If I Fell

Always There

Paul had an interview at 10am through to noon, the girls and I decided on morning tea from the nearby coffee shop and wandered to the park, sitting feeding the ducks that had set up camp near the bench, Stella lazed beside us on the lush green grass leaning back on her elbows, sunglasses slid down her nose.

I felt sad and happy and also deeply confused to what to do, what was right.

I was done wasn't I, this was Hailey and Stella's time to shine.

"Mum..."

I've had my shot.

"Mum"

"Mum!"

"What Hailey?"

"You should go"

"What are you talking about....... I'm not leaving you"

"Stella invited me to live with her in Paris for a bit, accept that French offer"

*

1964 Paris, France ... 10.30pm

"Abigail" John grinned thoughtfully as we strolled along. Holding my hand, our first time alone in days, his first actual attempt to give ME time.

"Yes Johnny?"

"I love you, you know that right"

"Of course. I love you too" I kissed his cheek and we swung our hands as we walked the footpath hugging the Seine.

"Let's do the love lock thing on that bridge. I'll pick it up tomorrow on the way to the show. We'll I'll get Mal to run into the store, but yeah.." John lifted me high and I felt lucky. Lucky I was here, lucky he was mine, lucky that we had this moment. I should tell him so.

"I'm the luckiest girl in the world"

"You're too much. That smile, your eyes twinkling. I don't think I could do without you" John the hard man was mush, and mine.

"Marry me"

"No"

"Why"

"Because you need life not cages"

"I'll be in your cage, darling"

"I couldn't keep you in a cage, you're too much Lennon for my cage"

"That's just dumb" John pulled me to a halt "Abbs it'll be great. We'll get a house, have a kid"

"Caged. I won't be able to see you if we have a kid. You'll be off god knows where and I'll be stuck, Ill be the one caged then" I touched his chin, his cheek "You crave life and I can't hold you back, I won't. Not yet John"

"So that's it. Ends here"

"No course not. We're having fun, no pressure. I can see the cage and I won't do that to either of us- yet!"

"Promise you'll think about it" John hugged me to him and I felt love and relief, his relief.

"Course. I love you, I want it all but I'm not going to marry you and have it all fall apart either" We kissed, sweet, tender, promises of tomorrows.

"Thank-you for saying no" John grinned madly "I just thought, you know, Paris, romance all that shite, that I should do it for you"

"You're a loon Lennon, but you're my loon"

*

"I need to go" I shook my head waking from my thoughts of John in Paris, I need to tell Paul everything.