I'm A Not Girl//PHAN

Chapter 19

*** Please listen to this song while you read this chapter as it links to the ideas

Phil's P.O.V

I can't really remeber what happened that day in the river. I remember jumping in and pulling Dan out but then I couldn't escape and all I could feel, hear or see was water.

The burning sensation is my lungs as it dragged me deeper into its clutches while Dan sobbed. He tried to help ms and honestly I dont want to be dead. I want to be alive but I guess it was me or him and he deserves a better shit at life where someone will adopt him.

Why would anyone adopt me anyway. My grades are shit and no one even likes me theyre just scared of me. I have no family who will miss me and I doubt Caspar or Ollie will shed a tear.

The only person concerning me as I wander around the white room is Dan. After a while everything turned from murky to white and ever since I've been sat in a white room with a couch and a desk. God knows how long I've been here.

As if on que a justling erupt from one of the panels on the walls and a lady with blonde and pink hair rushes in with some papers. Wow you would think death would be more organized.

"I'm ever so sorry for the wait we were just processing your life span and have concluded whether you go to heaven or hell"

Dan's P.O.V

My bones ache as I lay face down on Phil's mattress. I know it isn't mine but it smells like him and reminds me of him. No matter what a person AHS done they deserve a second chance and Phil used his to save my life while losing his own.

Police interviews have racked my brain all week and all last week. Thankfully once a mental health assessment took place they realised was genuinely suicidal. Strange that isn't it. Geninley suicidal as if its something you dramaticise for attention.

Phil's death was ruled off as an accident and schools been torture. Full of ,emo, murderer, faggot, killer, physco, just to name a few. No one really understands and think I'm just totally immune to this as if I dont feel pain.

I shouldn't feel pain to the outside world who just saw Phil beating the living daylights out of me. They never saw him saving my life and sorting out my wrists or ny wounds when people hurt me. Leaving me subliminal messagses. Hell he even kissed me and he was deserve death.

I i wasnt so selfish and jumped he would still be alive. I ccould have waited to jump at night when no one would be there. No more deaths and no one to save me. Tears forming on the cheeks I pull on a sweater and my shoes.

As I wander down the corridor ingnoring nervous glances from people in the halls. Plugging in my headphones I begin to play "I miss you"- Avril Lavigne (song above) and make my way to the stairs.

Slowly i stumble my way down each step rattling my bones inside my body. Quietly I step around children and out the door. I know Lucy will stop me if she realises I'm sneaking out at 9pm. Lucy! I never said goodbye. I'll have to text her.

Shakily as I walk towards the same bridge where everything went wrong I feel a pull to jump straight in however I carefully write out a text for Lucy along with Chris and PJ. Eyes watering I plunge my phone back into my pocket and on silent as to not see then trying to get me to stop.

I dont have much time to jump now that they know. Grasping the rusty railing I swing my legs over so I'm leaning on the edge. As I take one last breath filled with tears I jump...

Phil's P.O.V

"What do you mean?" I croak looking up at her. Surely I wasn't going to hell right? I mean I saved his life. But I'm also gay and beat up kids so I guess the cards arent in my favour.

Smiling sadly she sits down in her chair before turning to me and setting down some photographs. She pints to the top one and I swear I let out a sob as I stared at Dan his face pale and eyes a milky white on a stretcher.

"He jumped off the same bridge last week, poor boy wrenched with guilt" she says taking the picture away as I harshly wipe my eyes, "Now as you know you have both commited a huge sin however I can possibly let this slide"

Let it slide. Does that mean I'll be with Dan in heavan. Or both in hell? Wiping my mouth I nod slowly understanding a little of what she was trying to say.

However the image haunted my mind. He killed himself. He's dead now. Bitter is not how I feel knowing that he killed himself anyway. I justw want to see him. Smiling widely despite the conversation a sudden knock on I guess the walls really as no door is visible at this moment.

Confused I look over to see the one and only brown eyes boy...

Dan's P.O.V

Death is strange. Nothing what I expected. I guess I thought it would blackness forever trapped in your own mind six feet udner however I feel light as a feather as I sit at a white desk while a girl with blonde hair and a tag saying Hannah begins spouting how suicide is a sin and blah blah blah.

What I didnt expect at all was to be vuuded out of the room down a corridor. Down a corridor in which they was a sign on a door saying Phil Lester. Tears begin to spill as I see the name reminding me Phil is also dead and destined for the same fate as I am.

Swinging the door open I sprint into the room be for throwing myself into Phil oblivious that I was straddling him and wrapping my arms around his neck while his grasp my hips. Sobbing I grip his hair and cry like I never had before.

Coos erupt from the two women eventhou we were commiting quite a sin. Wait does that mean we seen going to hell. Surely they would be s us down to the fiery pit of flame.

I try not to think too much a the boy grips unde my thighs then stanind up lifting me into the air. My head in his neck probably soaking his white shirt as I do so.

A hand lift up m head until me and Phil are level and thats when our lips crash together moving in sink and I tangle my hands in his hair his scent intoxicating me as he pushes me against the wall only stopping as the two women cough.

Crying even harder I bury my face in his chest. Holding onto his tightly as to not lose him again. Reluctant I peel away from the blushing boy as we are instructed to go through another door or panel thing.

Gripping his hand tightly we slowly and our way through the hall which seemed to shrink the deeper we went. Suddenly the floor gave in beneath us. I scream as I clutch onto Phil tightly. Hugging tightly we soar through through clouds until we land on the floor.

Looking around its just like earth except brighter and less dull. Phils eyes seem to widen as he looks at a middle aged couple with black hair and blue eyes. Forgetting where he was he began to sprint over to them and throwing himself into their arms.

A hollow cage with your own thoughts without anyone else to spit cruel words at you or scream in your face. No one to judge you. Just yourself for years and years and years.

If this is death I guess it isn't so bad. I mean its not like I had any family to go to. Oh god. Chris and PJ. They're going to be crushed.

Suddenly loud sobs escape my mouth as I fall onto the green grass. Horrified Phil rushes over to me. "Dan what's wrong?" He rushes scooping me into his arm regardless of what's wrong.

How will Chris since I doubt PJ will make it. Its all my fault. Sure no on really missed me or Phil except for Chris and PJ. How will the poor boy cope.

"What about Chris" I mumble in Phils shirt listening to his heart beat which seems to Quicken at the question. Rather than answer he hugs me tighter. If this is death. Its not as scary as people say it is.

(1497 words dayum)

Eh this was really cliche but I wanted to make them meet again and also Phil meet his parents cos cute. Also I wasn't going to kill off Phil I was gonna make them both live but then I thought nope gonna stick to the original idea...anyway there's gonna be one last chapter which will not be as long as others but a nice little ending.