Angels and Death

angels and death chapter 4.

CHAPTER 4.                                               BETWEEN A ROCK AND HARD PLACE.

CASPIAN.

I held my breath. I thought if only I held it within, surely I wouldn't fall apart. When I reached the end of her doorway, I slid around the corner and shoved my back to the hallway wall. What have I done? What. Have. I. Done? Poor, beloved Sam. I should never had allowed this. I should have just followed the rules. Why was I such a dysfunctional? Why was I not more like my brothers and sisters? Why was I different? HE will not be pleased about my disobedience. HE knows all.

My heart felt very strange. It beat at impeccable speed. My blood pumped furiously through my unworthy veins. THUMPTHUMPTHUMP the ever present reminder of what I had done.

I need to go, get far, far away. They will be coming, to see if the job is done. They know I can be found with her, I need to leave now. This is new for me, these feelings coursing through my brain, sparking with electricity, they couldn't be more foreign. Yet, I welcomed them, embraced them with open arms.

I long to go back, to go back into her room and take away my hurtful words. To take away the pain from the accident. She did, she trusted me so, much to my inner turmoil.

I could not do it, I simply could not. I was to to end her, to watch her die, It was my job. My sole purpose. You were supposed to die in that car crash, that was your destiny, my thoughts ran, imagining I was before her telling her these secrets I held so tightly within. But I couldn't allow it, could not even bare the thought. My instructions were simple, intricately lain, not one finger was to be laid upon her woven web. Just watch, listen, learn.

I remember the day she was born. Her mother's second born. Samantha's mother's labor lasted a gruff 36 hours. When it was time, out Samantha came, like a whale breaching a wave. I'll never forget the expression her mother wore, when Samantha's father ate a fudgesicle in front of her mother. She was told nothing to eat or drink, -now I am not the guardian of her mother but if I were, I'd say her free will suggested harm. Lots of physical harm, in a comical manner of course. 

Human birth was truly a miracle. She was a chubby little thing. Chunky in a cherubic way, was her beautiful face. From the exact moment of conception Samantha did things her own way.

After the birth, just a mere newborn, she wore a look of shear victory. Her mother noticed as well, which then paved the way for her middle name, Victoria. It suited her well. She was mine, Samantha was. It was not the moment of our joyning-when I was assigned, but the moment she was created, that I knew. I felt electricity, I felt something... I felt.

She most certainly, told me things no other soul knew. But I already knew them. She most certainly trusted me. I already knew that as well, as was my intentions. But she had no idea, not the slightest of clues.

Sam had an older brother. His name was Jamie-lee. When he was twentynine he died of a heroin overdose. Samantha was eighteen at the time, and she missed him with all she was. Samantha's mother became an alcoholic, sometime after she was a year old, and never changed, even to the present. Samantha was in and out of foster care for many years as a youth, and while at one family, for which she stayed with for three years, she was sexually abused. Every night. For three whole years. She never told a soul. I knew, though she hadn't told me. I had to let happen. It was meant to be. But so help me, I tried to stop it.

That started the first of my question's. My faith's golden exterior started to crack.

I had ruined everything. I had damned myself, I had damned Samantha and for what? My mind was under assault, from revealing myself to my charge, to the aftermath. The revealing myself part was the most disturbing of them all. I should've known that something like that could have occurred... It was as if she were in a induced euphoric state brought on by my very presence, along with the others at the hospital. The dream state seemed to have clouded their judgement, which resulted in no police, no important questions being asked, and virtually no trouble about my being there. And that meant no trouble for Samantha from upstairs.

Suddenly I was brought back to the night of Samantha's dream, the night she awoke screaming. It was burning inside of me, I had to know what she had dreamt of. I had feared it was something awful, you know the saying ask and you shall receive? I had no idea that she had dreamt of me, that had she had seen my true self... of course I became beside myself when she relayed that evening to me. For I feared that I had done more harm, and that was never my intention. I was foolish, but Samantha was dying, her organs were crushed, she had nearly exsanguinated inside herself. I couldn't just stand there and watch. And I don't know why, but it had felt as if I too, were dying, my hand was forced into action-

-"They're coming," It escaped my lips, on nothing more than an exasperated whisper. I closed my eyes and began my departure.

With my eyes held tightly closed, concentrating,  I suddenly heard the sounds of the sea shore. I smelled the savory salt of the ocean blue, no longer the sickly-sterile air, or the hustle and bustle of the hospital staff and patients. I-as all Angel's- can go anywhere, anytime, all we have to do is visualize. I opened my eyes, giving a long and hard look around, no followers I concluded. 

They will not find me here, not before I have moved on to the next place. I bought Samantha time as well, and with me out of the way, that much more. How could this have happened? What have I done? What kind of guardian angel am I? I had one job! One... 

Her smile flooded my head just then, the sound of her laughter ringing deep within my ears. The way she spoke-the vulgarity in which she often spoke... the way my skin would morph into prickly little bumps at the slightest of touches from her-

-CRACK! The piercing shatter boomed through my being, my legs had forcefully buckled beneath me, causing me to crash down onto the sandy shore. Pain hitting me like a bolt of lightning, filling me with anguish in powerful electrical bursts.

I was frozen in place, with pain so beyond human life, I would never have the words to describe. My wings, always hidden from humans, in them I could feel a tear, nearly ripping in two. Now bearing a significant fracture, assuming wholeheartedly, this was my consequence for disobeying my family. My essence lost a piece of itself then, unable to return home. Gone for good it was, for leaving my charge behind.

Samantha was more than a mere charge.

If something were to happen to her, to my... I.. I would finish my Father's job for him. I would gladly accept damnation for all eternity. For my life would be meaningless.

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