Shawn Mendes Imagines

Nightmare

Note:
I feel like such a bad person for doing this
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Music:
~ From the Dining Table by Harry Styles
~ Memories by Shawn Mendes

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My eyelids felt heavy, but somehow, I managed to lift them up with an unhuman effort. My head started throbbing instantly in tortuous, piercing rushes of pain. The air felt compacted, and smelt like burning fuel. I shut my eyes closed and reached my forehead with my hands, attempting to banish the rising ache, but instead, my fingers covered up with some thick, dense substance. Blood.

I suddenly became alarmed, and, despite of the unbearable pain, I opened my eyes and started scanning my surroundings. I was inside of a car; my car. There was smoke outside, which explained the burning odor. It didn't take me long to figure out what had happened: I got into a car crash.

But none of that mattered. None of that mattered to me. I didn't care about the smoke, the destroyed car, or my injuries. Everything seemed so little compared to what I was concerned about, to the person I was concerned about.

Everything happened in either a flash, or in slow-motion. I couldn't decide. But I didn't care. All I cared about, all I would mourn about for the rest of my life was sitting next to me, in the driver's seat.

Shawn.

I released an agonizing scream, and covered my mouth with my hands. Heavy, acid tears began flooding down my eyes like overflowing rivers. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

Everything fell apart in an instant. I wasn't under control over myself anymore; over anything at all. I tossed myself closer to him, spreading my arms wide and shaking him brutally, waiting for any response. But each one of my actions seemed miles away from me. So did him. His body looked inert; felt inert. Lifeless. The steering wheel before him was covered in blood. His blood.

I tried not to turn my head. I tried not to look at his face. Because if I did, that would be it. If I did, I would know. But maybe, if I avoided his beautiful, bright eyes, none of this would be real. It couldn't be real.

But I turned my head. I couldn't help it. I had to know if he was still there, right beside me. I had to know if I would ever stare into his deep, safe eyes again, and witness that spark they always shone. I needed to know if I would ever see him flash that huge, wonderful smile of his again, the one that, after all this time, still made my whole body tingle with happiness. But instead, my eyes met a pair of dull, glassy eyeballs, focused on void and nothingness.

He was dead. The facts were starting to hit me abruptly. He was no longer here, and would never come back again. I'd never, ever, see him again.

I started sobbing even more desperately, and rushed back to my seat, trying to get as far away from his rotting corpse as possible. I brought my knees to my chest, and buried my face in between them, in a vain attempt to escape this nightmare.

This isn't real, I kept repeating to my insides, hoping to convince myself. But I was afraid my worst fear had come true. I had lost him forever.

Why?, I wondered. Why did he have to die? Why wasn't I dead instead?

But I didn't have enough time to come up with any answers, because my excruciating thoughts were interrupted by a masculine voice:

"Are you all right?"

I managed to lift my head up to meet a tall, dark skinned man in a police officer's uniform. When I didn't answer, he opened the door and eyed me sympathetically.

"We're gonna get you out of here", he assured me, and offered me his hand. I took it in response, urging to get out of that hideous place.

I was taken by surprise when cold, icy air collided against my skin and messed up my hair even more, blowing it on my face. I inmediately shivered, but I was quickly covered with a blanket by another cop.

"We're really sorry for this, but we need to ask you some questions", she apologized sympathetically.

My heart dropped. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. If I said it out loud, all of this would stop being a nightmare, and become a hard, cold truth.

Tears threatened to surface, but I compressed them down. "I-I can't."

"Look, I know this must be hard, but we need to know what happened", she insisted. "Why did you guys crash? Was there an animal on the road?"

"There was another car", I started, pushing down any ounce of emotion. "We were listening to music and singing, and we didn't-"

I started recalling the moment. I was so happy, and so was him. We couldn't stop smiling. We were driving to Shawn's house so we could spend Christmas with his family. He was so exited to see them that he wouldn't stop babbling.

I choked in my own tears. I felt like the whole universe was resting its weight against me, suffocating my brain. The pain was inmense. I was aching, and the grief obligued my body to crash onto the rusty pavement.

I thought about his family. Karen, Manny and Aaliyah. What could I possibly tell them? There were no words. They were probably waiting for us then, eager to reunite with his son.

I screamed. My thoat burned, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore, exept for the fact that he was gone. Our moment of happiness seemed so far way, as if it had happened ages ago.

I should've died. He didn't deserve this. His family didn't deserve this.

"Come back", I whispered to myself, realising begging was my last source of consolation. "Please, just-"

More tears cut off my misery. I couldn't speak anymore, and I didn't even try to fight it anymore. I was defeated.

The female cop lifted me up from the floor, and guided me to the car, placing me on the backseat next to the window. "We're taking you to the station", she spoke. "Everything will be fine."

I barely heard her, but I managed to process her words just enough to know she was lying. Nothing was fine, and nothing will ever be again.

I looked through the window, and caught a glimpse of Shawn's body being dragged out of the car by the male cop. The view felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart with the sharpest of daggers. I closed my eyes shut instantly, pressing my eyelids as hard as I could, and drifted slowly into a deep sleep as a single tear slid down my cheek.

All I feared had come true. My darkest nightmare had become a reality.

Shawn was gone. He would never come back again.

And his death would haunt me forever.

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Final note:
I'm so sorry omg
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     — Lou ☼☽