Shadows of the marked

4» time

To everyone that's upset about the last chapter, my apologies.

     Time passes as I look at Calvin like he has just grown a second head. What did he just say? I had to have heard him wrong.

I talked to them this morning. They can't be dead. Quickly, I shake my head. "No." This can't be happening.

As reality sets in that Calvin would never lie about something like this, and the grief on his face- I feel my stomach drop. He reaches for me, but I take a step back.

"This isn't real." I refuse to believe it. Ren and my mom are alive. This is just some sick dream. No, nightmare. My heartbeat quickens, as I watch Calvin's every move.

Tears stream down my face in a matter of seconds after he's told me what's going on. Calvin looks at the floor for a moment before back into my eyes. He too has a few tears.

"I wish that we're the case, Gray." Calvin's voice is softer this time as he reaches for me. I don't fight him, but I also don't run to him either. I'm numb. Even my mate can't help this. My tears block my vision as he wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace.

In this very moment; everything comes crashing down on me. Every ounce of my emotions finds its escaping point. Reality hits me that I will never see my mother or Ren again, and how quickly it happened. I cry because they're gone, and there's nothing that can be done to stop it. My mother and step-father are gone. I cry for my little brother...

"Liam," I manage to whimper through my tears. Calvin sniffles as he eases his grip on me and lets me move to look up at him. He is at his breaking point. Cal's eyes are swollen, and the wetness of his cheeks tells me that he isn't as heartless as he tells me he is.

I quietly reach up and wipe his cheeks dry. If Calvin weren't the one to tell me and console me, I may have gone crazy.

He lets out a sad breath and kisses my forehead. "Your baby brother is okay. The Kingsley are taking care of him right now." I nod my head, and when Calvin goes to give me a kiss- I turn and let him place it on my cheek instead.

I don't want to talk. All I want is to sit in a quiet place, and think.

"I'm going upstairs." I say quietly, turning and leaving him standing where he is. I know he hurts just as much as I do- and I can't bare to stand there without a way to change all of this.

I need time.

     So does he.

     Hours pass, but my pain does not. It feels as though the longer I sit alone and think about it, the worse the pain gets. It's become physical. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

I'll never be able to see my mom again. No more hugs. No more of her spontaneous laughter. Nothing. All I have from this time forward are her memories.

She won't be around to see herself become a grandma, or even watch Liam graduate. She won't be there for his first days of school- or dance with him on his wedding day.

Liam isn't even old enough to remember who she is to him. It tears me apart thinking this. My little brother will never be able to truly know his mom in a way like I had. But- I'll be damned if he won't know anything. I'll be the one to tell him everything about her; and Ren. They were good parents, and they didn't choose for this to happen and to leave him. Leave us. 

I rub my swollen eyes and head back downstairs. Calvin's deep voice fills my ears as he continues a phone call. Just the sound of it alone puts me at ease.

Cal is sitting on the couch, his eyes focused on me but his mind focused on what ever is being said on the other side of his phone call. He's shirtless- like always- and his torso is covered in a thin layer of sweat. I don't know what he was doing before the call, but I know he wasn't just sitting around.

  Calvin pats his knee, and I quietly take my time to straddle his lap. He groans and adjusts himself before rubbing my thigh. "Thank you, Ben." He says lowly. He hangs up the phone without saying goodbye, and he rests it on the couch.

"Did you sleep at all?" Cal asks gently, rubbing my cheeks. I look at my mate and shake my head. I wish that I could have slept. However, I never do.

Since I'm Lycan, I don't need as much sleep as I used to. Usually, I can run off of five hours- while Calvin can sleep for a mere three and be able to stay up for days on end. The man hardly ever sleeps- but he always makes sure to lay with me at night.

Calvin frowns at my response. My eyes wander away from his and to his sweaty chest. He and I do different things when we're upset. I cry- while he works out. He works out a lot because he's almost always pissed off about something.

"Are you hungry?" Cal asks, quietly rubbing the tops of my thighs. I let my eyes travel back up to his face. Shaking my head against it, I press a kiss against his cheek.

Slowly, carefully I press kisses against his neck. My mouth finds his weak spot, and he tenses underneath me. Calvin cranes his neck to the side, and holds me tighter against him.

My tongue darts out, running over the claim I've made on his neck. A throaty groan erupts from him as my teeth grazes the spot.

Quickly, Calvin pushes my waist back away from him. He's trying to hide what's coming up. I need a distraction. Even if it won't be that long.

My hand travels down his abdomen, and start to reach into his pants. However, Calvin is quick to grab my wrist and stop me.

"No, Gray. This isn't what you need right now." He says roughly. I pout as I look at him.

  His nostrils flare, and he holds a warning look in his eyes. The pout on my lips turns into a frown of disappointment.

"You say that- yet you've been trying to hide your boner from me since I've came in here." I comment, raising an eyebrow.

Calvin frowns. "This isn't what you need, Gray-"

"I just want a distraction, Calvin. Even if it only lasts for a little while.." I say softly. He holds his breath and looks me over.

"A distraction isn't going to numb the pain, Gray." He says roughly. Ouch. "Things like this- you can't get away from. There's no such thing as a distraction when it comes to grief. I'm sorry."

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I look Calvin over. His voice is monotone, and I'm sure he's fed up with the way I had just tried to come on him.

"But-"

"No, Gray. I'm not going to do that to you while you're hurting like this." His voice is softer now, and he's telling himself more than me what he isn't going to do.

"I love you," he mumbles, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I chew on the inside of my cheek, and I feel my eyes burn and the pain rushes over me again.

"Je comprends enfin combien je les ai aimés, et Calvin; Je ne veux jamais vous perdre comme si je les ai."

_____
Translation:

Je comprends enfin combien je les ai aimés, et Calvin; Je ne veux jamais vous perdre comme si je les ai.

I finally understand how much I loved them, and Calvin; I don't ever want to lose you like I have them.