Running Low {S.M}

XVII - Mercy

Shawn.

It's been two weeks since that phone call.  I realized now that I was keeping a huge secret from her.  It was something she needed, but I couldn't bare to tell her.

God Shawn! How could you ever make this huge of a mistake?

Just two weeks ago, I was telling myself that nothing could ever destroy us, but I guess I was wrong.  I'm going to be the one to destroy the perfect relationship that we have.  It just had to be me.  Once she finds out, we're done. 

She'll never want to see me ever again when I tell her.  When I tell her, every in my life will just come tumbling down on me...again.  I can't be that kind of guy to hide this...especially from her. 

I could never hide this from her.  It would kill me.  It's going to kill me even more when I see her heart break.  It's bound to break when I tell her.

I've made such a huge mistake and I can't take it back.  It'll hurt her even more if I tell her just now because then she'll know I've been hiding it.  I need her right now. 

I need Elena to be with me and comfort me, but she can't.  It would pain me to see her.  I don't know how this happened it just did.  All because of my stupid decisions. 

If I had just convinced myself that I would be so overprotective of Elena, then I would've been fine, but now I'm not.  I think it's just my dumb, young conscience getting to me and everything because all I'm doing is stressing.  But I have to.

  I have to deal with this now since I made this huge and unchangeable mistake.  It's over and now I have to deal with it.  I'm going to have to deal with her ending things between us once I tell her.

Once I tell her, nothing will be the same as it was before...absolutely nothing.  Nothing can change this mistake.  And there's no way that any apologies can change this mistake.  Nothing can...that's just the way life works.  That's how hearts break.  That's how it is.

As my thoughts came to a close, I heard the front door to our apartment open.

"Shawn?" I heard her quiet voice call out.

Oh how could I just ruin everything with one simple decision?

"In the room baby," I called back out, and her head peaked into the room.

Her gentle smile had my eyes locked on hers as she walked towards the bed. 

"Hey baby," she said and jumped on the bed next to me while pulling me close to her.

"Hey, how was shopping?" I said while wrapping my arms around her.

"Good, but now all I want to do is just sleep," she mumbled while resting on my chest.

"Alright, well first," I stopped and pulled away from her.

Here goes nothing.

"First what?" She said and grabbed my hand to pull me back towards her.

"Lena, please don't touch me right now," I said and got up from the bed.

"Why? Shawn what's wrong?" She questioned and I took a seat on the edge of the bed only to have her sit next to me.

I didn't say anything.  I just let out a small cry.