One Too Many Thoughts

Chapter Twelve: Angel

Tyler didn't know what to do. He stayed there, feeling like an idiot, until Josh pulled back. Then the real idiocity started.

"Oh," Tyler could have said any other words and that would have been better then this.

"I-I'm sorry," Josh pushed away, his regret taking over and pushing aside his homosexually. "I'm-ugh..."

"No I-It's fine, I just," Tyler frowned. "I don't know...if...."

"You're homosexual?" Josh muttered, clearly upset. "I shouldn't have done that." He jumbled under his breath.

Tyler cocked his head. "Josh it's fine. It just took me...by surprise."

Josh shook his head, and turned to the sunset. "That doesn't make me less of an idiot."

Tyler looked at Josh. He felt concerned for Josh. He needed to help him, make sure he was okay, and make sure he knew that it was okay to be himself.

"I just messed up our whole friendship." Josh stuttered, thoughtfully. "Our entire friendship. It can't ever be the same."

"Wha-no!" Tyler argued. "Maybe I...we..."

"I think...it's better if we..." Josh finally looked at Tyler, his eyes red and wet. "I don't think we should be friends. My life...it's too crazy for a guy like..."

"Me?" Tyler squeaked, his heart being slapped. "A guy like me. Huh. Wouldn't wanna be around that guy either."

"No, you..." Josh looked down again. "This is so hard to explain."

Tyler was about to speak up, but something told him he should wait.

"Tyler, I believe, I think you're special. Really special. Like you'll do great things. Without me." Josh explained. "You're an amazing singer who can help so many people. I wish I could be like you. But I can't. I'm a failure. All I wanna do is play music but my parents want me to be athletic. I can't do what I want to do, and that's why...I can't be special. I'm just a puppet. But you, even James said it, are special. So please, go find what that is, without me, and forget about me. I'm just a weight holding you back. I don't wanna mess that up for you. I don't wanna screw up your purpose."

Tyler's eyes widened. Josh took a shaky breath and stared at the ground again. His eyes shot bullets into a hole in the ground.

"No, Josh." Tyler sat on the edge on the treehouse beside Josh. "You are not a weight. I want to help, and just like you said, I wouldn't be here if I didn't wanna help. You can't just kick me out like that."

"You said it yourself," Josh sighed. "It would be better, for both of us, if we weren't friends."

Tyler shut his eyes, regretting ever meeting Josh, ever getting mad at him, ever not listening, and ever attempting suicide.

"I know we said we'd always be there for each other. But...that's like weights. They're always there for you, but you don't always use them because there are better things." Josh stood up, Tyler following.

"Josh, no," Tyler didn't care anymore. His tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't live...without you."

Josh shook his head. "Then find a way."

He suddenly ran past Tyler, creaking the whole treehouse. Josh swung down from the roof, quicker than Tyler ever could. He stared at his best friend run through the trees.

You're just going to let him get away?

"JOSH!" Tyler screamed, his voice cracking. He fell to his knees and glanced at the sunset, swirling around in beautiful colours of hope, happiness and love. All of those of which he did not have.