Overlooked

Puppets...

On the day of the performance, the costume they picked for me was an HUGE onesie that didn't fir me AT ALL. The legs we too long for me that it had to pull the garter of the leg all the way up ti my thigh so that the remaining fabric won't drag on the ground. This the was first club performance I had where I had to wear makeup. I brought my usual stage makeup kit from when I did musicals when I was homeschooled. They didn't give me an exact look to follow so I just matched the colors of the onesie. What they didn't tell me was, I had to have a joker smile on my face with red lipstick. I didn't have red lipstick so I had to use someone else's. I tried telling them that I have very sensitive skin and I'm allergic to other people's sweat, so I couldn't do the makeup look they want me to do. I was also scared of the fact that I HAD to have the huge red smile on my face. I was not core so I had no control over my situation and the core said that it was the plan for me, so I had no choice but to put the makeup on. When I went out of the washroom. People started staring at me and ridiculing me for what I was wearing, while everyone else in the group was praised and complimented on what their makeup looked like. I literally felt like a puppet. I had no control over what I wore, what I did during that performance. Even if I was uncomfortable crawling on the ground to move across stage while some stood up to walk. I could have been given a role of a doll like the others, but no. I was supposed to be the creepy stuffed animal with a HUGE red lipstick smile. The core had all the say in what I did and there was nothing I could do about it.

The performance turned out to be one of my worst performances ever. Yes, I related to the character A LOT. But I didn't feel committed to the role. Yes, I told myself that I would work harder this year and I did. I accepted anything they gave me, even though it made me feel like I'm being controlled. I did all the weird, uncomfortable movements I had to do because they said so.

After the performance, I tried wiping off the red lipstick from my face. My skin was stained red by the lipstick. My skin is so pale that the red pigment from the lipstick clung to my face even after 4 washings. I had to go home with prominent red stains on my face. The next day, I woke up and the lower portion of my face was swollen. I washed all makeup off my face the night before and I used all my own makeup except the red lipstick. My skin was swollen where the red stains were, but I think this is the price to pay for following club authority. A stained, swollen face and one of my worst performances EVER.