If I Fell

~34~

A nurse calls only three times a week as I have been able to attend to Jim's daily requirement of exercises myself. Which, at first, I was rather worried about, til the doctor called round and stood watching then commended me on my attention to his patient.

Jim slept long hours after our exercises so I would garden, tending the roses and the vegetable plot at the back of the yard, I lay under the oak tree watching the way the leaves flutter on the breeze, revelling in the innocence.

I also think about Paul, John, myself, no closer to resolve, yet no further away. 

Nothing said, yet nothing unsaid. Paul and I click that's a certain, I feel his pain, his compassion, his love, yet I don't even understand love.

I don't long for his touch or moon for his voice, yet I want for his smile and yearn to hear his laughter.

Me: 'ello potty mouthed Grant speaking

John laughed happily: What!?!

Me: I don't know! just wanted to make someone laugh in America!

John: How's it going beautiful?

Me: Cor blimey your darling voice down the line saying that, I'm blushing

John: Well truth is always pretty awesome

Me: Hmmmm, I miss you lot of rascals.

John: Even me!?

Me: Even you

John: Pauls in the shower

Me: He's very clean

John: Aye he is very clean

Me: This nonsense calling must cost a bomb and 'ere we are taking up the line with silliness, Lennon

John: Very naughty but I rather call and laugh than sit in boredom drinking

Me: Yes, don't need you bored in another country

John: Hey! What's that supposed to mean, should I feel insulted?

Me: It means you're a right rascal up to no good when you're left to your own devices

John: Miss you

Me: Yes umm is Paul out yet, he's got to be clean by now

John: Nah he's as dirty as his sister that one

Me: blah, I'm an innocent

John: I know. One day though

Me: Meaning?

John: Meaning you will succumb to my charms, Abigail

Me: If your charm is to cook me dinner, sure

John: Right yea. Anyway, perpetually pouting Paulie is practically prancing pronto to the phone. Owww! Dont nip you blighter!!  Bye, bye, Abbs

Paul: Abigail how are you all

Me (giggling): perfectly pleasant pleased to pronounce

Paul: Lay off

Me: Da's fine. House is fine. Gardens fine. Weathers f-

Paul: Fine. How is Abigail really

Me: Oh you know- fine

I twirl the cord up and along my arm and back again while on the call watching the red mark crease and fade my skin. The line crackles and a few hisses pop my ears intermittently.