Since you left

A Touch of Sadness

She cries in her room hysterically.

Alone.

Reaching out. Trying to find the little strength she has.

Where did it go? Why did it leave?

She continues to cry, except her silent cries become more intense. Where she lets out big breaths. She is pushing every ounce of air out of her.

Her silent cries.

No one hears, no one knows, they go on as she cries.

Her knees pulled into her chest as she lays in bed. Letting her pillow become drenched in tears. She can no longer pull herself together. She begins to stuff her face in her pillows to let out just the smallest sound because crying in silence is no longer helping.

"Where did things go wrong?"

She begins to ask herself. She has cried so much that her head begins to pound from the lack of oxygen. Her eyes swollen as if she's had an allergic reaction. The top of her lips, bright red, swollen. Her bottom lip, quivering, as she tries to get a hold of herself. She finally sits up to try and breathe.

To try and stop.

Instead, she cries more as her heart falls to her stomach. The weight of her heart is no longer easy to carry. Shes placed so much on her plate it cracks. She can no longer piece things together.

She's lost.

She has let go of herself. In her river of tears, she sees herself drowning in it. Slowly getting closer to the end.

A waterfall of tears.

Has she really cried that much?

Yeah, she has.

The girl who smiles at everyone else and tells them she's okay is no longer okay.

The girl who listens to you as if she doesn't have any problems of her own.

Is now facing her own problems.

By herself.

In this very room. Dark, cold, lonely room.

She is facing her problems and now she's facing others. She thought by helping others she'd find solutions to hers.

Instead, she has put more on her plate.

Why did you do that?
Why offer help if you can't seem to get it together?

Oh.
Right.
Your heart is too big to just ignore others pain.
You place their pain above yours.
You make yours little compared to theirs.

Why?

Stop thinking with your heart. Think with your head. Reach. Reach as far as you can and grab something.

She refuses though.

She once placed her hands in the air, trying to reach out for something.

Someone touched her.

But moments later, let her go.

So she no longer wanted to reach out. So this? What she's doing right now. This is her normal. At the end of each day.

Cry in silence.

Cry the air out of her body.

She cries her heart out. Each time she cries, she dies just a little more. She becomes numb to her feelings.

Making each day easier to fake her smile and say those classic words, "I'm okay."

They no longer run off her tongue the same. Before it used to get stuck in her throat.

Now, they just flow out her mouth like water. She is no longer feeling.

She is numb.

She is no longer there, like you'd want her to be.