New Girl - The Creatures

Chapter 17

"A fucking date?! Are you kidding me? What kind of fucking bullshit is this?!" I screamed, running my hands through my hair as James drove. We all had gotten back to the house and Seamus said he was close to the house about 5 minutes after we got home. I couldn't handle seeing him right then, so I pulled James aside and asked him if we could drive somewhere, so, that's how we ended up in a car with me screaming my head off.

"Fuck you! I hope the fucking date was awful and that you hated her and that you fucking wish you didn't push me away!" I yelled, balling up my fists and feeling how dry my throat was already getting. James was angry too, but he had a quiet rage since he didn't want to swerve out of anger.

I had no tears creeping up on me, only pure anger and betrayal, and a feeling of unworthiness. "Am I not fucking good enough for some guy? Am I that bad?" I seethed, asking myself the question more so than I was asking James.

"Sam, please don't kid yourself. I had no idea he was talking to another girl, I'm so sorry if I led you astray or some shit," James told me, rubbing his nose with one hand on the wheel. I looked out the window as he said this, staring at the street lights as they whizzed past us. "Please don't apologize, James, you didn't do anything wrong," I told him, trying to calm down. "Where are we going?"

He shifted in his seat and rolled down the window, probably to feel the cold air as we sped towards Denver. It was a 20-minute drive or so, and we'd been on the road for about 15. I could see the towering skyscrapers and the dazzling glow of empty neon and fluorescent.

"I was thinking about going to the top of a parking garage or something, we're less likely to cause a public disturbance if you're yelling up there," he said, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly into a smile. "Oh. That's good, thanks. I'm sorry for asking you to do this, it's not your problem."

James shook his head. "Sam, you're my friend. I'd do anything to help out." I smiled an extremely small smile as I gazed out the window, watching the cars stream back and forth on the highway below us. I thought about how Seamus was probably on one of those roads earlier, maybe with that stupid girl in his stupid car giving her that stupid crooked smile of his. I felt a surge of anger again but decided to quell it for James' sake.

We pulled up to some nondescript parking garage, paid for entry, and went up to the top level. By some stroke of luck, we were one of 3 cars up there, the other 2 being closely packed together on one side. We drove to the other side and pulled into the spot in reverse. James popped open the trunk, laid down the seats in the middle, and we sat inside, staring out at the city sprawled beneath us.

"Thank you for doing this James, it means a lot," I told him, stretching slightly. "Don't mention it," he said gruffly, probably not wanting to make it seem like I owe him or something. It was really pretty out here, and somehow seeing the chaos of the streets and buildings calmed me down.

"I can't fucking believe he did that. He never straight up said he wasn't ready for a relationship, he just meant one with me," I said quietly. "Is it something about me? Am I boring but also too straightforward? Was I just some little fucking toy for him while he was hitting up this chick? I don't really get it..." I felt a slight twinge of sadness again at the thought of not being good enough for somebody. I laid back in the car as James still sat on the edge of the trunk, still and quiet.

"It's not at all you. I don't really get Seamus' reasoning. It's not like if you guys went on a date and it fizzled out that you couldn't still be friends, you aren't fucking 12. You're a great person and friend and I hope Seamus realizes that one day," James consoled me, still staring out at the roads. James' words reassured me that I wasn't the problem, but I still felt bad. "Do you think I'm overreacting?" I asked him, still in a quiet voice.

He sat up and looked at me, a smile on his face but his eyes read disbelief. "Nope, I think you have every right to feel upset and angry. It's fucking bullshit, you had feelings for him straight away and he led you on and it fucking stung when you found out that he went on a date tonight," he said, folding his hands together as he rested his elbows on his knees.

"I don't know what to do when I see him again," I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "I don't know if I want to be cool about it and act like I don't give a fuck or if I want to get mad at him so he knows that I know." We were quiet for a few minutes, but it wasn't the awkward kind of quiet. James spoke after a little bit. "I feel like you shouldn't get mad at him. Make him feel like he doesn't deserve your time or anything, act like you don't care or anything," he said, looking at me.

I sat up and nodded. shivering slightly from the wind chill now sweeping through the open car. "You cold?" James asked, surprised that I was shaking when I had on a jacket and he had on a t-shirt. "Yeah, do you maybe wanna head back to the house? I don't want it to be super late when we get back," I said while holding my arms to my chest.

"Sure, I'm getting kind of tired anyway," he said, stifling a yawn. We fixed the seats, closed the trunk, and hopped back into the car. James turned on the heat for me as we drove back to Littleton, leaving the bright lights trailing behind us. The neon faded and the warm glow of the streetlights was the only constant of artificial light, the occasional car whizzing past us. Apart from that, the moon was extremely bright that night, casting a faint silvery glow onto the trees flanking the road.

James turned on the radio and changed it to some David Bowie song, the only substantial music on any of the channels. We sped through the dark, and I tried not to think about how things will be at home.