The girl they will never have

30.

There were no more messages so I went through his account. I checked his 'About me' section. It said
Windsor.
Sophomore.
Traveller,fan of soccer,.........

But something that caught my attention was-
sophomore.

He did say that he was a senior. And I don't think someone can just write something that they aren't. So,he is a sophomore.? And he did lie to me.

We didn't talk much but he never mentioned the account information he gave me. Was it all just fake? Like developing kind of trust with the girl and leaving her thinking of how much he was totally into her. Am I being a number to his list?

Oh no,I wouldn't just be a number in someone's list. I didn't just shoo away Usan just to be a nobody in someone's else life.

That bastard.

So??

So??
So you are a sophomore. Congratulations,I didn't knew you would be flung back two grades below in just two weeks.

Take that.

Typing. Typing. Typing. Typing.

Looks like someone has got too much explanation to do.

I'm sorry. Like really sorry. I didn't wanted to say that. And I didn't think you would be in senior high. I thought that if I said that I was a sophomore,it would be all so awkward. I don't want to lose a chance,although I'm not sure if I even have one. But I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. Otherwise why would I say that??

All you had to do was say it,no matter what. Just be honest. Other things don't matter.

I just prayed that he would not ask me if he had a chance because I'm myself unsure. I don't want to go there. Not now,and I pray never.

That one promise that I made to myself...

I know all that is not for me. But again,it was all my mistake of starting it. I shouldn't have messaged him but somewhere within me,I want to. Just this one thing. No matter what happens. One try. But yet another one person who could just walk on me. Yes,but you also know that everyone doesn't turn out to be the same. I want you to remember that this time,you wouldn't let anyone to do that to you. Be the person you have always been-heartless. That's what suits you. If Zaid is meant to be a part of your life,he would break all those boundaries. He would unravel the girl behind the mask. But only if he is meant to be. Or else,you have to just let it go.

It's fine.

Thank you. I promise I wouldn't repeat anything as such.

K.

I gotta go. But I will message you back. Alright. Bye.

Bye.

What the heck did I just do? I don't care. And I'm now too sleepy to even think about that.

And with that,I dozed off to sleep with a smaaaaal smile etched on my face.

Next day was me listening to all the questions of Em and Mila and giving them the details. They listened calmly and expressed their doubts because of his lie. But at the end,they were more like,.

'let him do anything and he wouldn't see the sun rise the next day.'

I finally started to study for about some hours until mom shouted for lunch. Relieved ,I went down to fill my empty stomach.

"Xanna,enough studying for today. After lunch,just sit here and watch t.v. I don't want one of my child to go blind and mad. So please stop worrying. I know you will do great."

Oh mamma. I have started just now. I wonder what mom would say if she saw other students studying from my class. They all looked like they are giving exams for NASA. I'm not even one fourth to their level of preparation. But again,I really don't care. I will never study two days before exams,no matter what. It will always be the last moment for me when I actually give my best.

Yeah,there's where I get my procrastination and laziness from.

I watched 'the notebook' for the first time. I had heard so much about it but never cared to see it. With nothing else good,I somehow watched it and I didn't cry. What most people do when they watch it! Every girl back at school speaks about it and how she watched it with her boyfriend and how she cried and how he comforted her. And the make out session that followed because of the effect of movie. Duh.

I feel more proud of myself now that I'm not a hormonal teenager.

I am but not a horny hormonal teenager. Ehhhh.

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