Running Low {S.M}

XXXV - Add It Up

Shawn.

I woke up, trying to remember everything that just happened.

Where am I?

"Shawn, you're awake.  Mum wants to know what you want for breakfast," my little sister Aaliyah asked, pushing me around in bed.

"W-what do y-you mean?" I mumbled, trying to make sure I was just dreaming this.

"Mum asked what you want for breakfast dumbo!" She said, pushing me again out of bed.

"W-where's Elena?" I asked, sitting up in bed.

"Elena? Who's that?" She asked.

"M-my g-girlfriend, w-where is s-she?"

"Did you break up with Lauren again?" She laughed, and I was t in the mood for laughing.

"Aaliyah, get out please," I said, pointing towards the door.

I need to process everything. I didn't know what happened. One moment I was with Elena, trying to escape death. She was dead, and now I'm here.

I was in my old room. My old house in Canada. I didn't want to be here, nor did I know how I got back here.

I lived with Elena, my girlfriend, in L.A.  How could this be?  Another voice was ringing in my head.  It was her voice.  She wanted me to find her. 

I could hear her weeping tears at the thought of this being a dream.  For me, and I think for her, I would call this life we are in right now a nightmare.

Wait.  Dream? That couldn't have possibly been a dream.  We had a life together, a perfect life for that matter.  Was it all just a dream.  Did we really not meet? Was it really just made up?  How could there possibly be any logic in that?

I could feel the weeping tears that were now building in my eyes set free.  I fell to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest. 

I let my sobs flow, not caring if anyone asked me if I was okay or not.  Because I'm not.  I'm not fine if I don't have her.  But at least I know that she's out there...somewhere. 

And I could feel her wanting me to find her.  I need to find her.  I need to see her again.  I don't want to live in this life without her.  I need her.  I need to love her.  I don't want to live unless I have her.  Unfortunately, I don't have her with me.  I have nothing for that matter.

But what if she doesn't exist? What if this dream made her up as well? That couldn't be possible could it?

What if I can't find her again? What if I never see her? What if the only way to see her is in that dream again? To me, it didn't feel like a dream. 

It felt like that was our lives, but I guess not.  We dreamed of it.  We dreamed of being together.  And that's not happening unless I find her.

Once my cries had stopped, I got up from the ground and ran out of the house.  My parents began to ask questions, but I ignored them.

The only thing I could focus on was finding Elena again.  I searched online for the soonest flight to L.A.  I needed to find her, and I would risk anything and everything for her.

The next flight to L.A leaves in three hours.  And just my luck, only one last seat was available.  I booked my flight and printed out my ticket. 

If this doesn't help me find her, then I don't know what will.  If I had dreamed of her, some part of me thought that she wasn't even real.  But the truth is, she is.  And I know that. I could feel her out there somewhere.

As if time could go any slower, I was out the door in seconds once my ticket was printed...then I was off to the airport.  Traffic.  It was everywhere. 

Maybe it's just because it feels like this is a life or death situation, that the time is going slower.  I could feel my breathing start to pick up as more time went slower each second.

All I want is to just find her.  Is that too much to ask for? I need her.  I need her with me.  Just make the time go by faster.  And my wish was granted. 

Just then, every car in the street was moving, and I was at the airport in a matter of minutes.  I sprinted inside the building after I parked the car, and checked in.

I only had forty-five minutes until my flight left.  Once I was checked in, I rushed up to the security check, and hurried until I was at my gate.  I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. 

Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to find the girl I love?  What if things aren't the same? What if everything in the dream just doesn't work out like how we want it to be? What if she wasn't real?

But it has to right? I mean, she wants me to find her.  I could feel her feelings pull me closer and closer to her.

When it was time to board the flight I walked in while tapping my foot.  I was growing impatient with the line I was currently standing in. 

Every person was taking their own sweet time.  I was next in line, and gave them my ticket.  I boarded the plane and could feel my nerves start to get the best of me.

My whole body was shaking as I took my seat.  This is it.  This is when I leave everything behind for her.  I am about to risk everything for a girl who I haven't met in real life.  But the truth is, I do know her.  Yes, we may not have met in reality, but I beg to differ. 

The dream was too real to not think that she wasn't like how we thought.  I know her, and she knows me.  That's simple.  This is it, I repeated to myself over and over again.  This is when I try to find the girl I love.  Nothing is going to stop me.

I'm adding everything up, and I know now, I'm aware of everything. I'm going to find her.