If I Fell

Wants and Wishes

Stella and Hailey meekly entered the room, swiftly glancing around for evidence of our activities but only finding Paul and I innocently sipping juice at the small breakfast table, sharing the paper and talking about Australian native animals.

"Juice girls?" I offered the carton to Stella as I reached for the toast Paul had lavished in marmalade for himself, biting it before he could rescue it from my clutches. I grinned around the crunchy sweet stolen goodness and he shrugged and happily gave up, re buttering another slice for himself.

"Have a good night?" Hailey gazed over her juice watching me like a hawk. I tried and tried but I blushed under her scrutiny.

"Damn mum, I bet Stella you would hold out"

"How much?"

"$10" Hailey pouted as Stella stuck her hand under Hailey's nose.

I was going to stay silent but surprised the lot of them "Pay up!"

Stella spit out her juice and I offered her a napkin. She coughed out a laugh.

"Your daughter said, 'Even though you had played up in the 60's you definitely wouldn't now' and 'you weren't up for it' "Stella stuck her fingers up quotation marking the sentence.

I shrugged "What can I say your father is verrryyy persuasive when he wants something" I was hoping to shut Stella down before I turned beetroot red but my words had Paul jumping to his own defence.

"I do not concur. I specifically recall you, Abigail, proffering your hand and everything else last night" Paul won, I giggled and was beetroot red for the rest of the breakfast, and I loved it.

Covering their ears as they left to change for the day, no more was questioned, they daren't ask. They had, had enough of our tom foolery. I stood up and sat on Pauls lap as he did the crossword, arms around his shoulders he had to crane over my shoulder to see the page.

"Abbs?"

"Yes, Paul" I spoke softly stroking his back gently.

"Just think about it ok, but I want you to come back to the UK with me" I stiffened and he felt my nervousness "A holiday nothing heavy, a nice time. I am already booked to come back to George's island in two months, we could go there, you can see George maybe even get Rings to join us and then you can come back here"

I hugged him tightly never letting him see the myriad of emotions running a gauntlet across my face. Hailey. I couldn't just up and leave Hailey. I just imagined that this, right now, was going to be our final goodbye.

"She's a big girl. She'll be fine"

"How did you know?" I whispered in his ear as he twirled my hair in his fingers, pulling it gently as I spoke.

"I know she is all you have. Trust me Abigail"

"I need to look out for her" Tightening my grip as if I was holding her but I didn't want to be pushing him away either. I thought of her and her alone "She needs me"

"And what do you want, really want, desire even" Now he was just playing dirty, my desires were plainly building right there on his damn lap as he cupped my bottom. Suddenly shifting me from a passive sit to straddle, dirty play McCartney, dirty play.

"I want you right now but the girls are next door" I groaned in his ear, the effects of his arousal turning me to mush. He stood and carried me to the door, locked it and returned to the seat. "Did you just carry me over there and back!"

"I work out. Want me to show you?" The dirtiness of the innocent words washed over me.

I smiled 'yes'.

"You didn't answer"

"Oh Lord, should I offer up another distraction" I smiled as I left him on the couch, returning with a glass of water.

"Soon. But now –" Paul grinned with want then settled back, wanting his request answered from me first.

Returning to the UK.

With Paul.

"Please not now, let me think about it, Paul. It's been so quick and we don't really know each other anymore, we are like a museum full of old memories" I watched his hand flex as he pretended to read the paper.

I started to escape to the bathroom but he stopped me.

"I want to make new ones, Abigail......." Paul never turned from his chair and I never spoke, this was big and I just needed time.

I was closed off in the bathroom now, sliding down the door gathering my knees to my chest and hugging, time I need time to process all this.