Break Your Little Heart// A Thomas Fanfiction

Chapter 9

Authors Note: This is kind of a filler, it sort of foreshadows parts of the story, sorry if you find it uninteresting! 

Walking into school Monday morning, I felt nothing but guilty.

I hated myself for liking Thomas the way I did. I didn’t want to develop feelings for someone who was so terrible, for someone that everyone wanted me to break. I felt as if nobody knew him like I did, that nobody took the chance to ignore the rumors and actually get to talk to him as if he was a human. Everyone decided to listen to the rumors about him and that resulted in me having to hurt someone I actually cared about.

The one thing that was really killing me, was wondering, what if they weren’t rumors?

What if everything people were saying about Thomas was true? Except for the Acacia thing obviously, but what if he did cheat on all of those girls like I had heard? It would explain the $300 reward on his penis.

This is what caused the migraine I had developed Sunday afternoon, overthinking.

After Thomas dropped me off at my house, without a goodnight kiss, might I add, I ran into my room, got changed and passed out. I didn’t give myself the time to overanalyze fuck all Saturday night. I had saved it to kill myself over on Sunday.

And now it had led into Monday morning. And it was worse now that I had to deal with prying questions from every single girl in the goddamned school.

I entered the bathroom and put on ripped skinny jeans and my All Time Low shirt. I didn’t really feel like whore-ing it up today. I just wanted to dress the way I wanted to for once, and if Thomas, or any other person in this school didn’t like it. Well, they could shove it up their ass. I wasn’t feeling great and the least I could do is dress comfortably.

I walked into English class trying to keep to myself, but again Jessica referred to me as my good ol’ nickname “Harlet”.

“Yes Jessica,” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Any updates with Thomas?” She tried to interrogate me.

“No, if I do, you will be the first to know, okay? You have the most money on this case.” I totally lied to her. I felt like the date Thomas and I shared was sacred, the kiss was even more special. Shit-disturbing bitches had no right knowing about my feelings.

But it was obvious she didn’t care how I felt, she only cared about how Thomas felt. And she wanted him to feel pain, pain I was supposed to give him. People don’t believe that I have feelings.

“I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down”

It was funny to hear these lyrics being sung into my ears, because it was what I related to the most at this fragile state I was in. I was constantly being told what to do, and I let myself be tortured in this way for money.

Most of the time, I felt worse than a prostitute.

I made people feel loved, or at least wanted for a short period of time before being paid my money and then leaving them hurt and lost. But at least most people knew that prostitutes didn’t care when it was happening, I was playing people’s hearts without them being the wiser.

I hated this, I hated all of this so much.

“I really don’t want to bother you,” Clarissa said to me after coming up to me at the end of science class.

“I have nothing really to say,” I said shrugging.

“Oh, okay.” Clarissa nodded before walking away, my heart ached.

“Wait, Clarissa,” I stopped her before jogging up to her at the exit of the classroom.

“What is it?” She asked me, she looked genuinely concerned. I wished I could’ve told her the truth.

“We’ve been talking a lot on the phone,” I told her. It was all I could tell her.

“Good, keep it up,” she smiled at me. I smiled back at her and walked away from her.

“So you’re going to let me drive you home again right?” Thomas asked me at the end of math class.

“Do you have too?” I whined, shoving my notebooks into my backpack.

“I’m going to drive you home from now on, unless you know, I die.” He looked at me quizzically.

“Why don’t you drive me too school, huh?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“I’m always late to school myself,” he rolled his eyes at me as if it was obvious.

“Mr. Augusto!” I gasped as we exited the classroom together.

“Wey hey,” he shrugged. “So do you want a ride?”

“Yes, but only because I hate the cold.” I clarified

“Fair enough,” he smiled at me.