i've never been more free,
like i am,
right now.
although, the air that i breath,
burns down my nostrils and makes me
choke, slightly
the foreign feeling is still so surreal,
still so normal to me.
is that not what i wanted, all my life?
and was this how easy,
like it was to
make it happen?
i wonder, why i didn't do it until now.
do you see, T?
mom? dad? nina? cheryl? you see,
don't you?
i am breathing just as you do.
i am trying too hard not to cry,
i don't think i'll be able to hold it for too long.
but, i don't wanna smudge the ink.
when i look up at the clear sky, i
see with my blurred vision, the
faces of the people — i
constructed and imagined
half my life —
float by and
the pang in my chest grows.
my head hurts when i admit its defects
it hurts when i complain.
i have always been schizophrenic— at least for
long enough to get used to it.
but, i guess, i won't really ever be.
i still see you standing by the railing.
you lean against it, with
your signature lop sided grin, looking down
at me.
i tell you to be careful.
you only smile back.
i close my eyes, as i write and
i try to clear my thoughts.
at least for once,
at least for now, i
want to look at the world, everybody else does.
real.
i wish, i could give this notebook to you, T
but i know,
i can't.
i probably could have agreed, when
nina offered to introduce me to you.
but, i couldn't. although i
didn't know why, back then
i think i know now.
because none of you ever really existed.
but in my head, only.
i can't see my handwriting anymore,
nor the page either.
my face feels warm and wet with tears.
i look up at the sky, again.
i think, i'm losing my breath.
YOU ARE READING
y o u
Poetryi've never breathed more, as i have around you, but breathing in the same air as you, was suffocating enough to make me want to stop. but, love, you can't just stop breathing like that, can you? [in which, she writes letters to him, letters tha...
