Greaser

20. Late

M A R Y  

It took me a second to register what he had just let ramble from his mouth. Especially if he only meant it in a friend way. That’s like a kick to the knee. You like someone more than you’ve intended, and they come back to say that they only like you as a friend, it brings you down. Just like a kick to the knee would. I nodded, bringing myself to get my feet moving again.

“I just mean, like—I love you but not love, love you.” He was starting to ramble again, getting me to roll my eyes as I glared up at him. “I mean, I’m not in love with you, but I might be starting to fall in love with you. But at the same time I don’t want to have a relationship because if it all turns bad I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“That’s the thing, Niall. You’ll never know if anything will work out for yourself if you don’t try. You need to try things.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re lonely.”

“Excuse me?”

“You broke up with Dale, and now all of a sudden you’re clinging to me.” He grumbled, kicking the stones at his feet, watching how far ahead on the sidewalk they make it.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“What?”

“Are you really bringing this attitude back?” I crossed my arms over my chest, slowing my pace because I knew that if he kept talking at this rate, I was going to turn back and go to the motel. Probably lock the door as well. He can sleep in his car for all I care at this point.

“I’m only saying the truth!”

“No, you’re being an ass!” I retorted.

“How am I being an ass?”

“I think if anyone is lonely here, it’s you, Mr. I’ve-never-been-in-love-and-I’m-too-good-for-anyone.” His eye brows pulled together in what I’m assuming is anger at this point. The same face that my father would pull before he balled up his fists and collided his large hand with my cheek. This made me cringe, thinking that maybe I had gone too far now.

“Mary—I don’t think I’m too good for anyone.” He sighed.

“That’s certainly how you act.”

He paused in his place, his hands shoved in his front jean pockets. “Maybe I’m not good enough for anyone. You ever thought about that? Maybe I just push people away on purpose. Because I can’t bare the thought of being close to anyone again, and have them being torn away from me again.” He let out, tears brimming his eyes. “I’m already closer to you than I want. I can’t—I just can’t get any closer. You could leave me for some reason, or you could be taken away from me and I won’t stand to see that happen.”

“Niall, you can’t control everything. You couldn’t control your mom dying. You couldn’t control how your dad treated you. Course, you can change things, you can change your life and make it what you want. But you cannot control how something pans out. You can’t control whether someone is taken from you. But you can keep them from leaving. You can keep me from leaving if you want. You know how to do that?”

“How?”

“Stop being an ass!” I laughed, a smile erupted onto his lips, showing his, white, perfectly straight teeth. Something I never really noticed until tonight.

“I’m sorry. I told you, this whole thing is just new to me.”

“That’s no excuse. I mean, girls are people too. You know how to treat people don’t ya?”