This Means Forever

Chp 15

Zay

Yall I'm struggling. I really am. I miss Leila too much. Like I love that girl so much it hurts. I'm not eating, because nothing I cook taste like her meals. Tyler tries to cook for me, but her ass never did know her way around the kitchen. My house is a damn mess. There are clothes everywhere. I don't even wash my clothes. Tyler sneaks into my room and cleans it, but I just fuck it up.

I walked down into the living room and Tyler was sitting on the couch. "Hey Xavier can we talk."

I ignored her and kept walking towards the kitchen. "Xavier please can you just talk to me!"

"Talk about what Tyler. Did you wanna talk when you miscarried and then you disappeared? Nah you didn't so what could we possibly have to talk about now!"

She wiped her tears, "I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry I disappeared on you, but I didn't know how to cope with the death of a baby. I loved you please believe me I did, but I didn't know which way was up after that."

"You saying all this to say what Tyler?"

"I'm saying this to say I'm sorry. I'm saying this to say I love you still. I will always love you because of how you cared for me Zay. But you have to forgive me."

Forgive her? She must be out of her mind. She was the first girl I loved, and the first girl to break my heart. "Forgive you for what Tyler? The only reason I let you stay is because I couldn't let your death be on my conscience."

She stepped towards me, "Forgive me because the hurt I caused you is now being pushed onto Leila and those handsome boys. You know how to love way better than what you are doing. All this material shit you buying her can not replace your love. You gotta show her."

"Who are you to give me advice on how to love." Like tf! Tyler should be the last one giving advice.

"I know because you did the same shit to me. When the baby died you bought me everything under the sun, but I didn't need any of it. You bought me diamonds, and clothes, and cars and shit, but I neeeded your affection. I needed you to hold me Xavier. I needed you to tell me everything was going to be okay!"

With that she fell out crying. I didn't know what to do. "You think I wanted this life I'm living. I didn't want to do drugs Xavier but it happened like that. I played the cards I was dealt wrong." She continued to cry. I didn't know what else to do, so I just walked up to her and held her. That was all I knew to do.

I smoothed her hair down with my hair and kissed her forehead, "I'm so sorry Tyler. I am so sorry."

She picked up her head and wiped her face, "That girl loves you. She ruined her body with your twin boys, and I can tell her body bad than a motherfucker. Don't ruin what you have with your insecurities. Be her husband. Leave this drug shit alone. You smarter than that. Hell you could go audition for the Miami Heat and be starting with LeBron. Don't ruin our life with this shit."

I nodded my head okay. With that I walked out the house and jumped in my car and headed to the trap.

.............

I walked into the meeting room and sat down next to Messiah. He looked way worse than me. His hair was growing out. He was edged up but he was rocking this mini-curly afro. He had on some basketball shorts and a wife beater, with his nike slides. He was in his chair starring at the wall in front of him.

"Wassup bro." I reached out to dab him up.

He turned to me and gave me a head nod. The door opened and the room quickly filled with men ready to kill. Some of them were our men and others were Antonio's.