I'm A Not Girl//PHAN

Chapter 14

I doubt anyone who could be triggered is still reading but again I would like to say trigger warning.

Dan's P.O.V

Frowning, I glare at the cuts littered all over my wrist some forming words and some just ways to get out the pain. Lucy says I shouldn't think about what I did. She says I should try to forget.

I know she means it for the best but I still can't help feel shes just saying it to stop me whining. I whine a lot and I know I should stop but I guess I can't helping.

Phil Lester you are driving me crazy. I want to hate him I want to not care like everyone else but something about him intruiges me. He's got that good guy with the wrong people essence.

His eyes are so captivating and his hair perfectly balances on his pale face. The contrast creating beauty rather than hatred. Is it wrong to be thinking this.

He did leave me a note after all. A simple note. He probably felt sorry for me. He read my diary.

He read my private property and he knows that I know but I guess we never bring it up. I know he feels sorry for me but it could all be a trick.

A sick trick. Probably a bet. Obviously a bet because who on earth would want to be kind to me. Sighing I turn around and stare at the hollow reflection of my face in the mirror.

As I lean against the sink I turn on the tap as hot as it can go before plunging my wrist under it. Refraining from squealing out in pain I cover my mouth with my other hand.

Dried and fresh blood mixes with the water as I hover my entire wrist under the hot spurts.

Chewing my lip I reach over for a towell before dabbing lightly at the now pink and delicate skin making sure not to re open anything.

Once my arm is dried I wrap it back up in its bandage before smoothing down my pajama shirt and unlocking the door.

I poke my head around the frame to make sure no small children are around because I dont think 5 year olds need to know my issues.

*time skip*

Trying my best to make minimal noise I begin to pull on my holo jeans. Yes I know what you're thinking. Isn't that uncomfortable. And the answer is yes. But they slay queen so I'm wearing them.

With probably all my effort I manage to pull on the holographic skin without causing enough noise to wake up Phil. All he does is yell and let's say I dont like when people yell.

My eyes scan over my drawer until I find my binder and a pastel yellow shirt with a black cross printed in the middle.

I'm not religious or anything I kinda just wear it ironicly and it helps the whole "I'm not Satan because I'm trans" idea people like to spread.

Wait will it match. Biting my lip I pull on the binder along with the shirt and check myself in the mirror. I guess it works. Not really caring I pull on my pastel yellow black high tops and a see through jacket.

Sure its see through but fashionable. Plus the cuffs and collar are rainbow and everything needs a bit of gay.

Ew did I really just say that in a non ironic way. What is happeneding to me.

Checking my appearance one last time I smooth down my hair and turn to the flat irons on phils bed. Wait what? Has he actually been using my striaghteners.

I can't do anything really to stop him I probably deserve my stuff being taken I'm nothing special.

**time skip**