Choosing You

Chapter 59 - The choice

Draft - Hun 08, 2017

Chapter 59 -  The choice

Oli

I've been staring at the sky for I don't know how long just to find answers to all the questions and feelings that bugging my whole system. Pero ni isang sagot ay wala akong makuha.

It's plain and empty katulad ng langit ngayon.

My head is a big mess right now and my heart is completely at state confusion.

Hindi ko na alam ang tama. Hindi ko alam kung tama nga ba talaga ang lahat.

I am hurting and they are hurting. I am blaming myself for all of these things.

Ako ang dahil ng lahat ng to.

I hurt EJ and Jillian.

"The sky can help us realized things, but it will not give you answers to your question." rinig kong sabi ng isang tinig but I didn't bother to turn around and look at him. "Answers can only be found within ourselves and from the person involve."

"But I couldn't find answers, Xander." Sabi ko dito. I don't need to hide it from him dahil alam kong hindi naman din ito maniniwala kung mag sisinungaling ako "I feel so lost and confused. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Ang dami ko ng taong nasasaktan."

"You are not lost, Oli. But you are definitely confused." As he stand next to me "Pero alam mo lahat ng sagot sa tanong mo. But you choose not to acknowledge it."

"I wouldn't be here if I know the answers, Xander."

"Pareho nating alam kung ano si EJ sa buhay mo. You love her, there is no doubt about that Pero si Jillian, sino nga ba siya sayo? Ano nga ba talaga siya sayo, Oli?"

"She is my friend, Xander." I don't know why I feel like mali yung sinabi ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko may mali sa sinabi ko.

"Are you still denying it to yourself, Oli?" sabi nito " Kaibigan nga lang ba siya sayo? kasi kung oo ang sagot mo. Marami kang hindi alam sa sarili mo, Oli. You have open your eyes to the things you failed to recognize. Jillian is not just a friend to you, Oli. She is more than that."

"Why are you saying this to me, Xander?"

" Because you need to hear it. Masyado kang nakulong sa idea na kaibigan mo siya but she is not. Do you know you look at Jillian? Do you know how much you care about her, Oli? Na aalala mo ba na hindi mo siya gustong may iba siyang kasama? That you made her an exemption dahil you use your power as SC president noon para walang ibang makalapit sa kanya, to stop those interviews and events that make her visible to public. Why are you doing that?"

I feel my heart pounding right now. Dahil bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ni Xander, isa isang bumabalik ang mga alala sa utak ko. mga alaalang nag papaalala na tama ang sinasabi niya. those memories are too clear to deny it.

"Because she is important to me."

"No.." he said firmly "Because you want her for yourself, alone."

" I just don't want to lose her."

" Stop denying it to yourself, Oli. Dahil ikaw lang ang mahihirapan. Stop putting her on the friendship zone kahit na alam mong hindi naman siya dapat doon."

"But.. I love EJ. Xander, alam kong mahal ko si EJ."

"I never question that." He said "But you cannot love two people equally and at the same level. Sa lahat ng bagay merong MAS, merong mas mahalaga, mas gusto mo, mas kailangan mo at higit sa lahat mas mahal mo." then he smile at me " I know this is hard but I know you know the answer within yourself."

Napa hilamos ako ng mukha dahil sa frustration nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"Wala tayo dito ngayon kung hindi totoo lahat ng sinasabi ko sayo, Oli." Sabi nito " Mahal mo si EJ, there is no doubt about that and I will not question that either. But you are not completely happy right now dahil kahit andyan si EJ, you still want Jillian to be around you."

Walang kahit ano ang lumalabas sa bibig ko. I am deliberating every word that he says. He is right, I am not completely happy kahit asa tabi ko si EJ. But I couldn't afford of hurting EJ again but losing Jillian will definitely...

Bigla akong natigil sa pag iisip ng tumunog ang phone ko kaya't mabilis ko itong kinuha at sinagot.

"Hi Oli," I feel the sadness in her voice right now. Bigla kong na alala yung tinging pinukol niya sa akin kagabi. How broken she was last night. "I know you were at the Imperial Hotel. Can you come and see me at the head office? I promise, this will be for the last time. I will be waiting for you."

Saka nito ibinaba ang tawag.

" I have to go now," sabi ko dito

"The corporate head office is an hour away from here and two hours away from airport. And Jillian will leave the country after two hours." Natigilan ako ng marinig ko ang sinabi niya. Parang may kung anong sementong bumagsak sa akin. I feel like there a torch that hit my being." Maabutan mo pa siya kung aalis ka na ngayon. " He look at me straight to my eyes "You are in the middle, Oli. You are either going north or south. It is your choice." He pause "I know his will be tough decision, but you cannot run into two circles. You really have to make a choice, Oli. Sino ba talaga ang mas mahal mo? Sino ba talaga ang ayaw mong mawala sa buhay mo?" She gave me a comforting smile "But I am hoping, you will choose what will makes you happy. "

Saka ito tumalikod at nag lakad palayo.

Now, ano ang pipiliin ko? Sino ang pipiliin ko?

I hold the railings in front of me and close my eyes. Putting all my frustrations and confusions on it.

Then I see, their image passing walking away from me. Both of them heading into different direction.

And it hit me. I couldn't take away my eyes from her. I feel my heart tighten in pain seeing her walking away from me.

It is the familiar feeling of pain every time she walks from me.

I open my eyes and smile at my realization.

"That's it, it's her." I said it loud enough for me to hear.

I didn't waste time. Mabilis akong tumakbo pababa ng rooftop at dimiretcho sa parking area.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang traffic violation ang nagawa ko ngayon. I need to see her at wala akong pakialam sa kahit ano pa man. I need to drive fast para makarating sa kanya on time.

When I reach my destination, ay mabilis akong bumaba ng sasakyan ko at walang pakialam kung naka harang man ito sa daan.

I need to see her first.

Mabilis akong tumakbo papunta sa kanya.

"EJ." I called her name

She slowly turns around and look at me.

"Oli."

"I'm so sorry." said and run to her while there are tears falling in my eyes.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay."

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Okay, kalma.. :D 

keep smiling everyone! 

ilashu! :D 

PS

Hi Bae,

Mahal kita, mahal kita hindi ito bola tumingin ka man lang sana ako'y nasa langit.

(Ewan by Imago)