Since you left

Memories

I hate those late nights where I can't sleep because images begin to rise.

I hate those days where I do nothing because my body remembers what happened on that day years ago.

I hate those moments when you just get so lost in thoughts, you don't even realize you're crying.

Memories.

They're always there. When you're walking down a familiar road, when you come across certain foods, even certain smells. Imagines flood your mind. Even if you don't want them to, faint or brief, they'll appear.

I wish I had the ability to erase certain memories. The ones that make me cry, or make me mad. The ones that make me feel lost and confused.

I wish I could remove every bad memory I've had. Only to keep the good ones.

But,
The thing about doing that is,
I wouldn't be me.

If I only keep the good memories, I'd only hold onto people I shouldn't hold onto.
I wouldn't protect those who might need my protection because in my eyes, I'd only see the good.

If I only keep my good memories, I'd make the same mistakes over and over again. I'll continue to trip on the same problem I've defeated years ago.

Keeping the good would only cause me to hold people back. Instead of letting them move forward. Where we should all be.

So when I rethink about my memories that haunt me, I also think how glad they're just memories now. Faint images I've created.

Memories that I'm proud of, good or bad.

I've learned from them and grew. Even if they still bring small pain, I think what counts is that the pain is less than when you first created the memory.

It isn't a bad thing to think back on them, but it also isn't a good thing to be stuck on some.

These images will always be with you, for you to cherish and enjoy. Though you may not like some, just know that they are what made you, you.