]

Me: Hey guys, if you could have any one superpower in the world, what would you pick?

Mrs. Ordinary: I want the power to create duplicates of myself so that there would be more of me for everyone to admire!

Mr. Ordinary: ...I'd want something practical like teleportation or telekinesis.

Me: Wow, you guys picked fast...A friend from school asked me the same question earlier but I just couldn't decide! There's way too many to choose from.

Still: Well, I know what power you wouldn't need.

Me: What?

Still: The power of invisibility, because people already don't realize you exist.

Me: ...I think I'd get a power that would let me toss you around.

Still: Too bad you're just a normal unpopular human girl without superpowers.

Mr. Ordinary: Honestly, you wouldn't even need superpowers to deal with your sister. It'd be more efficient to just pay her to beat herself up.

Mrs. Ordinary: That's right. Our Still is a slave to money after all.

Still: Tch. Whatever.

Me [laughing]: So what power would you want anyways, Still?

Still: Hmph, I'm not telling you guys.

Years later I would find out from reading Still's journal that she'd want the ability to turn whatever she wanted to into gold. No doubt, Still is a slave to money through and through.