The girl they will never have

32.

Exams-finally done.

You know it's too easy to write it down that-exams are done. But it's so damn difficult to reach that 'done.'. It's only my senior year and I feel like I'm done with studies. But I have a path too long to walk,by myself.

Coming back home,I slept,for like six hours. No disturbance. No stress. Nothing. The exams went good or so I think. I have school tomorrow to finish some office work and something related to the prom thing and stuff. And yes,I wouldn't go to prom,if you had thought otherwise.

After sleeping for six hours,I believe it's normal to stay awake all night. Coz it's 2:30 am now and I am still awake as an owl. Feeling hungry,I go down to the kitchen and make a cheese toast. Coming back,I watch some YouTube videos along with separating the cheese from the bread and eating only the bread. Like they say-Saving the best for the last. 

Something you would want to hear about-Zaid. I wish I could have a weak memory but believe me,I don't. I'm that kind of girl who remembers every detail of what I observe,see or hear. I'm not boasting about myself coz there are many who have those skills.

So it seems that my heart is betraying me and reminding me of him. But that's natural. You tend to remember that person,actually the only person in my life,who maybe cared a slightest bit about you,other than your family. However the person might be,our heart doesn't care about it. It's just remind us of them. No matter how much it affects us. But I think if we simply put all these blames on heart.? It's only meant to pump blood. It cannot make all those decisions of love,hate and so much more. I think it's our brain. Or a small part of our brain who puts the blame on the innocent heart.

You shouldn't read much biology. Coz this is what happens when you do so. But I still believe that it's the mind who's the master mind behind all this..Huh.

I know I don't like him like in that kind of like. But as I said,heart wants what it wants. And it only wants to feel our pain. And I'm not in pain as much as I am writing about it but I couldn't help myself from keeping his thoughts away from my head. Should I now talk to another guy? So that I forget Zaid like Usan. And how many such guys do I have to talk,to take my mind off them. I clearly know that I'm babbling stuff which looks like I had a serious heartbreak. This is just so stupid.

The only problem is that I know so much about him and if there's something surrounding me related to that,my mind does the simple calculus of reminding me of him. Arghhh. This is so frustrating.

I know if I stare at my ceiling like I have been doing from the last ten minutes,I might write a short story about Zaid. So I pick up a novel and start reading. Coz it's so much better to travel into another world rather than think about the reality.

It's one of my favorite books- Nancy Drew. It doesn't take me much time to indulge in her world. And then I find myself yawning and looking at the clock which reads 4:00 am, I go to bed hugging Nancy Drew close to my heart.

I wake up at 8:00 the next morning and having to go to school at 9:00,I freshen up and get ready for the last day. I ask Eym to drop me and he does so reluctantly and in no time,I'm standing at the front,ready to enter it as a student one last time.

I make my way to our ex-classroom and find everyone signing each others journals,slams and the cheerleaders who are kissing tissues and signing them up for their fans. I look around and find Em and Mila who are eyeing the cheerleaders and looking like they are about to puke. Or maybe they are just jealous?

I walk to them with a smirk and they simply mouth me 'gross'. Em is called by June and they start talking while I take Mila's hand and drag her to complete my office work. Well,it's actually not much,just the spellings and some address changes which shouldn't take more than ten minutes. We walk all down to the ground floor  and enter the office. Because we have holidays,there's no staff there with a secretary sitting alone.