If I Fell

~40~

A/N: warning xxxx

"You thought I was having fun?!" I whispered incredulously, did he really think I was enjoying the snaking arms and tongue lashing.

"mmmmmm with Mick, it all seemed ..... cosy" His voice no higher than mine as if we didn't want to alert the darkness to our presence.

"Is that why you gave up and walked away!?! Because all I felt was fear and hurt and vilified. I never asked or encouraged him, he just took and you think I liked it?!"

"I just supposed you were a Mick fan and was happy with the attention"

"No I was a Rolling Stones music fan that was groped by Mick and abandoned by my friend" I couldn't stop the tears and he caught my hair, brushing his fingers through it softly murmuring 'it's ok' quietly.

It was so quiet. The night, cloaked us alone in the car, no one leaves the clubs til much later, no car moved, no person flickered past, no one but we two.

"No it's not" I took his hand away from my hair and keep it in my lap.

I had no idea of consequences, no forethought for my actions just had my ball of anguish he would think I didn't like him like that, that I would just fall in to Mick Jagger, I needed him to know I wasn't Mick's.

I moved his hand so no mistakes were made. I pressed on. After silent minutes passed, I moved his hand closer, higher, the mini skirt hitched but no slip of panties seen. I slipped my fingers through his and opened my legs. He was still sat rigid like a lump of wood and I growled, annoyed at my own invitation and his blatant lack of response. "I need you John, not anyone else, you"

As I swirled my fingers over his knuckles I just talked, about how I felt. How my life was a mass of contradictions. His cigarette took forever to end, it felt like he just blanked me. I wasn't even sure if he was listening, or ignoring me. Thinking me a liar for the display with Jagger.

"I feel like a tiger in a cage with the door open" I sighed and all he did was flick the butt out of the window and rolled it back up again.

Not seeing his face was hard, no gauge to the words, no way to read his eyes.

"Oh I want to go out and explore, have a taste of freedom but as soon as I set a foot outside, I hightail it back scared of that freedom Scared of wanting something so bad yet not understanding any of it either"

Nothing, not a word, grumble or even a grouch that I was an idiot teenager or that I should grow up. I kept up the dialogue. I want to close the deal, make him react. I chose to revert back to our conversation a day ago.

"When I read that book. That smutty filthy book" I open my legs a little wider, sending him my message of want "When I read that book- I wanted you. Craved for your touch. I—"

Fingers are moving and he groans as he touches my thin lace panties, the skirt hitches higher, haphazardly to my hips as I wiggle into his touch, a moan escapes and I feel his fingers stroking, my cold becoming an inferno so low in my stomach.

Twirling flames edge up my body, the touch is still barely there but my body has given away my immediate reactions so clearly, an open book of emotions laid bare. He works magic and I beg him not to stop then my body begs more, so many swirling sensations I feel for the first time.

Sweet caresses and sensitive touch, he slowly brings his face closer to mine now as if he wants me to moan just for him, he makes me shiver and tingle and arch to gather me up to my point of no return. I can't breathe as his fingers do what I have never felt before what I want to feel again as soon as he is finished, gasping breath I accept a total undeniable rush of intense pleasure he has brought me to.