Angels and Death

chapter 24 HEAD SPINNING HIT THE FLOOR HARD, HARD.

CHAPTER 24. HEAD SPINNING HIT THE FLOOR HARD, HARD.

***songs that inspired this chapter is ENCHANTED -BY TAYLOR SWIFT& FUTURISTIC LOVER (ET) -BY KATY PERRY****

SAMANTHA.

After about five whole minutes of awkward, scared silence, I made the move to come clean. "Um, Jace there's a lot-I don't know where to start really..." I trailed off, and I started to feel that helplessness again like when I was at the hospital, after-after he left. I felt scared, broken, alone and disconnected. Zooming in to that time in my mind my eyes shut in remembrance of the pain, of when it felt like the cord of my life had been severed. I exhale on a heavy note, and open my eyes again, and with a heavy stomach I look to the eyes of the people that surrounded me, hoping expecting... what? I don't know... understanding? How could they it is mine and mine alone, no one knows how I feel inside, how it felt to be me then, now.

I felt lost like I do now. Helpless, what could be done to help me now? These dark characteristics are very unlike me, as I had never before felt this way. But a lot had happened that day, days, weeks, months, more than a mere car accident. More then pain, more then love, life connections. I was reborn and then abandoned into this mess I am now standing here in this impossible disaster. Frightened-terrified, lost, erratic, weak, but the strongest I've ever been. I inhaled a deep breath and held it hard before letting it go, letting it all just go for the moment so I could just maybe get through to the next...

"Caspian," I began eyes wide open standing right in front of Jace staring right into his eyes. And at his name, Jace seemed to react in such a way suggesting he knew this much, he took in a sudden small but heavy breath and his eyes took on a hard defensive look but that was all. The look in his eyes, said what wasn't needed to be said aloud, for me to continue, understanding... and so I did. After all it was the beginning...

"He hit me, he was the one who smashed into my car, the cause for my accident. He stayed with me apparently during the entire time I stayed in the hospital. I had been unconscious for a week, it was a very critical time because I had died twice they said. When I finally awoke, he sat asleep in the hospital chair in my room beside my bed. I was frightened I had never seen him before, and then the nurse told me who he was and I felt all these emotions all at once, I was overwhelmed.

"I had fallen asleep from the meds and when I awoke again he was right there wide awake, I had to face him. I did, and we-we just talked, we talked for hours. Day after day, he never left." I smiled at that thought, "Anyways we became close, I treasured him, he was just... different. I mean here was this guy who hit me caused such an accident, and here he was staying in the hospital with me, he didn't have to but he did. That touched me on such a level, I just couldn't describe to you.

"Time went on, we grew close, closer. Naturally I fell for him, hard. He was beautiful both inside and outside, he was so caring, so honest, so odd so beautifully odd. He wasn't like anyone I had ever known, and in such a short time I grew so close, felt like I never not knew him. Like he was always there, apart of me. We had such a special friendship, and off topic I know, but he never left, the nurses and doctors said, but he was always dressed different. Same shoes with the blood stains. My blood." at that I felt cold suddenly, and shuddered in the remembrance, "I never told him I loved him, I should've, but no, I never did." I went on and on telling every detail of what I remembered from our time together in the hospital, and even though I stood face to face with Jace, directly in his eyes I spoke, I couldn't see him anymore. I was far, far away to that special time.

***FLASHBACK***

It was two days after, our snack night watching that 70's show. I had woken up from a nap I had taken after my physical therapy session, and I sat up and noticed Cas wasn't here. I felt nervous thinking he had finally gone home, but then I thought he never left, why was today different? I bit at my fingernails, clicking through the TV, but not watching it, just nervous clicking. And then Cas walked in, he had a white plastic bag with him and a big bouquet of bright flowers. Happily stunned my face heated, and a huge blushing smile swarmed my face. At my reaction Caspian smiled hugely and huffed out happily as he handed me the flowers. He had ordered me Chinese food, from the smell of it, it seemed to be General Tso's chicken. My favorite... he always just knew...how did he always know?