Two week's my eight year old neighbor asked me if I'd ever seen Santa. I said he didn't get down my chimney on account of being super fat so he went through the door. I also said I punched him in the face, thinking that he was a burglar. The kid was shocked and asked me if I'd been left any presents. I pretended to be upset and said he left me a single piece of coal, on account of punching him and all.