Third Wheel

T.W/18/The Truth

"Mikan?" My mother calls me. I dip my head deeper into my pillow and wrap my arms around it.

I can't find any motivation to get up from the bed. (Don't we all...)

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not feeling well. I'm on my period." I reason and she asks no more but I do decide to finally take a shower and sit on my bed.

Today is Friday, the day of the festival in which I'm supposed to meet Mahiru and finally talk about our relationship. I have to get ready for this, mentally and physically. Whatever happens, nothing will change. Nada...

"I'm fine." I say to myself after I get out of the shower. Since today is pretty chilly out, how about a nice warm pink yukata. Just a plain one, nothing fancy.

"I thought you were on your period?" Mom says, stopping by the door. She narrows her eyes at me but simply grins. "Let me do your hair. Who's the lucky guy?"

She immediately takes out the straightener even before I can answer. Moms... am I right?

"Lucky guy? Pft... You wish." She doesn't believe me so she goes right ahead and prepare my makeup and hair.

"Whatever you say..."

"I really don't want to wash off all this." I mumble, "I never asked to be painted on."

"You were thinking about asking me. Admit it."

"Nope."

The thing about it is that I at least feel like the gloominess is fading away since it can no longer be presented on my face. It's hidden by a mask of makeup.

It's gross but at least I don't have to pretend I'm having a good time.

"Thanks Mom." I finally say when she's done. She smiles and observes the results. She hands me the mirror and I look at myself. My lips glitter in the light and match my eyelids-pearl pink. My hair is curled into two ponytails.

"You're beautiful." she says and I nod.

"I look like you." I say in response. I'm relieved to see that I look exactly like my mother in this moment. Nothing like anyone else. Not like him. My bad-excuse of a father, "I'm glad."

"What?" She says, confused by my statement.

"Anyways... I should head out soon."

"Okay. Have fun."

I don't respond.

...

I arrive at the festival ten minutes early and wait by this big tree. Mahiru texted me this morning to meet here and so here I am. I watch as everyone walks happily to all the stalls. I look up and find the stars to be especially beautiful. The laughing of children running around, the smiles of families and couples, the sound of food cooking-it all sounds and looks peaceful. The thought of Natsume has completely left my mind. All I think about is how nice it is to forget everything. If only it could always be this way.

But it's lonely too.

"You're lovely." I hear behind me. I turn around and find Mahiru dressed in a black collared-buttoned up shirt and dark jeans. His hair is patted down and the smell of his cologne soothes my nose.

I am reminded of how handsome he is. I turn away from him but get up.

"Hm." I don't thank him, nor do I greet him.

"Want to see the stalls?"

"..." I nod. He leads me through the heavy crowd of people. They smile brightly around us so much that I feel uncomfortable. I hold on to Mahiru's shirt.

"It's been a while since we've last been to a festival together hasn't it?"

"Yes." I finally say.

"The last time we went to one, you wore a orange yukata with a strawberry pattern."

Strawberry

I shake my head. "..." Stupid nickname. It's stupid.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Yeah... it's nothing. It's just that I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember everything about you."

We stop at a goldfish-scooping stall. "You do?"

"I do. I remember our first kiss, our first date, I even remember the first time we fought."

Once he says all of that, I want to say that I remember those things too. I remember them all. I remember when I was sick and he missed school just to take care of me. When he brought me to a park on my Birthday and got everyone there to sing for me . When he invited me over to his house and introduced me to his parents. When we went to the beach and he blushed at my bikini. When he promised that we'do be together forever the day we fought for the first time.

It's too much to remember that I start to cry internally.

"I remember them too." I admit. "All of it."

His nose crumples, like he's about to cry. "Mikan... I-"

"Ma-kun" I call him once more, "How could you?" The tears don't come, my throat only goes dry and my eyes hurt.

I tell myself that I have to get over him. I have to. There's no 'try'...

"That girl..." He says with a dark frown, "is my cousin."

"... " the tears are almost there. I'm angry. This is the so-called reason for cheating? Because she is his cousin? Anyone can say that.

"She is suicidal and crazy. I kept on telling her that I had a girlfriend but she threatened to kill herself. I tried to tell you but you never came back to school. Then you transferred and it was too late. That day that you saw us... I had promised her a date but only if she had left us alone. I didn't want her to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I ended up hurting you instead and that was the worst mistake I had ever made. To this day I am haunted by what I did and I want to finally confess to all of it. I won't expect forgiveness but I want you to know that I love you and that I want you to be happy."

I look him in the eyes and see myself reflected back. 

Had I been through the same situation, would I have done the same? Would I have risked our relationship in order to keep him safe?

"I'm sorry too... I didn't do my job well. I constantly relied on you for support when I should have supported you. I regret bothering you and simply ignoring your needs." I bow before him and when I look up to meet his eyes once more he smiles at me.

"Even though I'm a dirt bag who cheated on you. You still find the time to be kind to me after all a that? Why? Don't you doubt me?"

I shake my head, "Even if you did cheat. I'm sure you would have told me the truth eventually because..." I smile, "Ma-kun is honest. You have always been honest with me. All the time in fact. Like that time you got jealous of the guy who was trying to confess to me. You told me that you were jealous. You know... that's what I like best about you."

He looks down with a sad smile... "Is there any possibility that you still love me?" My eyes widen.

At the same time, the fireworks are thrown into the air. All with different colors and shapes. It's beautiful. But we only look at each other.

"I still love you." I admit and he gazes at me.

"I know that I don't deserve another chance but... I really love you with all my being. I promise that I won't ever do anything to hurt you again. Will you go out with me once more?"