Found out

Chapter twenty seven

Lauren's POV

I was waiting anxiously outside of Camila's house, waiting for her to come to answer the door. I hadn't had an ounce of sleep that night, as my mind was completely preoccupied with what I would say to Camila when I arrived today. I still hadn't come up with anything brilliant but I figured I'd just be honest with her, it's the least she deserved. I knew Camila wouldn't make this easy for me and rightly so, I completely deserved her being cold to me but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell seeing her act that way with me. I wasn't given long to prepare as I heard someone unlock the door.

"Hey, sorry, I was just leaving. Go ahead and go upstairs, Mila's in her room" Dinah spoke to me as she stepped out of my way. I recognised Camila's best friend from the photos but she was a lot more beautiful in person.

"Erm, yeah thanks, it was nice meeting you" I replied, trying my best to not sound like a nervous wreck.

"Oh and Lauren, I love you and stuff, but please don't ever hurt Mila like this again, or prepare yourself for a true poly beat down" Dinah threatened jokingly, or at least I think she was joking.

"I won't, trust me, I've learnt from my mistakes" I explained and she only offered me a soft smile before disappearing out of my sight. I was snapped back to reality as I remembered exactly what I was here to do. I headed up the stairs, a memory from my time at the house coming back with each step I look. The beginning when me and Camila hated each other, the time we made pancakes in the kitchen, the time we got drunk in her living room, everything came flooding back. As I approached Camila's room, Leo ran under my feet, jumping up at my legs. I'd completely forgotten about the puppy that Sinu and Alejandro had gotten me and Camila and instantly felt guilty for breaking our little family.

"Hey Leo, I missed you" I greeted the small puppy, bending to my knees and stroking him softly. I stood at the door of Camila's room for what felt like forever before finally building up enough courage to walk inside.

"Hey Camila, erm Dinah let me in" I spoke whilst playing with my fingers, worried of saying anything wrong.

"Oh yeah I know, you can come in" she spoke as I stepped further into the room, closing the door behind me. We were in complete silence for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to start the conversation I'd been dreading so much.

"I'm so sorry Camila, I know you must think I'm literally the worst person in the world right now and honestly I don't blame you but-" I began but she soon cut me off.

"Why'd you do it Lauren?" She questioned, still not looking at me.

"I don't know why Camila, honestly I have no idea and I know that I hurt you but listen- " I spoke before she cut me off for the second time.

"No, you listen. You have no fucking idea what it's been like Lauren. I've spent the last month wondering why I wasn't good enough, wondering what it is that I did wrong to make you just abandon me without any explanation. You broke my heart Lauren, you left me out of nowhere and didn't even have the guts to give me a fucking explanation for it. You made me feel worthless, like I wasn't worthy of anyone's love and it was the worst feeling in the world. You did this to me Lauren, you broke me and you didn't even fucking care. I opened up to you, I told you about my biggest fears, about my sister and you just threw all that away like it was nothing to you. So don't you dare come in here acting like you know what the fuck it's been like for me because you don't, you have no clue what it felt like so please, don't try and understand" Camila spoke leaving me completely speechless. I didn't blame the younger girl for reacting in this way, she was completely right to do so. I was lost for words, Camila looked so hurt and I wanted nothing more than to embrace her into my arms.

"I know you must hate me" i admitted, not knowing what else to say.

"You know what, that's the worst part, I don't hate you. I fucking love you Lauren, with every ounce of me and I hate myself for it. I hate that no matter how much I want to hate you, I just can't. I can't hate you Lauren because every time I try to, I know that I'm just trying to hide the fact that I've been in love with you since the night you came into my room crying and I swore to myself I'd do anything I could to protect you from that day forward, not even thinking that I'd need to protect myself in the process" Camila let out and I felt tears trailing down my face at the younger girls words. She didn't seem fazed by it, she didn't sympathise with me in the slightest and I didn't blame her.

"I'm so sorry Camila" I spoke plainly. I wanted to say so much more but everything I planned had completely gone from my mind and I had no idea how to reply.

"Just get out" Camila demanded. I thought about protesting but I knew she was in no state of mind to be bartered with. I simply stood to my feet and walked to the door. As soon as I reached it, I turned around to take one last glance at the younger girl.

"I love you" I stated quietly before walking out the door and closing it behind me.

I hated myself, for leaving Camila and for every moment since. I hated how weak I was, that I wasn't able to tell the woman I love how much I missed her and how sorry I was. I hated myself for being one of those girls, that makes someone fall for them before just leaving them without an explanation. I always saw myself as someone better than that, someone who made people feel beautiful and confident, not heartbroken and worthless. Most of all, I hated how much of an effect this had on Camila, how she had shut me out completely. I knew how hard it was for Camila to ever open up to anyone and so the fact that I practically threw that back in her face was probably my biggest regret.

When I briefly told my parents about what happened with Camila, they instantly scolded me, telling me that that was not how they raised me and they were right. They brought me up to be someone who had nothing but love to give to the world and I'd so obviously not been that girl recently. I knew that I had to change, had to return to being the confident woman who would be prepared for whatever the world threw at her. I was ready to face it, to completely obliterate every problem thrown at me. My parents told me not to give up on her, that even if she was mad, if she loved me as much as I said then she wouldn't hold this against me forever. I think it's time I tested that theory. I wasn't prepared to give up on the younger girl that easily, not this time. I was going to do anything and everything in my power to fight for Camila, to show her that I was ready this time, that I was ready to love her. I knew it would be difficult but in the midst of all this, I knew one thing for sure. I was in love with Camila cabello.

A/N
Sorry I took a little longer to update, I've been working a lot and haven't had as much time to write. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!x