Third Wheel

T.W/22/Reason, Part 1

"Mikan?" I turn around and find my mother. She drops her bags and holds her hand up to cover her mouth in surprise. "Narumi?"

I look back at him and his eyes land on her. There is a heavy tension between the two that I find myself left out of.

She left me

The words echo in my head. I shake my head. No way.

"Yuka..." his gaze softens as he squints in the darkness. I look between the two and find myself falling apart. I didn't want this to happen but it happened anyways.

"Mom..." I mumble. She doesn't hear me, she doesn't look at me. Instead her hands cover her mouth in surprise. "Mom... what's he saying-..." I'm afraid to ask her anything. I'm afraid to find out the truth.

What if my father was telling the truth? It can't be... Mom told me-

"Yuka, we need  to talk." I see my father pull himself away from me and stand up straight. He stares at my mom intensely, "Please."

She's frozen in place, unsure what to do next. All I know is that it's late and I'm tired.

"Let's just get inside." I sigh and motion for the two of them to get inside. They hesitantly look at me, then head through the door. 

I remember my words back then:

"Mom... why did dad leave us?" Four is a young age for a girl to experience such a thing as divorce, death, anything. "Did we do something wrong? Does he hate me?"

"No..." She'd simply shake her head. "He'd never hate you."

Then after a long pause, she'd start again with her reasoning... with these exact words:

"He has a good reason to leave us. I can't tell you just yet... you're too young." She sighed, her eyes watering. Whenever I asked her about him, she'd look away from me and whisper it as soft as she could... I guess it was too much for her to bear. I probably reminded her of my father and she couldn't bare to look at me.

Now as I look at the two of them, it hardly seems like the case. My father looks desperate as he sits in front of her at the table. I stand to the side, looking at the two of them.

"Go to bed Mikan." My mother commands but I shake my head.

Why would my father lie? It's true that I can hardly believe he'd have a good reason to leave us but if he did then he wouldn't lie about it. He'd admit his mistake, wouldn't he?

I bow my head down and cover my face with my long bangs.

"Narumi..." My mother mumbles as she looks at the table. The air turns cold and bitter. I bite my lip.

"Yuka. What have you told her?" My father says with his hands extended. He wants to hold her hand but she shakes her head at him. "It seems like she doesn't know a thing about me and why I left."

"Why did you come back? I thought I made it clear that I..." She pauses to look at me but I refuse to look at her right now. "You shouldn't have come back."

Did she feed me lies? All this time...

I'm sixteen... for twelve years she's been...

No way... I refuse to believe it. 

Mom. Tell me the truth please... tell me it's a lie that my father has created to fool me.

"She doesn't need to know about you." She raises her voice slightly. I look up for once and feel a sudden urge to rebel against her. It's almost like she's making the choice for me. "I thought we settled this years ago!"

I want to run away but I can't move from this place. Why?

"What is the meaning of this, mother?" It's the first time I've ever used this tone with her and she's surprise. "What is he saying? He says that you left him!! That's not what you told me."

Her eyes water, so she leans on her hands. Its hopeless now. Everything is spilling out.

"I don't understand! Do you know what happened when I thought he left us?!" I point at him but I look at her; not daring to look away. She has to see my expression, my feelings, my truth.

She doesn't know my hatred of men and that the root of it all began with this man here.

"Do you know what happened to me?" I seriously can't keep it in anymore. I'm tired of this... of all this drama.

"No!!" She shakes her head in her hands and my father stays silent.

"I hate men." I declare. "You know why that is, mother?"

"..." She's shaking. "Mikan..."

"I hate them because I thought that all this time... my father left us. I blamed him for everything!!! Tell me the truth Mom. Is it true that you left him?"

She shakes her head furiously.

My father sighs and eventually buries his head in his hands as well. I look between the two of them.

I approach my father and stare at his features. Blond hair and hazel eyes. He looks just like me and in this moment he is like me. But for some reason... I can't recognize this man. He looks up at me and smiles.

"The truth is...  I'm not your real father Miki." He announces. "Your mother left me because of that."

I fall to my knees.

"Wha... what?"

"I'm sorry..." She mumbles. "I'm sorry."

"It's all a lie." I shake my head. "You lied to me." I tell her but it only seems to make her cry even more.

The person I call my father... isn't my father. What's worse is that my mother made it seem like it was all his fault that he left us. I blamed him. I hated him. For no reason at all?

I almost gag at the thought.

Instead of interrogating her, I run into my room and huddle.

"Mikan!!" I hear the man, I once called my father, say. "Wait!!"

The sun outside gets covered by clouds and fades away, I end up look straight at it.

"Natsume." I cry into my arms then reach out for the phone. My fingers search for his contact on my phone and then immediately press the call button.

"Hello?"

Instead of calling out to him, I sob. "I'm sorry." I say and hang up.