The girl they will never have

36.

I didn't care about that stranger's presence. Me and Yeon went our separate ways and met Euna at the parking lot. Well,you cannot expect Euna to wear a dress and get dolled up even if it's her first date. And to be frank,I liked the way Euna and Yeon were. Being in their own comfort zones and not changing for each other. Because it's that old self of yours that a person falls in love with.

I convinced them that I will walk home and I wanted to walk because it's been days that I had walked home. I have always loved Walking. It gives me joy. And I don't mean a small walk to a park or something. No,I walked usually about two kilometers even though I could take the bus. It's the only exercise that I do and love. It makes me happy to walk the streets and observe people around me.

I made my way to the bus stop. My mind was occupied by thoughts about everything. It is this moment when I think about everything good. I cannot help myself from not smiling after thinking about everything-from Maia to Ayaan, Eymar's teasing and our good old times. This is what makes the distance look smaller even though my legs are ready to break from the knee joints. Well,because I'm too impatient and I speed walk like really fast.

I reached home after twenty minutes and heard voices of Zii and mom. The door was unlocked and I entered without making much noise. Before entering the living room where both sat talking,I stopped to hear their talk.

It was mom asking Zii something about the job and that made my ears perched up.

"So when will you start then?"

"I donno mom. Whenever they call me to join. They have another guy who will quit on  Monday. So I guess I will join then."

"That's good. Please don't do something stupid there and be careful. You are only going to be an assistant so don't screw up your work."

My eyes were brimmed with tears. My mind started pulling out points that I wanted to say mom. But like always,I could argue with my mom only in my mind. Each time we had a fight,I never could explain myself to her. I cried. Everytime. I couldn't even properly form words to tell her anything. That was my utter weakness. My parents. I never could tell them anything serious or explain them. So the blame would always be on me. Even now,I knew that whatever I would think of telling her,I couldn't say that to her.

I entered the living room and Zii shouted a hi. I was busy looking at mom and I don't think she knew that I heard their talk. But this time,I wanted to tell her. So I did.

"Mom." My low whispered tone made mom look at me and she knew that I heard them. She told Zii to leave us for some time and he somehow obliged without complaining.

"That isn't fair mom. You can't do that to me. Zii is working! No one said me about it. Why?"

"Because we both know how you would react. Zii is fifteen now and he is capable to work. He's only doing a part time job as a chef's assistant and you know how much he loves cooking. So he wanted to learn it."

"And I have been fifteen already. I'm eighteen now. I go to college and my parents pay for my college. Isn't that so good? Like,do you even realize how I feel each time I have to ask you guys for money? That's the worst thing I would want to do in my entire life ma. Why don't you allow me to work? Don't give me the reason that I'm a girl and stuff. Lola and Dina had both worked for their own college fees. Everyone did. Except for me. Why? Why am I the exception?"

I was crying now and I waited for mom to answer me. I was standing near the couch and she held my hand and pulled me down to sit on the couch.

"Honey,we know you are capable to work. But we don't want you to. We want you to concentrate on your studies and I'm not saying that you have bad grades. It's just that me and your father don't like when you have to go to some other place to work. You are still so young. We care about you. You already help dad in his work and that's enough for now. We wanted to pay for your college and that's not a burden to us. And why do you feel so bad when you have to ask us money dear? We are your parents and its our choice that you don't have to work so stop feeling bad. You are our responsibility and we don't think otherwise."