her {#wattys2016}

-epilogue- part 1

authors note

i decided to add a little something for you guys because i missed writing and also because i wasn't satisfied with the ending so i hope everyone likes it

<33  belen

------

you p.o.v.

it's been almost a year since i last saw her when she left the hospital. i heard that she was sent to a rehabilitation center for eating disorders a few hours away from here.

no matter how hard i try to move on, she is always on my mind.

i keep wondering how she's doing and if she's happy. every time i try to sleep, all i can hear is her laughter playing over and over again. i hope she is still able to laugh after everything that has happened because i remember how little i heard it when she got sad for long periods at a time.

and it was usually because of me that she was sad. it's that guilt that keeps me awake every night.

my mom told me to go to the store to buy more milk and i decided to get her some ice cream as well because i could tell she was having a bad day.

i walked into the small supermarket that was only a few blocks away from my house. i got the milk and was on my way to the freezer when i saw a girl that looked like her from the back. she was faced away from me and was looking at a pint of mint n chip ice cream.

that was was always her favorite.

i laughed at myself for thinking such stupid thoughts because it couldn't possibly be her.

i walked closer towards her because i still needed to buy my mom chocolate ice cream because i know she loves it.

then i saw the girls' face and i completely froze there with my mouth hung open.

it was her

i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me until she looked up at me and her eyes widened and she dropped her ice cream on the floor.

she opened her mouth as if she was going to say something but no words came out.

i bent down to help pick up her ice cream and so did she at the same time.

"um- th-thank you" she mumbled as i handed it to her.

she stood there awkwardly and looked down at the floor because it seems like she didn't know what to say.

"im sorr-" her eyes teared up as i pulled her into my arms. she looked a lot healthier than the last time i saw her and somehow managed to look even more perfect.

"you shouldn't be the one apologizing. i should be." i gave a guilty smile, "i treated you like crap and i deserved it. but i just wish you would've told me why you left instead of me trying to figure it out. it drove me crazy."

"that was the point." she gave a little laugh, "i had to teach you a lesson and also to help myself by ending everything, im sorry."

"i missed you so much you have no idea." i felt my throat starting to burn from the tears building up, "i thought i was never going to talk to you again."

"yeah i thought so too." she said as she looked everywhere but my eyes. "my neighbor is letting me stay there for a few days because im going to visit my mom tomorrow morning during when the jail's visiting hours start."

"i love you." i said with a shaky voice.

she flinched and tightly closed her eyes, "no you don't. don't say that."

"yes i do and even if you don't love me back that still doesn't change the fact that i do." i said as i looked into her eyes, trying to read her.

"you-you can't." she stuttered.

"what are you talking about?"  i asked.

"because you hate me." she said softly with watery eyes.

it felt as if she just punched my heart. i could never hate her.

did she not understand that i couldn't control myself?

right when i was about to open my mouth a guy walked up to her and put his arm around her. He was good looking, blonde, and was wearing expensive clothes.

i looked back down at myself and saw my black old t shirt with the same jeans i always wore since my mom couldn't get me new clothes very often.

"hello." he gave an obvious fake smile as he looked me up and down.

"um hi." i awkwardly said because i was caught off guard.

"baby you shouldn't talk to strangers in a supermarket. It's dangerous." he wrapped her in a hug as he glared at me.

"actually he's not a-"
she was cut off by him, "what is this?"  He gasped as he grabbed the ice cream she was holding, "do you know how unhealthy this stuff is? you didn't need that."

"oh im sorry." she said as he put it back in the freezer.

"lets go." he smiled at her and ignored my presence.

she looked back at me but before she could say goodbye he pulled her away and towards the exit.

i was so angry all i wanted to do was scream.

she deserved so much better but then i realized that i was no better and treated her probably worse.

i knocked over a shelf of cookies in my rage.

a worker saw and walked over to me, "come on man, what the hell." he groaned as he bent down to pick them up.

"sorry." i quickly said as i walked away, my face a slight shade of red.