The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

9: Why don't you want me?

Shoes

Ever since Still became old enough to work legally, she's been applying for different part-time jobs to make some extra pocket money. Although she got called for interviews a lot, it took her a while before she could actually get a job.

Interviewer [over the phone]: So Miss. Ordinary, why do you want to work for us?

Still: Well, I've always loved the idea of working in retail because I like helping people shop. I also love the clothes you guys sell. I think all the articles that you have are fashionable and cute.

Interviewer: ...Miss, Ordinary, we're a shoe store.

Still: ...Are you sure?

Interviewer: Uh, yeah. We sell luxury footwear.

Still: Seriously?

Interviewer: We also sell a few winter coats when the season comes.

Still: ...Don't those count?

Interviewer: ...Sorry Miss. Ordinary, I'm afraid that the position you applied for has already been filled by another candidate. My apologies.

[At dinner that day our family asks Still how her first phone interview went. When we hear of her blunder, we spend a good five minutes laughing.]

Me [wiping a tear from my eye from laughing too hard]: Why didn't you look up the store's history and stuff before the interview online?

Still: I did...I just got the stores mixed up because I applied for so many places simultaneously.

Mr. Ordinary: I guess we can say that you weren't a good fit for their store and if the shoes don't fit, you can't wear it right? [Laughing to himself]

Me: ...

Mrs. Ordinary: ...That may be the worst joke yet.

Still [smiling]: That actually cheered me up, dad. Thanks! I mean if even someone like dad can be employed, then there's hope for me yet!

Mr. Ordinary: ...

In any almost ironic twist of fate, a year after this incident, I was hired at a shoe store not knowing it was the one Still failed to get in. Still resented me for this and refused to visit me at work until I bought her some shoes with my employee discount. When I offered to refer her, she refused since she was too embarrassed to reapply.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Friends

Mrs. Ordinary [showing off her friends tab on social media]: Look! I have so many friends added!

Me: Wow, mom. 300 friends already? That's impressive.

Still: Are they all people you know though? Or are there a lot of strangers?

Mrs. Ordinary: Of course they're all people I know! Why would I add random people and why would they add me?

Still: It's the internet. That's what people do.

Me [scrolling through her friends]: You know a 50 year old electrician in a rock band?

Mrs. Ordinary: No...

Me: You added him as a friend though. [Holds up phone] See, look.

Mrs. Ordinary: He had the same name as someone I knew...

Me: Should I remove him as a friend?

Mrs. Ordinary: Please do.

Me: How about this woman? Do you know here? [Pulls up the woman's profile picture]

Mrs. Ordinary: I don't think I've seen her in my lifetime...

Still: Well, someone you know could've just got a crap ton of plastic surgery.

Mrs. Ordinary: Remove her please.

[Twenty minutes after reviewing Mrs. Ordinary's friends list]

Still: You weren't actually acquainted with like 60% of these people...

Mrs. Ordinary: The internet is scary...

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー   

Hug

After failing a bunch of job interviews, my mom decided to get Still an elephant bracelet and an elephant stuffed animal for luck to raise her chances of getting hired.

[At the interview]

Manager: Seeing that you're quite young Miss. Ordinary, are your parents supportive of you working alongside school?

Still: Oh, yeah. They want me to work part-time because they know that's what I want. [Showing him the bracelet on her arm] My mom gave me this bracelet for good luck and told me to hug an elephant.

Manager [quizzical]: ...She told you to hug an elephant?

[Still nods not understanding that the manager misunderstood her words. Finally after asking her a few more questions the interview is over.]

Manager: Well, congratulations Miss. Ordinary, you got the job!

Still [ecstatic]: Really?! Thank you so much!

Manager: Remember to visit the zoo after and give that elephant your thanks!

Still [slightly confused]: Sure? I can do that!

[Still goes home and tell her family she got the job.]

Mrs. Ordinary: I didn't doubt it for a second! The elephants were with you after all!

After this, to my dismay, Still jumped on the elephant bandwagon.